Imperial Command of the Raccoon General

I hate hackers... Utterly pissed at these illegal hacking piece of ****s..

2011-11-26T02:22:00.003+08:00

Recently a game account of mine got hacked. Yep, hacked. Stolen.

To add insult to injury, I did not discover this in the aftermath of their god-damned criminal act. I actually stumbled it as it was happening.

What happened was that I had decided to log in to the game at the time, only to be confronted by the fact that things were not as I had left the the game prior to that. In fact, I logged in as my in game character was actually 'doing' something. A split second later I was disconnected with a message claiming a 'conflict' in the log in. I proceeded to log in the game again, and this time I inspected my in-game items only to realize that a large number of it has been sold off. In fact the few items I had left was in fact, as I realized then and there, in the process of being sent off to be sold too had I not stumbled in then!

I quickly exited the game, opened my internet browser and accessed the game website to change my account details. I was panicking of course and was not thinking properly perhaps. I managed to log in there and realize the damned hacker had changed the corresponding email address attached to the account to something else. I quickly changed it back to mine but as I proceeded to try and change password, I could not do such anymore because I was typing an 'invalid old password'. Yep, the blasted hacker had changed it first before I could.

Once I log off my account, I know I can't ever get in again. So I did as a friend told me, file a report/petition to the game masters/devs. As of now the account is closed and may be reopened again once I formally sent a follow up request for such. So I can't play the game for now, which sucks because it's an MMO and like many of such, I paid a subscription fee to continue playing the game.

In fact, because whatever achieved in this game is done by working within a time frame that you have to pay for, the in-game items technically do have real world monetary value, and that's on top of the remaining subscription time that I have left which I paid for. It's different if my msn mail got hacked or my friendster/myspace got hacked because those are free stuff.

I am only thankful though that the game devs responded quickly to prevent those piece of s*** hacker(s) from doing more crap. I also hope I can recover items lost via these illegal means.

It's not a Personal Project

2011-08-17T01:36:00.009+08:00

I haven't wrote anything in a looooooooooong time!

No that's quite a lie. I have wrote a lot recently, at least 10 pages worth of stuff, alongside 3 pages worth of doodling and sketching.

But it won't be here.

Nope, it won't.

--------------------------

What is it?

I suppose one could call it a personal project, but I HATE that label. It implies one has to work hard and utterly completely dedicated to that work. I don't want that. I don't want to work on this thing with a stressed mind and stale thoughts. I want to do it ONLY when I'm fresh and excited. I want to do it light heartedly and with an easy going progress. And I have no other ambition for it other than to see it done, and then it can sit somewhere on a shelf in my house or if lady luck suddenly develops a crush on me, get it sold off and distributed for lotsa money!

Either way doesn't matter. This is work unlike work, a project that's not a project.

This is just something I want to do.

---------------

Problems?

Hell yes. It's not something I want to share with public, and even here where not many people know of, it's still accessible to anyone should they just know where it is. But that's not the issue.

The issue is I want feedback. From a select few I trust only. But it really is hard to get the materials to them, let alone have a sit down and talk about it. Again the spectre of it being called a "project" hinders me from wanting to set anything in an official capacity. I need everything informal.

Which is bitchy at best. Because what I want to do... it's not simply character design AGAIN, and it's not just building a fantasy world AGAIN, or is it just to glorify a fictional hero or introduce a cultural element or style or preference AGAIN. I'm bored of those things. How many more years will our artist be just visual designers? How many more years will our focus on production be about introducing things? To popularize something of ours to others? No, what I want to do is make a metaphor of my opinions, to debate philosophy. I want it more than just "I am putting this here because I like how it looks". I want it put there because it means something in a greater scheme. It QUESTIONS something, or addresses and reflects a thought or a reality.

I'm rambling. True. And probably not making much sense. But it's a curse of mine not to neglect something once I accepted it as my responsibility (which is why I prefer not to accept many things as a responsibility.)

But isn't what we do when we're frustrated? Well, I've been frustrated a long time. Not directly, but still it has ties with what I want to do. I've been frustrated since I was in primary school. Everybody there talked. I was quiet. I had no voice. I want a voice. Secondary school, or high school as what others call it, and I am not merely silenced; I was shouted down. College? Univiersity? I barely whispered even then. Partly it was because others always wanted to be louder than I am, but partly it was also because I did not know what I wanted with a voice.

I want to question.

I want answers. I want to know why.

I want to bend spoons. I want to keep flowers in full bloom.

I'm looking for answers from the great beyond....

More stuff on DA2

2011-04-20T10:09:00.000+08:00

So… I’ve finished playing Dragon age 2. Twice.

I’ve mentioned previously the looming spectre that is Dragon Age Origins that continually cast its shadow on this game, so I’ll refrain from bashing unfair comparisons, refuting silly critiques, denying outrageous claims and such here. I would however like to share some random observations and thoughts.

1. Mage Hawke is the most popular variant of the protagonist, or at least that’s what I see when it comes to fan art. I like the Warrior variant best, and it’s really hard for me to get a female Warrior Hawke picture for my workstation wallpaper. Personally I’m baffled because the Champion Armor for warrior looks friggin’ wicked! Yet it’s not easy to find. WHY??? :P I’d pay for someone to do female warrior Hawke wallpaper but since I don’t like or do much E-transactions I can only reward people living nearby… with lunch… or dinner. :P (ALL ON ME!)

2. There’s a significant amount of male Hawke and male companion romance fan art around too.It is significantly more than compared to previous Bioware games. It’s not my cup of tea, but I won’t bash, because that’s their preference. I am merely stating an observation.

3. There was romance element back in Neverwinter Nights (NWN). It was not that… obviously direct, but it was there. There certainly is romance in Jade Empire (JE), though personally my favourite thing in there was Mirabelle (kudos to any who knows “Mirabelle”). In Mass Effect (ME1) there was even a nude sex scene to accompany the romance element; sadly though Mass Effect 2 (ME2) it was not as… hot…or nude. And certainly romance was in Dragon Age Origins (DA: O). Almost forgot, Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR), there was romance there too. So it should come to no surprise that there is so many romance themed Dragon Age 2 fan art, yes?

4. Sadly, I’m not as happy with fact no 3. You see, NWN1 featured a lone prodigal student as a protagonist with no family ties. In NWN2 you had a foster parent who was so distant he might as well have been a hermit-like mentor, and you’re only true family ties are backstories about your real parents. Shepard of Mass Effect series has no family, save for the mention of a mother serving in the Alliance fleet somewhere. In KOTOR, your amnesiac Jedi is in fact the true Sith Lord then but has no mention of family. In JE your entire clan was killed. In Origins, as human noble, your parents were killed early on and your elder brother might as well just be a background prop. Your brother in the dwarven noble might as well be likened to a rival from some other clan. In DA2 though, you travel with your mother, two younger twin siblings (initially at least) and would soon meet your uncle and will at the end find out that you have a cousin (not to mention human mage Warden from Origins as another, distant, cousin). Certainly family element is around throughout and even serves as a main plot. So I was wondering… where are the tributes/fanstuff to celebrate the Hawke/Amell family?

5. Mages had a good thing going with their case over the Templars. I feel for them. Really, I do. That is, until the end of the story/game where somehow several key mage figures went batshit and go all crazy-like, thus destroying their good rep. I ought to have both sides killed. Varric was so right in his opinion.

6. I’m sad I can’t create a Madmartigan-like character (see “Willow” 1988 movie by Ron Howard, starring Val Kilmer). There is no more dual weapon warrior using 2 swords. The rogue in DA2 does not even use swords, they only have daggers. Maybe this is offset by the 2 handed swords being quite fast now, but still this is quite a sad thing.

7. I for one am glad to see the Arcane Warrior gone. Mages shouldn’t intrude in warrior territories! You don’t see warriors doing long range mass nuking abilities! As it is, mage is still the favoured class in DA so it seems, thus its really quite a show of favouritism to allow mage people to be like warriors as well (wear heavy armour and use swords and such)

8. DA2 is sexist? Really? Some people think so. Well I don’t care if it is. Women there have big boobs? The game uses animation and… Principle of animation: Exaggerate! That’s my rationale! Haha! Besides, you would want your player character to be hot! And you want to travel around with hot companions! That’s why romance feature is oh-so-popular! Right?

9. Did anyone notice the toggle helmet option? Well of course you did, that’s why we see faces so much in fan art. Helmets are good and useful and all but we spent (some of us at least) so much time trying to sculpt the purrrfect face with the best choice of hairdo that it’s a waste not to see it in game on the account of… protective gear. This toggling helmet off feature is nice. But I don’t hear much thanks for that, so…. thank you Bioware!

10. Hawke is inconsequential. He/she did not matter. Hawke just waits around for stuff to happen, and even then stuff will still happen if he was not around. That’s what some people think. I disagree, Hawke may not have a Grey warden treaty document that enables him to rally people and he may not end up killing an archdemon, but Hawke’s effect on matters is usually less obvious. I personally think, if Hawke was not around the Mage-Templar thing would have died down eventually, but I don’t feel inclined to write a specific, plot by plot explanation, so I can only hope Hawke’s role will be re-examined by people.

11. I hate getting armour pieces that is not corresponding to your character class. It’s silly because only your Hawke can use these armour pieces, not companions anymore. If Mass Effect 2 is the way to go, have it use the Mass effect 2 armour system, switchable armour pieces, and customizable colour scheme! Use the Champion armour set as a base template for each class.

12. There is no bikini chainmail/armour in dragon age 2. Right? Damn…

Bioware and the Evolution of RPGs PT II: Dragon Age 2

2011-04-06T14:36:00.004+08:00

Previously I wrote my thoughts regarding Bioware's epic Sci Fi RPG, Mass Effect 2. Recently they have released the sequel to their other franchise, the dark fantasy RPG Dragon Age 2. I purchased the Signature Edition version, pre ordered through a friend. The good thing about that is the cool additional content that comes along with it (Bonus content for being Signature edition PLUS another bonus stuff for Pre-Ordering the game) while the bad thing was that relying on bad shipping and other people to post it made me finally start playing the game at a time when even non hardcore gamers (unlike myself) have already finished it. Heh, hubris on my part I'm sure...

Dragon Age 2 (DA2), unlike Origins (or DA1) did not come out with largely positive comments from all over with only mild criticism on a few of its features. In fact, opinions run from total epic fail to a brave, inspired attempt at innovation, to outright awesomeness. The same features can sometimes be hailed as its crowning glory or cause of frustration for differing players, namely the choice of limiting the geographical setting of DA2's story.

But before I go any further than those, allow me to blow of steam in one regard. Of all the features, ideas, new direction the game takes over its predecessor, one of the most famous (or is it notorious) comment circulating around seems to be in regards to the romance feature between characters, specifically GAY romance. Look. I don't really agree to GAY relations (there, I've said it) but it's usually none of my business who-likes-to-stick-what-in-where, especially since there are far more interesting and incredible features in the game. I would really hope the next game wouldn't have people over fixated on the romance bit, gay ones specifically... but I doubt it, people being people after all. Combat mechanics, choices and consequence, character development and customization and most importantly story should outstrip that 'other' aspect in our focus, but to each their own eh?

The story focuses on the new character Hawke, a Dragon age version of Mass Effect's Commander Shepard, complete with voice over dialogs for either gender and fixed last name for easy reference by other NPCs. I would state for the record, my one big gripe about Dragon Age franchise is that after all the "Origins" and "Big Choices" we make, invested upon and dwelled over, quite a few times the devs decide to tell a story featuring a player character OTHER than my thoughtfully developed Origins Grey Warden. Why can't it be like Mass Effect where all games, sequel and DLC, still features your very own personally crafted and invested upon version of Shepard. But putting that aside and taking Hawke's story as a new game instead of some sequel, it really is quite good (although I think ME2 did better expression animation that DA2). In fact take Origins as some sort of prequel game and DA2 as another series in the same universe, and stop bloody comparing with POINT BY POINT all the nostalgic stuff you had in DA1, you could actually enjoy this very much.

Set in the Free Marcher city of Kirkwall, you're first impression is that you seem to be going nowhere other than running around in circles in just that one city. I mean, if you were to... conduct that 'cardinal sin' of comparing to DA1... again... you would feel that what is going around Kirkwall compared to trips through Orzammar and the Deep Roads, the deep woods of the Brecillian Forests with its ruins (and Revenants) as well as small towns like Lothering, Redcliffe and of course the city of Denerim. But the charm is that instead of marching through space, DA2 marches through time. Sure it's the same place over and over, but the story spans years as opposed to a short time (less than a year at most for DA1) and before you realize it, every corner of Kirkwall feels like home, you know it like the back of your hand. Admittedly though, some dungeons and areas are over-recycled especially since they're not supposed to be the same place yet use the same, one design and internal layout with slight variations; like sealing of a passage way here and there.

Did you know the game takes note of the kind of dialogue choices you picked for Hawke? Choosing between 3 types of persona (diplomatic and proper, witty and sarcastic, or harsh and rude) these decisions affect Hawke's personality, not just at the one moment, but rather through out the story. Choose witty and sarcastic a lot, and later on Hawke naturally adopts that kind of persona, with whatever plus and minuses it brings (I read somewhere that only a Diplomatic Hawke can give an arousing speech to the city guards or such)

Speaking of characters, I tend to miss Oghren or Leliana from DA1 and I didn't respond well at first to these new characters in DA2 that I find accompanying my Hawke in the story. But this is a game about going through time, and bit by bit, as they unfold further (listen to all the party banter between your companions) and show their unique traits, I can't help but warm to them. Varric is not another Oghren, he drinks a lot but doesn't get pissed-drunk like Oghren did. He doesn't say dumb things a lot either, but his humor and remarks are usually more witty and refined. Aveline appears as one of those tough-as-nails, no nonsense all business warrior that seemed to lack humor or even emotion, but as you progress one can't help but see how her devotion was to her deceased husband, laugh at her ineptitude at wooing a potential suitor and be utterly amused at her back and forth banter with Isabela, sexy pirate chick who is always flirting around. They're all not simply different, but at the same time, they are allowed to go deeper as well. You might not get an instant liking, but they will eventually grow on you. Even Fenris, bleached haired, slim elf with brooding attitude, tattoos and big ass two handed sword and rather gay outfit that seems like a rip off from those (annoying?) Japanese RPG character types, eventually becomes tolerable enough for you to care about (unless you are those that like those JRPG types in which case I have... no comment).

And yes, this time round you have family. And what happens to your family members, well... you might actually care more for them than for the ordinary companions. This lends further depth to your character Hawke than the past anonymous (or amnesiac), one-of-many-start-off-solo character templates.

Let's talk about the vanity bit. I always loved the DA character customization more than ME. Somehow I can craft my perfect warrior chicka better in DA than ME. That aside I'm quite happy to see improvements to the attires and clothing available to the characters. Companions don't change their looks or clothes, much, but their gear can be upgraded by specific armor parts found throughout the game (up to 4 slots for upgrades). Only Hawke can use and change to different armor sets like in DA1, though some of these new suits of armor are cooler looking. (warrior Champion armor is awesome!) This system is streamlined and easier, in a direction almost like that of ME2) with the only flaw is that you find lots and lots of armor sets, some very powerful for different character class from your Hawke, thus he/she can't use them and is nothing more than loot to be sold off. But that aside I'm happy. Especially since now, you can toggle helmets on or off; the logic being I made my chicka hot, why does she have to cover her purrdy face with that dingy helmet?

The story of DA2 focuses more on the existing prejudices of the world, such as inter racial, mage-templar and such more than Origins, which have those as a background setting but was more ultimately about setting up to kill the big bad monster (archdemon). Set over a course of almost a decade but within the confines of Kirkwall and its surrounding only, unlike DA1 which spans for not so long a time but spreads broadly across the whole of a country, Ferelden. Where DA1 was enjoyed because of its broad large scale epics over an entire land during a most critical moment, DA2 is narrower in focus and takes time to grow, but enables a kind of depth its predecessor could not give. I shall not argue for either, because unlike some, I can actually enjoy either kind of story in the end.

The ME style dialogue and character, faster slicker combat, some of the streamlined features over the old DA1, are very much a welcome change, for me at least. It is not without flaws. bugs and glitches, overusing one or two types of interior areas, and over simplification or removal of certain features sort of spoils it a bit (What??? No dual sword wielding anymore, dual wielding only for DAGGERS?). The story has nice moments and elements which can thoroughly affect you, but the coherency and connection of said elements needs some fine tuning. DA1 always had you thinking of the ultimate goal of fighting the archdemon and the blight, where as the different Acts in DA2 have differing focus, with the main element for the final act usually taking one step back in the earlier acts, that you lose focus about that ultimate ending at times.

Is this an awesome new RPG that escalates and improves over the old? No, but neither is it the total disappointment that some die hard fans of the old would claim it to be. Take it as a new chapter, not a direct continuation of the first, and you should be able to clear yourself enough to see the gem of this game.

Ascendency of the Frying Pan

2010-12-16T13:19:00.000+08:00

The frying pan has been used to bash people in the head for as long as I have been watching cartoons. I don't know if there is a cultural reference or significance to it, or mere coincidence that it is the choice kitchen utensil for gags, but the fact is there: many heads have met the frying pan up close and personal. But for all that, it was a gag, a one-use prop item.

Not so in Disney's latest epic, Rapunzel.

In that movie the frying rose to prominence, and even acknowledged by the characters as good tool for fighting. It was used by the honor guards at the end parade even. So much glory to the frying pan.

But really, there's more to Disney's Rapunzel than frying pans.

For one, I really love the quartet of characters in this epic adventure. Flynn Rider, the chameleon Pascal, the warhorse/soldier-like/sometimes-dog-like Maximus and of course Rapunzel herself. That the animal companions themselves did not talk yet are so moving should serve as an example to those who think animal-like creatures needed a vocal language to convey themselves as blatantly misguided.

Most important for me however was that the characters were strong. I know sometimes there is a tendency to have one or more members of an adventure party the weak one that needs protection and such, but I feel the line up in Rapunzel is strong. The animal companions can hold their own and each exhibit a kind of confidence rare among critters dat accompany most heroes. In fact I can argue that in personality (and physical ability for Maximus) they can match that of Flynn Rider, the main male protagonist.

Flynn is cocky, and despite being what people would say... roguishly handsome, his looks fails him a lot of the times. It's like a variant of Johnny Bravo, but as we could see in the movie, he is not some helpless weakling; more to the point he probably can take the lead of the gang as much as the main character herself. He is quite self centered, but then I think we all love a self centered comic who fails in in horribly funny ways.

My case in point of Rapunzel however illustrates a near perfect level of what my preference for strong female characters. People always thought what I meant by that are Amazons, strong physically, deadly in combat, sexy figures with skimpy armor outfits. Rapunzel is a case that illustrates going another way from that conception yet still meeting the criteria. I absolutely adore her. She is not a damsel in distress; a genre of female character I believe we can make do without today, but one capable of taking care of herself despite her naivety towards the world. She can fight, but not through skilled swordplay or gun battles. She is feminine and rather girly at times yet not lacking in confidence. She doesnt really needs rescuing; in fact she becomes the rescuer at times. She dresses not skimpily; it is Disney after all, but she is pretty. In short, this is the sort of balance in attributes I look for. We need female leads like this, me thinks.

I love the art of the film. I know it's 3D, my brain registers consciously it's 3D, but somehow I felt like watching one of those 2D Disney classics. It's really gorgeous. I love the style. The truth is probably related to the two executive producers of the film. John Lasseter was involed in works like Rattatouile, Wall E, Bolt and UP. Glen Keane worked on projects like The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and my favourite, Tarzan. It's like their fusion produced a 3D animation with a very strong flavour of the old 2D disney classics. Note to self: Must find the Art of Tangled book.

The story is what you can expect of a Disney story, fun for the family adventure and happily ever afters. That I did not feel it was stale is probably a good sign of the manner of their storytelling, though I did feel the antagonist to be a little... vanilla. That said, it feels negligible enough because of the main focus on the interactions of the protagonists. It still felt fun over all.

I feel like watching it again! :P

When EVE Online meets DeviantART...

2010-10-23T07:23:00.004+08:00

The EVE Online Create a Starship Contest is over. What a race, and I didn't make it as a semi finalist even, though I saw where I did wrong and while I was a bit hopeful to be picked, I am not utterly crushed because I know that by not being selected at all, at least I can now re use that design for a personal work in collaboration with friends.

However there was a fethload of conspiracy theories and emotional outburst that came out once the 15 semi finalists were chosen, resulting in 1 entry being replaced by another. I stayed up the whole night reading as much of the outpourings and comments from both DeviantArt and Eve communities on both their respective forums/commentaries page.

Let me clear up 2 most important thing regarding my stance on the matter.

1. I clearly support the entry that they brought in to replace a disqualified one, as I feel it is better and more in tune with the feel of EVE. In fact, the Tornado Battleship is the very entry I am hoping would win this contest! I am really looking forward to see it in game one day and better still if it is implemented as it's creator suggested.

2. I am in agreement that the EVE Online player community should be and have the right to be outraged that of so many of the semi-finalist chosen, barely a handful is appropriate for EVE. Those judging and deciding should have had better in depth understanding for the feel and requirements of a new ship in EVE; admittedly quite an uphill task for non players as even usual players debate this issue rigourously everyday. Though there were concerns of entries not following rules and such (important nonetheless for a contest), my own concern is primarily for the stated point of the entries not being right for EVE.

That said, I was astounded at the amount of emotional outburst, flaming, trolling and outright comments from the EVE Online community at DA (DeviantArt). Yes we are very unsatisfied with the choices of the semi finalists. We play the game, we pay to play the game, and want it improved but still true to its core ideas. I stayed up all night reading the posts (as well as some from the EVE forums) because it was like some thriling drama unfolding. It was like a story. A grand event in the making, something went wrong, people enraged and finding scapegoats to blame, all out fighting between factions, and happily enough, reconcilation and peace being brokered between factions.

Though I am commited almost as much as most to the betterment of EVE and therefore am very concerned at the type of entries being listed as semi finalists in this contest that would ultimately affect us EVE players, I was equally shocked at the level of hostility pouring into DA in just a matter of a day or two. Perhaps I shouldn't be. I have seen these reactions before, internally in EVE itself. We are very passionate about this game after all.

But now the very militant attitude of the community pours down not on the usual victims, ourselves or CCP, but on DA.

I applaud the efforts of a few members of the EVE Community in trying to maintain calm and posting our grievances in a civilized and orderly manner, but the fact is there are more than enough trolls and flamers contributing outright insulting remarks towards the DA staff for misshandling this event. What saddens me even more is that the Director of Public Relations for DA became the chosen scapegoat as she was the only one standing up and replying on behalf of DA, which the eager and angry mob ultimately focus to shoot at. Even worse is that some of the DA members themselves start responding insult with insults, further escalating the conflict.

I admit that the Director for Public Relations for DA did chose some bad words and inappropriate manner of response, albeit not with the intention to aggrevate the mob but quite the opposite, but I felt bad for her for receiving flak for something she was not entirely responsible for. She did not judge the contest and as far as this issue goes, she is but a spokes person. It is noble and commendable of her though to maintain her calm mostly throughout the ordeal, which I think she stayed on for hours upon hours.

I am more an EVE Player than a DeviantARTist. The right of the argument I strongly feel is with the EVE players, as this is not simply a contest but something that would affect us EVE players in the future of this game. But I am ashamed of the amount of rudeness and crass attitude displayed by some of our members, especially considering that I feel the specific targets they are pouring on did not deserve that direct hostility. It is sufficient I think that DA take note of how involved and passionate we are with our game, do something to remedy this situation and strive to do better next time. The rude, insulting remarks are complete unwarranted.

Most profoundly, I now feel sad for the artist whose entry was first selected into the semi finals but was later disqualified. True, his entry was in no way able to compete with the entry that replaced him for a spot in EVE, but he was no crap artist despite the impression his contest entry might give to some. I went later to his DA gallery and saw he had several really commendable work there, sci-fi themed work at that. While it's true that many people point out they were more angry at the judges for choosing rather than the artist for making, but I felt it was not the decent thing to do to keep on referring to his work as the benchmark for an all time 'lowness'.

The situation has calmed down now, as the DA Public Relations Director announced that people on her side, DA, has begun talks on the matter with EVE Online devs, CCP. Most of the rude commentors have stopped posting and the more civilized ones are offering olive branches and to help with the whole process of answering the player community's queries. I'm glad calmer heads are prevailing, for now.

I will continue to be hopeful for the development in EVE. My own designs might not be good enough to be in there, but I hope those that really deserve it will make it. For my part, I think I'll go on collecting ships, as starships are a passion of mine after all.

And maybe... just maybe...

I'll name some of my ships after those I hold as 'heroes' in this entire unfortunate episode.

... And that's all I have to say about that.

2010-06-28T19:46:00.002+08:00

There was this show on TV where there was a person whose life revolves around being at home, tidying up and cleaning the house as a the prime occupation. A housewife-life if I would say so myself. My sister said of how jealous she is of such life. I on the other hand was utterly astonished for anyone to wanting such existence.

Today I woke up as always, early in the morning and woken by the alarm clock. I travel by bus early in the morning as I head off for work. Arriving at Kelana Jaya I took the train to the next stop. The train was new, and as far as Putra LRT goes, it was twice as long as the older trains. 4 coaches now! In front of me there was a girl that curiously reminded my of the character Supergirl; she was wearing a white top, blue short skirt and the lack of red cape I suppose is made up by the red bra. 3 stations away, I got off and began my 20 minute walk to the workplace.

I do animations. That's my job. That's what I'm being paid for. Specifically I do 2D Flash based animation, of which my most proudest work actually went up on Disney Channel on one time. Day by day, I do cartoons and all the little funny things. While working I prefer listening to music or putting on some videos or shows, just to keep me up. At about 1 or 2 pm, I would have lunch, followed by a short rest, and then resume work till past 5 pm. Then, it's all about retracing my morning ourney but from the opposite end, and by nightfall I would arrive back home for dinner, rest and, I pray with all my heart to always have this, gaming.

The thing is, my sister could be right.

Or at least, she might have a point. Where else is best for a person but home? And home is where the heart is. For her, it may be the house and all the house chores. Since our mom passed away, she has taken the position of being the one most concerned with house well being, which while seems nice I do feel at times it is more oppressive than previously. But that's not my point here.

For this June, barring the 2 weeks plus of my being sick with dengue, my work place is Vision Animation. But I work for Eden Studio. This predicament is made possible by the utter insistence of Vision to treat outsourced workforce as freelancers, even those under banners of other studios, and the need for said freelancers to work under their roof and supervision. It has merits especially on the supervision bit, but it is also an inconvenience, especially on the point of location.

I realize now how precarious my contentment in my life is. Even when I was back at our own office, I was merely content and tolerated all the other nuances there. Now being forced to work in a place not of our own nor of our preference, I start to feel utterly detesting it. But I'm not really angry either. It just got me thinking.

Everybody says they'd like to work doing the things they like. By that logic I should be happy doing animation where drawing is one of the things we do a lot. I think that statement was more of compromise speach people say to accomodate for what is the norm in society. In truth, I am not happy doing the things I like because I am doing the thing I like for somebody else. Specifically, I am doing the activity of my preference, but on a subject that is of someone elses choice. Adding to that, we do at a place and time and pace of their direction.

The root of it is that we want to do what we like, we want to work on the things we like; not just simply doing the things we like. It is a sad thing then most of us have jobs, or being employed by others, because that means we aren't always doing what we like, and most certainly we are always being pulled away from where we usually would like to be at the times we'd rather not be elsewhere. A freelancer or so called self employed person is not much better. He may dictate location (except in Vision's case) but basic needs (income for food and living) means he is faced with about the same thing as the employee, plus having to constantly find new work as one project finishes.

Very few of us humans actually get to do what we like, where we like and when we like, simply for our own sake but coincidentally can make a living out of it, and in certain cases, lavish living. My question to myself is why? Is it the world imposing itself against our individual wants? Is it the current social economic structure that prevents such dreams? Or is it that we simply hold ourselves back from doing what we like and profiting from it?

Forrest Gump loved his mother, and he loved Jenny. He wished to honor his promise to his good friend Bubba and thought of little else. He is a simpleton, but he does whatever he is able to with dedication. In his own simple way of things he inspires and achieves a kind of life most of us could just dream of.

And he gets the girl. Fancy that.

The world can't be that bleak. The world can't be that bleak. I want to be happy. Why can't I?

A Clamour for Greed....err Equality.... I think...

2010-05-07T16:07:00.005+08:00

I can say I have been busy and had no time to write. But I would be lying. I can say I was not in the mood to write, but that would be inaccurate as well. The truth is that I have every now and then felt the urge to write; its just that I do not feel so when I can actually do it. Free time on my own house PC means the greater allure of games, and let's face it, with EVE Online, I am practically married to gaming.

So it comes to no surprise that I can now write because we have wrapped up a lot of work at the office and I'm quite free for now, in a place with a PC but no games. So I figured I shall write now, and how could I not after what I have read recently?

There are articles and discussions relating to the validity in the existence of a race called 'Malays'. Is there such a race in existence?

In a nutshell, the article it is mentioned the origins of the malay race as 'truly Asia' in that it encompasses genes from chinese people, indians, aborigines (which is also said to be of african descendent) and middle eastern, and quite probably to include Macedonian (Ancient Greeks are fussy about who they say are Greeks, or rather Hellenes, and I know more on western history in that era of time than my own region, so I am trying to be... precise) as there is sources saying part of our ancenstry is from Alexander the Great when he married a west Indian princess. So putting it in short, we are a rojak race, if indeed a race is what Malay actually is, or so the artile argues.

Frankly I am not concerned about that, as I accepted the fact as a Malay, the race is a new one created by mixing an assorted list of sources, put under the umbrella of either region, religion, language or whichever. But a race nonetheless. Because the fact of the matter is many current races, or sub races if one prefers the term instead, are made in such a way, through natural social intercourse and progress over a period of time. People mix all the time, is what I am saying. I don't care if we malays are part chinese or greek middle eastern, such peoples have purrdy [pretty] chicks anyhow and we can benefit as a race for having their genes. (I tend to go for fair ladies but I also would acknowledge typically the darker skinned races have greater percentage of women with more... curves). In fact if its true, its awesome to be linked to the Macedonian, the worlds' first known cosmopolitan empire; at least when Alexander was still alive.

What makes me tick however is the nature of why these arguments are made in the first place. And surprisingly (or not) it is really not anything new.

To disclaim the notion that a 'Malay' race exists or otherwise as a purely academic debate is fine by me, and I'd be tempted to pursue the facts of those opposing that 'Malay' exists. But to pursue this for reasons as frigging obvious as to further one's self over the sposed Malays in the country of Malaysia, my home country, just aggrevates me to stand in solid opposition against such people. Heck I'd be a damn Malay-ultranationalist if needs be.

I hate people abusing the notions of freedom and equality, to a point I'm starting to hate seeing those very words myself. Freedom... ugh... I feel like getting a jackhammer... Equality... someone get me a bazooka. The point is everyone clamouring for the dissolvement of 'Ketuanan Melayu', or referred to as Lordship of the Malays (though I feel in implementation, its more of special priviledge than Lordship, though if malays are given Lordship over others, I won't complain... *grins*) is absolutely convinced that it is the most fair and equal thing in the world is sorely mistaken. It is nowhere near fair. It is as fair as trying to fight a battleship in a sampan. It is about as fair as Palestineans fighting Israeli tanks with rocks.

The British administration of Malaya did more than simply 'oversimplify' in classifying what is "MALAY". It hampered the natural growth and progress of the indigenous people, no matter how effective or benevelont they may seem. Go on and lie to me and say the British had the local populations interest first and foremost at heart back then. Dare ya! The simple fact is it was a colonial endevour meant to benefit the mother country, as well as imparting some of the ideologies or elements of the British unto the locals. They were making the world England; not making us modern malays or Austronesians or whatever such amalgamation of multiple names. It mattered little who was a local, or otherwise. This is relevant because as a result, locals who could all ended up collectively labelled as malays whether your skin is yellow or brown, slanted eyes or not, have their natural growth and progression hampered. They did not progress as proper people of a nation does. They would continue in this handicapped state until the British leave. Secondly, the influx of immigrants cause by the British to handle their labour or such needs breeds a totally different kind of population group. I stress this: the Indians and Chinese who were brought en masse by the British into this country during the colonial times should be regarded as a different breed than those who came naturally from their own countries prior to the colonial times. Their aspirations, loyalties, ties and perceptions are different. Is it too hard to imagine I wonder the difference between choosing on your own accord to move or go elsewhere than it is to be relocated by someone else to a diffferent place? Maybe it is, some people after all lack imagination and foresight.

After Independence, the malays, or rather what counts as the bumiputeras, emerge slightly behind in the race of progress. All those Chinese and Indian immigrants may not have a charmed life under the Brits, but they certainly learnt a lot more in the 'business of things' in differing aspects than the sheltered "Malays" who just happed to be the local population. I dare say the word sheltered because as far as foreign occupation goes, the British are the more benevelont ones; other occupying westerners can be a lot more harsh on the locals. However the point is we started late. We started further back. We Malays. If most others had to run a 100 metre race, the way we started as a race, we are like running 150 metres... at least.

So the Special rights of the Malays were made. It's like a crutch, you see. It lets you walk with other people even though you got shot in one of your legs. It's not perfect, but it helps. It is better, on my opinion, than being left to crawl about helplessly. In time, maybe we can get rid of the crutch. But of course the non malays or whatever opposition of it don't see it that way. They would prefer to think of it as an abuse of their rights, that is is some way of making them lower castes. They think that Malays abuse such things to exploit them. It almost sounds as if we make them second class citizens, and they would prefer to abolish it as that would seem to them to make everyone equal. Forget the fact of course that despite their 'handicapped by the notion of not being a malay', the chinese for example are in general the wealthier of the races here. For some of the more apologists and softer of the group, they would argue that this policy coddles the malay and keeps them from being competitive.

For the former, in a perfect world, probably we should all have the same standards and support. And even if it is not so, in a perfect world we could always be content in that other people would be willing to selflessly lend a helping hand to us Malays. But it's not a perfect world is it? Unless supported by some form or another, the handicapped will be entirely downtrodded upon by the rest, many of whom would be more than happy to exploit the misfortune. Given that sort of circumstance, the call for so called equality is like giving in to the greedy bullies the opportunity to step on their victims freely.

For the latter, should we assume people as a more kinder than the bullies type, the fact is without such help or assistance, the group, such as the Malays in this case, would fall into utter ruin and extreme hardship, probably for a long time before it can start to grasp what it needs to catch up. I know some races of the world experience this sort of thing. And I know some who know this for a fact would say it is all the better for us, in the long run. But I know that most people would not wish of that if it was they who are suffering and not simply looking on from the outside. It is after all simple to say these things from the comfort of your well established positions. Easier said than done in other words. And I do think it takes a benevelont state of mind to perceive a solution that does as best as it could to avoid as much suffering for the people.

But of course, who cares? You're OK! You're living well enough compared to some really poor folks. Here's an idea! Let's stop all form of aid to any groups of unfortunate people. I mean if I don't receive aid, why should anyone else? That way everyone could freely exploit anyone else as they please. That's equality. And Freedom.

Oh by the way, its an equal fight if I have a billion bucks and the other guy barely have enough to get himself food for a day, right? If nobody helps either of us, I mean?

Additionally, Americans (some) should be shot for putting up this hype that their brand of freedom, equality, democracy is the only way to go. It's breeding a whole list of people too stupid to figure out things are never a one-size-fits-all situation.

Bioware and the Evolution of RPGs?

2010-03-01T11:01:00.004+08:00

In the past few weeks I have journeyed into tales of epic proportions. It was almost a kind of grand opera of which I was in the centre of. For this moment, Bioware is ascendent; for no other developer at this time has captured my admiration so. Rarely has story elements in game been as good while keeping you the centre of it still.

Mass Effect 2 is a streamlined space grand opera of a game where actions from the previous game are carried over to the present and leaves you wondering what your actions in this present one will affect in the next installment of the Mass Effect series. It has to be said that they certainly have set up Mass Effect 3 to be quite epic in scale and I do hope they can pull it off. Additionally, the supporting characters in ME2 also deserves praise as they are represented in depth and is overall interesting enough to want you to get to know them better, save for one or two perhaps.

Dragon Age: Origins, another title from Bioware released some few months earlier than ME2 is also given a slight new lease with the recent Return to Ostagar DLC. Dragon Age, whilst older and still adhering more to the 'traditional' RPG mold is still a well written tale and an enjoyable experience in its own right. Whilst characters in ME2 were given depth, overall the experience was quite Shepard-centric. In Dragon Age however it does give the impression that more is going on in the world besides what the Player Character is doing. (Among other things the chats between your followers)

Firstly I'd like to get one thing off. Probably (or not) due to the contreversy with the media or such, sex scenes in Dragon Age has been numbed down a level and even more so for ME2. While there are more 'suggestions' towards sex in both games than ME1, I dare say the actual scenes itself is rather tame.

Having said that, I will get on with the main business of the day.

There has been comparisons between these two latest Bioware release. While Dragon Age is seemingly a polished work based on traditional RPG context (spiritual successor to Baldur's Gate, so they say) Mass Effect 2 is seen as a streamlined evolution of the genre into something rather new. Both sides of the ideal has generated its own haters and supporters. Dragon Age is seen as either moving towards the perfection of the RPG ideal or as the last of a dying genre of stale old RPG. On the other hand Mass Effect 2 is either seen as the future of RPG or as a game leaving the ideal of what RPG is suppose to be.

I would like it known beforehand that I personally enjoyed the games immensely and view Dragon Age as an expansive adventure game, whilst Mass Effect 2 as a streamlined, epic interactive movie-like experience. For me these two are different experience of game storytelling and as far as they are concerned, truly fun to play.

But I do have concerns regarding both. Dialogues in ME2 seems more fluid and believable, for the lack of a better word in mind right now. This is not just because the PC (Player character) is given a voice during conversations, (unlike in Dragon Age where the PC voice is just the occasional shouts and response while doing things in the game) but also the ability to interrupt or add a context of physical element to the typically verbal/textual part of the game element. To that end, Dragon Age conversation mechanic does feel a little... dated. Fortunately, Dragon Age for me, has more humor and definitely seems like a more light hearted thing than ME2s. which still has some humor to it, just not as much as Dragon Age's.

Of course that still does not answer the bigger question of which is a proper RPG. Dealing with ME2 primarily, (since it is regarded as the more revolutionary one as opposed to the more traditional path of Dragon Age) among the two most prominent issue regarding that with ME2 is that of the inventory/monetary system as well as the level up/character stats issue.

In the first matter, I would say I like that it is not the cluttered, extremely large and disorganized inventory of ME1, but I do feel it is too minimalized. Don't get me wrong, while I like lots of guns, but the 2-3 choices per weapon type is sufficient, provided that each weapon gets a personal customization option (like ME1). True, now the ammo-types are an in game skill rather than an item based- upgrade, but I still think its good to be able to mod a gun further. You might think hat its enough to have 2-3 gun types, each of different strengths and weakness, but I still think it should go more than that. For example, the most power assault rifle has the strongest firepower but lacks long range accuracy. If I want accuracy some might say I should switch to the other gun with better accuracy but less damage. But what if I want more damage and scarfice accuracy even more or other stats? Such was the degree of customization allowed in the first game. I'd also rather like it if each gun-type is not made into an overall blueprint for anyone in your party to use and requires you to hunt down these guns not just for you but also for your team mates, individually (also like ME1). Another aspect of that of course is the ability to make money out of your finds/loots. ME2 economy is too tight, streamlined and controlled. I think the the ability to be rich is an RPG element that should not be outmodded. In this context I do think Dragon Age did it rather well. It certainly makes you capable of being quite rich, but not if you keep spending your money at item shops like a girl would in a mall.

Mass Effect 2 also has a very basic level up system in which you gain a portion of health and other stuff per level up but mainly you just choose to invest skill points in a choice of skills that don't usually number more than your fingers. In contrast, Dragon Age has a whole lot more abilities to gain, as is ME1 where there are a lot of skills to be upgraded, bit by bit if I may add. I look at this in a context that is connected to the combat system (which is usually where this skills are to be applied anyhow). I don't find it a fault to have either more or less amount of skills, but specifically I take offense if this makes combat less-RPG and more... say... FPS. I still hate Quake 3 and Counterstrike. Ahem, let me explain. This is an RPG, yes? Role Playing Game. That mean its a game where I can imagine myself in a role, any role, in which I am typically unable to fulfill outside the game (and not just the fact I can carry big weapons or use magic powers-sense). Specifically, as a ROLE PLAYing experience, I should be able to imagine myself in the game, or thus create a character from imagination and into the game, that can be charming, a master marksmen, or an elite swordsman regardless of the fact that in real life I am awkward, have fidgety fingers or extremely numbed down reflexes. In FPS, yes, its plausible to make low reflex and bad hand eye to affect your playing, but in RPG, there should be an escapism that allows this. RPGs is more about creativity, persona and thinking, not mindless twitching. Mass Effect 2 is ok enough in its balance of this that I still say it is RPG, but it threads close to becoming a shooter. The combat is good enough, Bioware should focus on the RPG elements if anything else. I pray this series will not end up as a new Shooter-bastion. Enough already with all you braindead twitch gamers!

The counter argument to a more skill/stat-based development is the grind. Yes, that favourite past time of Asians like Koreans and some Japanese. Mindlessly whacking small creeps for XP to get the character to ridiculous high levels that they become solopwnmobiles. I do not wish further elaboration than to point out that there are some RPGs that are already trying to make levelling up still relevent to the game experience, but not always a prequisite. They strive to allow some lower level characters still able to stand up or alongside higher level characters and still play their part. This argument is on my opinion a moot point and is likely only valid in games like Ragnarok, where I recall people have bot-programmes to automatically do grinding for them; an unspoken admission to the stupidity and boringness of the grind.

Therefore, as I understand it, the questions do seemingly have a root in the inherent complexity of the genre and how it affects the players. Of course people with more simple, shooter based mindset might say do away with the complex skill sets and micromanagement and focus on the players hand-eye skill in combat, as much as more complex, probably nerdy folks say the need for such skill sets is the inherent joy of exploring the system and finding out how to use your creativity to make it work for you. I do believe a game shouldn't be too complex. Too much of it distracts from the overall experience, you will lose sight of the story, of the urgentness of the plot and be too much absorbed in your own megalomania of creating that god-like representation of you. But in reverse, 'dumbing down' the complexity does ruin the game experience, making it into something else that it was not originally. Differing genres have their own individual appeal and dumbing down a game type because some would enjoy it more is not the way to go. What if I, because I am not able to or understand it, demand that football be dumbed down so that it suits my preference more? It wouldn't be the game that you know and love anymore would it?

In conclusion for those who missed my point, RPGs should be more the thinking man's game than shooters or its like. The ascendency of a player or character in RPGs should be reflected in the player's thinking, not by the speed of his nervous systems nor his endurance to do repetitive tasks greater than anybody else. Streamlined or heavy on skill stats, storybased or open-world, I believe RPGs can work regardless as long as it does not fall into the traps I mentioned.

P/s-- Also apologizes for constant bashing of FPS/Twitch gamers but seriously a lot of you people try to make it out as if only your type matters and you are like some god or something...

The Busiest I Have Ever Recalled

2010-02-02T20:20:00.002+08:00

Once I would have believed I never would have an ever more hectic of a working schedule as that I had at Inspidea. The need to do good animations for up to 3 scenes a day was quite daunting for one such as I, having just started into the field back then. I fared well nevertheless, having learnt the trade as I went along and doing even at times 4 scenes per day so as to provide a sufficient buffer incase of unforeseen circumstances that may impede this rather tight and rigid schedule.

For my current assignment, our team is tasked to accomplish our goals within 8 (working) days with less than a 10 people, as compared to those bygone deays when something of such magnitude we are given about a dozen people or have 15 days to finish such a quantity (I think in all likelyhood though, the present work is more in quantity than back then, but I cannot verify with full confidence)

Complete 3 scenes per day and I will be fine, back then. Today it is a minimum of 5 scenes per day, and unless I do not want to suffer in case of unfortunate occurances hampering the schedule I am obliged to rake it up to 6-7 scenes per day when possible. This means literally working all thoughout the hours at office with absolutely very small amount of breaks (excluding lunch, but so it is not encouraged for people to work in front of their PCs for 4 hours non stop). It is the heaven sent condition that uncaring employers would love but an absolute hell for the workers. To be fair I cannot be certain if my collegues share this sentiment as I do now, but on hindsight they do not seem to me as concerned with the difficult deadline as I am.

I would have, in the past, celebrated this momentous achievement as a milestone in my abilities, but I jave so often asked these days, to what end are these achievements? In past, we can come to celebrate the deeds we endevour to do by a result we can all believe in, or at the very least hope for a better condition. For the curent work, I worry that all we have achieved is simply nothing more than to validate at the seemingly uncaring higher-ups that Yes, it seems quite possible for us to be whipped like so much slaves to achieve this inhuman amount of labor, which seemed plausible to be repeated again and again in the future. This is because we don't see any initiative taken to improve such conditions.

Elsewhere the world moves on, opportunities come and go, but for the work at hand I am forced to let them all pass by as I helplessly watch. What else can I do? I have not the space or time in the schedule to partake in its glories. Where once I had always that 'magic' where I can work miracles to allow myself leaves and absent periods via compressing my work schedule, now I can not do so for the schedule as it is, is already that much compressed.

Having said so, I wished I had more time to write. More energy to write. But I am drained, tired and quite literally bitter. I will leave this at that for now.

Too Much of....

2010-01-07T16:54:00.003+08:00

I rant. I rant.

We cry for freedom. Everyday we cry for freedom. We cry for it since the ages past, and in times to come we will still cry fot it. We want freedom over many things; how we live our lives, what we choose for ourselves, what we want to believe in. We want it adamantly so, that we are threathened by anything that might impose on us in ways we do not like.

Over time, we grow resentful on these impositions, we rebel against it. Yes, we are rebels. We think of ourselves different. We think ourselves better, at least in regards of our personal interests. We want to be free, we want to be independent so we rebel against it. Against what?

Against it. The tradional, the common, the norm, the usual, the accepted wisdom, the System, the way things are. We should act, observe, analyze differently than the rest. We should think differently. We should alter our perceptions of things. We should think outside the box, we have to remove the typical governing mind frame and... perceive in our own manner.

Freedom after all is the ideal, isn't it? We want freedom so much. We want freedom, without restraint. We want it, it is our right. You do not agree? You are backward. You are close minded. You are imposing restrictions... which is bad. Nothing good will ever come out of that accepted wisdom you so fearfully cling on to. You are not thinking clear enough.

You are angry, my thinking insults your beliefs? You are being over sensitive. It is my right and freedom to believe what I want and to invoke that believe as I please. You, old school conservatives with your backward ways are living in the past, are too restrictive and close minded. Fancy getting touchy over such trivial things like your faiths and beliefs.

My ways are about being open minded and accepting other people's own choices in things. Oh yes, I am open minded, which is why I enjoy ridiculing your backward thinking. We all must be open minded, like me, my way of thinking is how the future should be. Let's be open to all things, to be more accepting of other people and their...quirky nuances. Let's be welcoming to gays, satanists, and all other bat-shit alignments. And while we are on that, let's work for a way to welcome thievery as acceptable. It's not like stealing hurts anyone after all, the supposed victims are after all at fault for leaving themselves vulnerable.

Throw away the shackles of the old. Tradition? Religion? Those conservatives are mired in the old days. Of course, we should have tradition, religion... but those things should be evolved to a point of accomodating our new found freedom of beliefs.

It is freedom after all. We should strive for it. Oh yes... We should strive for too much freedom.

The Triumvirate of the Black Bird

2010-01-05T16:04:00.004+08:00

There were 3 people.

Last Saturday turned my thoughts on this triumvirate, made me harken back to days of old.

There was an add-on to the 'staff' from differing sides and circles but at the heart of it was the three persons. I am at a disadvantage when in regards to these three compared to many other people in this circle for having known them closely only for a year. The Final Year at that.

I have faint recollection as to why and what made it such an irresistable choice, merely that it was a graphic novel inspired movie, but for all intents and purposes, we know them simply, as... the Crows.

Whilst I never considered myself truly a part of what that name symbolizes back then but merely acquainted with those people, it would be a gross understatement to say they had little impact on my course and present condition.

Whilst I have always had an interest in art and drawing, it wasn't until these three introduced me to comic books that I had a more definite focus in that field of interest. What I recall most is the usual trips on Fridays, just prior to the Friday prayers, to Central Market (Pasar Seni) where we would purchase comic books, myself just starting to buy Spider-Man comics then. Being the kids that we were, the issue of reading said recently-purchased-source-of-interest was used to conveniently replace the khutbah at Friday Prayers. Couple with the fact that we read those comics then in plain sight amongst all the other attendees of the prayer session, and that the mosque in question was Masjid Negara (The National Mosque), I dare say we were quite.... bold.

As far as my 12 year old self goes, they were the biggest catalyst that propels me to my current field of interest.

Ah, but how far have we come since those innocent days as primary school kids.

Johan was back then the most dominating of the three. He was the biggest after all. Strange how the opposite can be said of today. I may perhaps err but he exhibited an air of confidence back then that was at times assuring, making one always likened for his approval in things (comic book art being chief among them) but also at times making him quite intimidating and somewhat less approachable. Today, after meeting him recently, I dare say the confidence is there but not the intimidation. He is involved in... selling insurance if I am not mistaken. He will be wed in about 3 months time or so from the time of writing, or so I've been told.

Afizal was the smallest then, at least that is how I recall. He has the distinction of forever being labeled in my mind as 'tok guru' (master) because he helped and provided a lot of inspiration for me in developing my own interest in drawing. The guy was a genius in drawing, second only to a few other people I knew back then. I tried going through tonnes of dust, old memoribilia and junk, but I can't find that one, somewhat silly, little work we had done in collaboration back then. It was some weird idea... ah of course, 'Lemon Guy' the title of it was. The guy was also the biggest joker of the three and it would be rare indeed for the guy to lose his humor. Presently he had the distinction, if my (less than) keen sense of sight is accurate, of being the tallest of the three, yet another contradiction of the old balance. He is now... and I'm questioning if I am getting this right.... in weather forecast? He is now an expecting to be a parent.

Hakim, congratulations to him on his recent wedding last Saturday, is the more malleable of the three. If memory serves, he was the one that made me have ties with the Crows back then in the first place, the one that had me initially hooked on to the whole business of comics. Less funny than one, not as intimidating as the other, I think he was the best to be the more diplomatic of the three, but of course I make no claims on the discourse of their dealings with others, I am after all telling something as I remember it. Without his influence, the rest would be irrelevant as I would see it. The one thing I remember about him back in the day was that the guy had 'iron hair'. He would really use quite a bit of hair gel which resulted in his hair being of set shape and condition, like it was a solid brick or a piece of iron. Recently wed, the guy currently works and lives in Russia. Correct me if I am wrong but 'shipbuilding' or something akin to it is his trade. Our 'komrade' returned in time for his wedding and is due back there soon. He has his roots still strong back home I suppose, I would have find myself a hot Russian chi... oh, right... never mind, this isn't about me.

I am amused that none followed the art path, as I did. But then I suppose that is how things are. Sometimes we follow what is obvious. And sometimes, we only indulge enough so as to help others find their path. At the very least they seem to be in relative good positions in their respective trade. Whatever happens from now on, I suppose we will just have to see.

Borderlands: Claptraps and 87 Bazillion Guns

2009-12-20T19:14:00.004+08:00

Meet Lilith. She is a Siren, humans (and always women) who are altered by Eridian (alien) Technology or such that they obtain amazing powers. In Lilith's case, she can phasewalk, or jump into another dimension where enemies could not see or touch her, allowing her to make good her escape in nasty encounters or to sneak up and kill people behind their backs, by electtrocuting them, burining them, or melting them. As well as any other bystanders around her, because the act of going in and out of phasewalk causes a large area effect blast that is very harmful.

Anyhow I thought of using some available image but I feared copyright issues and/or too lazy to go for permissions for other individuals' screenshots and stuff, and me being busy (work+gaming itself) I thought I'd just open up flash and do a quick pic so that all you others can see Lilith...to a point.

Before this all gets too much, let's take a few steps back. What I am mentioning here is about Borderlands, an action Role Playing Shooter, which is a mix of First Person Shooter and an added layer of Role Playing elements. Borderlands is first released for the XBOX 360 and such consoles, but it has made itself a very capable PC port.

In the midst of my ever escalating EVE Online goals, and my exploration of Dragon Age: Origins stories, I have found a gem in Borderlands, a game I initially obtained just for the fun of it before getting the likes of Dragon Age. And whilst Dragon Age is infinitely awesome, I think there will be enough people out there writing, talking, drawing, 'fan-fictioning' or worshipping(?) Bioware's latest effort (mind you, I am trying to get ALL the downloadable content for it!) so I've decided to write instead of Borderlands, a game that seemingly has less the acclaim and spotlight compared to the Bioware epic, but one I found that I've clocked as much hours playing as I do the other.

1. Guns... lots of guns....

Borderlands is a shooter, first and foremost, so it's about guns, gunning people, and using twitch skills for the said purpose of gunning down folks. And to ensure you have an awesome time gunning people down, the game provides BAZILLIONS of gun types, made possible by allowing the AI to randomly generate weapons by mix and match of several prefixes and attributes. To that end, you'll see sniper rifles that incinerates people, submachineguns that electrocute people, shotguns with scopes, and even weapons that regenerate their own ammo. In theory, this is very similiar to how games like Diablo 2 generate loot for the players.

This is the gun-nut's paradise. There is no set specific attribute for guns, and even guns of the same unique name and type will have differing statistics everytime you (re)try to obtain it (or if two people find the same gun in their own playthroughs). Pandora is made for the gun nut. You are always looking for that bigger better gun.And the many attributes makes it really a personal choice of which gun you keep; be it that super single shot gun or the one that stack fire damage over time that literally fries the enemy in a few seconds.

2. There's a Vault in the Wasteland, but it is not Fallout...

The world of Borderlands is called Pandora, and in no way was this intentional or to mirror the recent James Cameron epic movie, though Borderlands itself does pay tribute to a lot of pop culture reference. At first, you can say Pandora is an area of desert wasteland, which will bring up the image of Fallout series games at once but that aside, there are quite a few differences, most vertainly the art style; Fallout games tend to look more serious and drab, Borderlands is more comic art style and colorful. Borderlands thus is more humorous, take itself less seriously and more action oriented than the more RPG style of Fallout.

Populating the world of Pandora are human settlers who have been abandoned in a recent corporate evacuation, former penal workers turned bandits, quirky and annoying and sometimes very comical robots called Claptraps (it's official desgination is CL4P-TP) and of course alien fauna. In all this mix of elements, there lies the VAULT, something left behind by a race of ancient aliens that is rumored to contain untold bounty. That is where you, an off-worlder comes in.

3. I still like the chick, no matter what...

Players get to choose to be one of 4 possible characters, and though each is said to have their own personal agenda/backstory, the game itself is caters for you, as one of the 4, to go search for the Vault.. There is Roland, an ex-soldier/mercenary whose unique class ability is to deploy sentry turrets and is as capable with guns as he is capable at supporting team mates (in multiplayer). Supposedly he is looking at Pandora for a someone he once swore to kill.

Mordecai is a hunter, as deadly at range with a sniper rifle as he is at close range with his blade, and has a pet Bloodwing that he can use to attack enemies. Apparently a disgruntled person, he is here on Pandora looking for bounty.

For the upclose and personal types, there's Brick, a towering, hulking muscleman who excels at beating the crap out of people with his fists, I kid you not, his fists are deadlier than guns. Other than that he also likes explosives. For such a violent background I did not expect to read that Brick is on Pandora looking for his sister.

Of course, there's the aforementined babe, Lilith. A Siren, bonafide redhead hottie whom when asked how she got her powers, she claims that she obtains it from crossing the 'hotness threshold'. "Any woman as good looking as me can do what I do," so she says. She is on Pandora looking for a woman, supposedly another siren.

(I don't know why they have such backstories though when it is never addressed in game..but still...)

Each character has a skill tree almost similiar to Diablo 2 style as well, that helps boost combat prowess and overall abilities, which is unlocked and improved via skillpoints obtained when a player levels up after obtaining sufficient experience points. They also have inventories where they can store and equip items, weaponsry and the like.

4. I know I've heard that before!

Borderlands is quite the funny game. Character give out funny one liners that are jokes, or takes on other references. Indeed, it also has a great deal of pop culture references, such as character names like Mad Mel and Bruce McClaine which are an obvious take for Mad Max played by Mel Gibson and John McClaine (Die Hard series) played by Bruce Willis. Go about the world and you may find damaged Claptraps in need of repair. In that state you can hear these robots crying... and muttering, "I can see the Code...." which is an obvious take on the Matrix.

Of course My favourite reference is of the in game boss, Jaynis Cobb who lives in Jaynistown. Anyone who has watched JossWhedon's Firefly series should be able to instantly make the connection with the TV shows character Jayne, and the one episode which was titled "Jaynestown".

Fore more on that you can see here:
http://borderlands.wikia.com/wiki/Borderlands_pop_culture_references

Well, I think I've wrote enough for the day.... Now to find that better gun....

A lonely people

2009-11-12T17:30:00.002+08:00

A thought, from one person.

There are billions of people in the world. There are likely to be trillions of differing combinations of interests personas and interests. Big cities alone can account from hundreds of thousands to a few million people within them.

We are surrounded by people.

There was the dream, the big dream. A dream where we are all one people, walking hand in hand together towards the pursuit of harmony and the promise of the future. Look to your left, or look to your right, somewhere we will always yet find another soul. Only the remote parts of the world can be truly solitary, yet even then most people live in communities still, no matter how small but never just one.

The believe is thus we are not alone. We can rely on others, as they do on us.

Or is it?

People are individuals, with individual concerns. If the nature of one is the pursuit of one's many goals in promotion of one's self, then the successful aim of the collective is thus nothing but a coincidence where a number of people can find their individual goals aligned. If that is so, are societies, communities nothing more than a collective of individuals with coincidentally aligned interests? Are friends therefore nothing but defensive mechanism of a person to provide for their individual insecurities and safety, like wearing a life jacket when travelling on a boat, only to be discarded when we have not the need to be assured of our own security?

Is this what they mean when they say that if you want something done you have to do it yourself? Because only you would care for the entirety of that particular deed?

Don't we after all discard so many people from our lives as we move on? People we once called... friends?

There'll come a time when we face something, anything, and all we would want is for someone to come and reach out a hand. But no one comes. No one answers the call. No one wants to answer the call.

It is different from death. In death we are alone, and no one can come for you. But then there are times, other things, seemingly less trivial than death, but no one wants to come. Is that not much worse a thing?

Truly we are a lonely people.

Games and I: Final Part

2009-11-10T17:11:00.003+08:00

And Beyond....

I can now sit and game, in my own chair, under my own roof, in front of my own PC. What a far cry this is compared to the first days of my gaming experiences.

For all ends and purposes, the era of the LAN gaming is in sharp decline, if not over. A-3-3-3 would thus remain a memory, the very spot that was the gaming hub for so many of us now lie populated with people whom we are strangers to. With so many of us scattered and moving to different areas as well as different phases of our lives, there is no place left here to resurrect that old era. Purchase any place, furnish it to your heart's contents; the players are not here anymore.

And with that, even the time of going to Cybercafes has sharply declined. On far too few occasions would ever we head to Blitz, that place which once for a short while tried to keep the torch of LAN gaming burning but a while longer. And even then without the complete, familiar casts that we have known for so long.

It will never be the same again.

But gaming marches on.

Time may be a commodity I have in lesser supply than previously, but with that scarifice, other opportunities arise. Being self-funded now, there opens the door to one gaming arena that has somewhat fascinated us but never dared we step to it, not whilst our resources remain uncertain. But now, with somewhat steady resources for the time being, I indulge myself in EVE Online, an MMO focusing on flying starships across the largest online universe available. I spent close to over 2 years already investing in EVE, and I am happy enough to have the ability now to fly a lot of different ships, and own a dozen or so vessels in my hangar.

EVE is persistent, online and thus making it very much a long term gaming commitment, though one you can do at whatever pace you decide. EVE is also harsh, full of dangers and populated with a multiple groups who seem very militantly elitists. And to that end, surviving in EVE is about being smart, being able to gather friends and allies, and personally I think, being thick skulled enough to argue/stand arguments about 'how others think you should play the game'.

I think one of the prevailing arguments is the 'what's best to focus on' argument. Without a doubt so many things in EVE has been labelled as FTL (for the LOSE) and a select few ships and weapons are deemed suited for the Epic Wins. I think some people would not approve of my training to fly almost all ships and use a lot of differing weapons. Recently, I have managed to enable myself to fly all four races' Tech I sub-capital ships. It's not focused, true, and I can fly but a handful of the higher-end ships, and I reckon I'll take a year more before I think of starting capital ship class training.

Besides I think focusing too much is for power players, and its not a lot of fun. EVE can be dangerously competitive, but in the end, I just cannot see it as a... military regiment or such. A mock, virtual militia maybe, but one where the idea is to have fun. And I don't have fun by just being able to use so few things only, regardless of how adapt one can get at it. Of course, diversifying takes a heck of a lot of time, but I think I can make time for EVE.

That aside, I am not stupid enough to claim EVE is sufficient enough for one's gaming needs these days. EVE is long term, true, but I think best taken in moderate doses, and not slaving away hours upon hours, day after day playing it. For that we have other games.

Being able to afford and save up for my own hardware, which as I have mentioned is pretty awesome at the time of writing, the options of what game to get is quite literally HUGE.

I have installed and played on my PC games like Sacred 2, Command and Conquer RedAlert 3 with its expansion, Fallout 3, Supreme Commander, Dawn of War 2, Empires Total War, Mass Effect and quite recently Borderlands and Dragon Age: Origins, both of which are less than a month old since release (Dragon Age is barely a week old) and both games I can now play on a system that can support relatively high graphics setting, of which I own, and not have to bow down to the whims of others who can but cast me out at their will whenever they want to use their PC. Oh, yes, it's all fair to argue that it is their right as owners of the PC to do that, but it does not make it any less upsetting to be booted out, regardless what is seemingly 'right'.

But now no longer.

The world has been set right.

What holds in store for the future of gaming? Or specifically, my gaming? New games are constantly pushing the frontiers of computing technology and with it greater levels of experience and interactivity.The leaps gaming industry has made astounds me sometimes, and I am gleeful over the exciting possibilities of what the industry will offer next, and whether I can still keep up of course. It's a fierce race to keep up with the latest technological innovation in computing. For now though, I can allocate sufficient resources to keep up. I pray I can keep it up in the future.

Almost time to go. Work ends in a bit. I'll have to hurry home. I have darkspawns and dragons to slay.

Games and I: Part 5

2009-10-31T02:05:00.002+08:00

All Good Things Comes to an End

Nobody stays one place forever. I may have stayed in Cyberjaya longer than quite a number of my comrades, but I know it won't be till the end of time. Eventually we all would leave when the time comes, some sooner than others.

Ash eventually left, went back to his homeland. He was in fact a 'Jabba the Hut' in that he travelled around very little, did not do much, yet affected the surrounding with his (lazy) presence. It is not a formalized custom but the next one to sit at the same spot in A3-3-3 after Ash would come to define the gaming scene there as well.

In similiar manner, I would call this next phase the Raj Era.

Under the aegis of this era, I find that the traditional RTS scene declined a little. Certainly by then C&C: Generals wasn't as big, both Act of War and Empires were largely defunct, Homeworld series completed and aside Naz, no one else plays starship games. Dawn of War declined as well, though more in terms of its intensity. New expansions kept it going long enough to a point we can see the age of the game finally showing, but to all extents and purposes it was not as epic or intense as the game was initially. We might blame that on making it more 'noob' friendly, but ultimately I think we got too good to a point it finally lacked the challenge.

Raj was never as keen on such games anyways. His known method in Dawn of War was even far cheesier than Ash's power play style; Raj spams turrets. And when that ability was nerfed in the expansions, Raj lost quite a lot of interest in Warhammer. He played some FPS as well, and much like Ash before him, loved women player characters with magically aligned tendencies in RPGs. I cannot fairly say how he was into the whole thing, because it seemed he wasn't as keen into deeper RPGs and more inclined for Diablo-esque action RPGs.

Additionally he played football games. Especially those... unbelievably 'exciting' football management games.

But what Raj did best was of course Warcraft 3 and its many variants.

I mentioned on Warcraft 3 and my opinions towards it in the past. While we did relive Warcraft 3 multiplayer in 'vanilla' style, the greater inclination was towards its many mods. Certainly Raj had passion for tower defense games, which is quite a staple thing among the modders.

But none of this would highlight the era better than DotA.

Defense of the Ancients (All Stars) is a basically simple concept. It is divided into two sides with each side periodically spawning NPC troops that march forward automatically along 3 seperate pathways towards the enemy base, engaging anything of the opposing side that comes along the way. As a player on each team, we pick a character/hero, progress by gaining experience and earning money to buy equipment whilst supporting the NPC forces as we push towards enemy base.

The genius of the game is that in such simple mechanics, a great deal of variety can be found by its ever increasing choice of heroes and items. Certainly, as I would realize later, this mechanic helped emphasize an individual players psychology.

Raj was the dominant sponsor and supporter of this game. It became a routine for him at times.

I remember the first time playing it. Not being a cyberia resident, let alone a full time A3-3-3 tenant, I lagged behind in discovering and honing my skills in the game. So it was that one day, I came to A3-3-3 and was pushed into playing DotA without so much as any introduction or guidance on the gameplay.

I certainly remember Naz, Raj and probably Omar being in the opposite team. Why this 3 are significant will be told shortly, but suffice to say for now, they represent some of the top players we have, and they DEFINITELY have had practice on the game before (Note: I also recall now it was a few days since my prior visit that time, so at best the guys could have had several days head start in getting used to the game). In their defense, as they always claimed later on, these 3 enjoy being in the same team because there is a harmony in their gameplays with each other, and they can rely on each other to fulfill roles. But as a first time player, and always having a semi-outsider feel to the whole of A3-3-3, I always felt a touch of being bullied by what is clearly a superior player base. In my view, placing the absolute newbie with the clearly lesser players in one time, while the better players all congregate against us was quite the imbalance. It would not be the only time I had to go against a more skilled and stronger group in this game.

I remember a few key details of the match. I played the Panda, got killed or at least severely punished everytime I tried to confront ANY of their heroes, and my own team mates seem uncoordinated. As it felt that it was getting stupid from that point on, I decided to play on what I know. Certainly I have a feeling they know they face the lesser team, and seemingly appear not as focused as they should have been. My choice was thus to decline confrontation with them; I helped push the line forward alongside the troops, turned away when they came to strike (hopefully agitating them enough by denying them a kill), and tried what I can to organize the other 2 team mates, which was tricky regardless.

That was my first match in DotA, and barring myself from getting Hero-kills which I am just to new to know how to get em easily, I won that first match. A thousand kills would mean squat if your lines are broken and your citadel is being hacked away by enemy troops. And that was what happened to them. In the future, I would play at least once more with such odds; and that match was even closer than this first one, but my side still won.

True the opposition wasn't giving it all their best, which if they did, they could easily have won, but they didn't; either because by adopting such stance a defeat would not be so humiliating or because largely underesmating my side, I don't really know. In either case, I took opportunity of that to snatch victory from the enemy's claws.

What makes the player base significant in this era was that, in one match (which I being the only one who was employed and needed sleep for the night, was therefore no present to even be a spectator), the triumvirate of Raj-Naz-Omar won in a 3 vs 5 match up, in which the three were all melee characters. To date, it can be said as the house' most significant match and disproportionate victory. From then one, these 3 would the FFs, or Forbidden Formation, so called because they would always win if playing together that they must be seperated in the name of fairness. On side note, they later wanted to expand the FF ranks, probably to irk those who whine about them as well, which included myself as an extended member.

But the FFs, despite being offered an honorary position in it, is something minor in my recollection. I was always a fan of the underdog, David vs Goliath, the small overcoming the big. Being a superpower had a cushy feel to it, but beating a superpower when one himself is not, gives great amount of pride. More than being FFs, I recall the times when I had to go against fellow FFs. More than the ease of mutual understanding that leads to smooth victorious gameplay, I would recall the nerve wrecking, sometimes quite frustrating moments in organizing a shaky coalition against the former.

In a way, DotA gave some clear reflection of a person's psychology. I know on one of the players in the house is a power player, favouring a heavy direct damaging ability to be superior. I recall some of them that totally abhorred risk to the point of cowardly whilst one constantly flirts with risk. I know some who favoured fast strikes and using speed and stealth to gain victory over brute strength, and without a doubt Raj was the most notorious for always playing in the most disruptive manner that leaves little wonder why many would seek to 'remove' him first from the battlefield. And I being not a twitcher, know that direct confrontation is not my best thing. Whether I am thus defensive or a simply a line-pusher, it is probably best for others to decide. Personally, I always felt that all others are subordinate to victory. Victory alone gives measure to achievements.

DotA was in fact a high water mark of gaming in A3-3-3. Afterwards, there was precious few games that generated as much intense following among the majority of the people there, and by then real life started to creep up on the rest as well. Most got jobs at that one place, to a point it irks me to hear them talking incesantly about their workplace while at dinner or any sort of outing. (No, I didn't choose to invade upon these excursions on quite a number of times, I was invited to it). Eventually, A3-3-3 was a congregation of people with currently, relatively similiar fields and not as heavy gamers anymore; a point that seems to alienate me even more.

People fall out, things get old, and when you are as detached as I am to a place, or at the very least not as attached to the place as the others are, these declines can be downright sudden and baffling to you. I visited A3-3-3 to play games with other people. This has been true since the Ash era, where multiplayer began to be dominant. After DotA declined, and many new games were not enthusiastically received my some members of the house (Raj was against C&C 3 somehow), my visits then were largely for computer usage. Eventually, with no multiplayer going on as much, and finally I have started to save enough for my own PC, the scene quietly died for me.

In this essence, I can say that this becomes quite like a second retirement for me from LAN gaming. I love my PC, and I am deeply proud of it, but until internet and income of the people I know can come to accomodate group-multiplayer gaming again, the glory that was the 2 eras of A3-3-3 are gone, and perhaps never to be repeated.

(next: finale) :p

That old place, that memorable place...

2009-10-28T12:03:00.003+08:00

I will eventually get to wrapping up my "Games and I" series of posts soon, just thought of reminiscing on other memories as well.

I never could say there was more a work place that left an impression on me than that one place in Kelana Jaya. I find the memories of it hanging on both ends of the rope, good and the... not so good. Never have I felt utterly drained of my being that when I was there, but never yet have I felt a sense of belonging than when I was there. It was neither a hell nor was it home. It was that place in between, a kaleidoscope of sentiments, a torrent of black and white.

Could it be said that it was a place that afforded me least benefits? No, I am certain by what I have seen since that other places would give back to you much less than that place. Nor can I say it has given me the most; I do earn more, in a way, where I am now instead.

If then it would mean that it was just an average place, then again I would have missed the mark. It was anything but average. It can get monotonous, but then which work place doesn't? But it did offer me something I find somewhat lacking in other places.

To be honest, I barely remember the specific deadlines, only the rough amount of time given to us for a particular work. I don't remember exactly when I had the most issues with the management nor when each of the time I felt like loosing my temper over how things were there. It's enough that I remembere there were such instances. That in itself is nothing new, for I still see that elsewhere.

I lost count on how many parties we had there, only that we did have quite a few. I don't remember specific awards was bestowed upon the place, or whether it was in my time or otherwise; only that it did gain its share of acclaim.

But I do remember the faces.

And the names.

There were (and some are probably still there) amongst the most memorable of people that I had the opportunity of meeting, for they all carried a flaw within them, some more pronounced than others, but it is sometimes those very flaws that one remembers fondly. They had character. They were unique people to say the least. But they were great. In over a year since I last left the place, there has been far too few people that truly remained as vivid a memory as the people there.

Some I was close to, some I barely knew, but all are part of the place; pieces of a puzzle that shows the greater picture. I remember them fondly.

Most especially, what I feel strongly in comparison to as I am now is that these people helped me. And helped each other too, even without even interacting with one another. There was a spirit of dedication there, not the obsessive purely concentrated kind but of the more calmer type that does not wish to dissapoint the next person. Whether or not I hated the work, I was compelled to excel anyways. And hate I did have plenty.

There is many things not to like about being there. Foremost as I said, why be there when you could get better rewards elsewhere? Secondly, most would not want to make it their home, but it was thrust upon us to spend so much time there, at work, when for the longest times the thought of being home was all that I could have at times. Why be there in a place that seems only to appreciate your hard work by rewarding you with even more work?

For the people I suppose. You are not perfect, in fact I have reasons to call out against many of them by specifics. But when absent for so long, and a picture of them, and of that old place surfaces, you cannot help but smile. And if you could do that, then for whatever the cause otherwise, I would think that you are, upon seeing that picture, reliving good memories. And in good memories lived these good people, all of whom the likes of which I have yet to know any who could replace any of them.

I worked through a kind of hell there, the likes of which I haven't encountered since, but I have never achieved more than what I did there afterwards. I spent far too much time there, robbing myself of my own precious personal free time, but I still cannot find myself to regret it. And I can bitch about many of them there each day, but I cannot but contain a smile at the thought of them now.

What I am saying maybe touchy-feely, but if one cannot be honest about ones own perception of fond memories, then when else to be honest?

I do not know what has it become today, how things have changed there. I would reckon quite a lot, even if some of the faces remain. But that old place, that memorable place... it is to me, today, a place of legend...

Games and I: Part 4

2009-10-26T13:26:00.004+08:00

A New Empire

With the advent of FPS, the twitchers took over the multiplayer gaming scene at the CyberCafes and tactical and strategic thinkers like myself retreated into the realm of singleplayer gaming; venturing only on some rare occasion to relive the wonderful days of multiplayer RTS. As people were running amok on CS (CounterStrike) and Quake 3 (which I was truly dissapointed, as the previous Quake games were story-based games, not mindless arena frag-chasing idiocies), I took the time off from competitive gaming with new genres or newer line up of RTS from little known publisher/developers. Most people do not really recall or have indulge in RTS games such as Total Annihilation, Dark Reign, Dark Colony, Mech Commander I or KKND (Krush Kill N Destroy).

As this coincide with my end of schooling years, it was initially a retirement of sorts from multiplayer gaming. From then on, I was no longer the competitive, aggressive gamer that I used to be in matches of Starcraft and C&C series.

In between my time finishing school and joining MMU, I was in a perpetual limbo where without a PC I can rely on, I was largely cut off from gaming as much as I used to, and for the time being devoted myself to my artistic pursuits instead. Additionally, falling in love with a chick can help time pass away as well.... sigh.

MMU began for me like many other places I've been to, full of uncertainty yet failed to impress me. What I began to realize a little later was that here, PCs are a common commodity and that friends are more likely to let you use their computers than certain siblings. Let's not be coy, my brother hogged the PC as much as he can at home, lining it up with passwords and stuff to reduce my usage of it, and at times even when I am on it, used a pretext of important work or necessary technical operations to get me off the PC, and later when said work is done, he will queitly start gaming and then I'd have better luck waiting for chickens to hatch from their eggs than getting back on the PC anytime soon.

The first years had little multiplayer gaming for me, and followed a trend of completing single player games more often than competing against other people. The network in campus however was a heaven sent thing, despite its usual lagginess. Following CS-craze, that was the popular platform for multiplayer gaming on that network platform. But it did instill the idea or the possibility of using it for other purposes.

Fast forward a year or two later. A friend had his own apartment, and now networks are localized and connecting small groups of PCs, all belonging to people we know. Warcraft 3 was out, and multiplayer was a blast. I remarked around then how rusty I was at multiplayer gaming by then, having been in relative retirement for a few years. It didn't help that as I've found out, Warcraft 3 had a tendency to be somewhat of a micromanage-twitching hell for me; to be very adept at it, one has to do something like this in the outset of battle when your little army group encounters the enemy army group... "select group> target enemies >TAB> second subgroup of units in group highlighted>Cast spell> target at enemy>TAB>Cast protective/Buff Spell on allies>TAB>Select fighting mode etc>Select Group 2>Target Enemy>TAB>Cast Spell/Buff>Target enemy>TAB> secondary spell caster group if any> Select Group 1 again"... and likely repeat all. Said process seems required to be done within 2-3 seconds at MOST, because apparently in Warcraft 3, even 0.5 seconds can make a difference.

I feel fatigued and stressed just recalling that.

It had its fun moments, but it wasn't all that for me. Better yet were the bouts of RedAlert 2 and their ridiculous units and funny vids, though somewhat of an old school vanilla RTS, at least I didn't need to handle the controls like I was playing the accordian.

All this was still a precursor of sorts to the next gaming empire, so to speak.

It began (and somehow, appropriately, ended...) at A3-3-3.

For me, A3-3-3 gaming was divided into 2 eras, named after the occupants of a particular PC spot in the house who somehow was always the IT/PC tech guy of the group. The Ash Era and the Raj Era was distinctly marked by our tendencies for certain genres.

I recall Ash as a type of SteamRolling Power player in RTS. The simplest and direct methods are his preference to get things done. Ash Era was strongly emphasized on RTS games like C&C: Generals and Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War. While there are a smattering few bouts of UT2004, CS, Quake 3 and such FPS (They probably played a lot, but I chose not to join as much). Also worth noting was that at this there was little to no CyberCafe gaming at all; the house was the only arena. Under Ash's preferences we loved "big things that go boom". C&C: Generals catered to this, for the most part. An official add-on and a few mods later, Generals became an exercise of fireworks for us, we as a team worked to produce the most awesome fireworks display possible, on the enemy AI of course.

A notable event would be the few times we did a PvP match up on Generals. Based on written facts, if any can be said as such, would say that most of the matches results in Ash or whatever side he is with winning the game. In fact, I got into one such match myself and my side lost to his. Whining and shifting blame seems like the unspoken anathema of the house eventually, but on my opinion, it had nothing to do with Ash superiority at all; he was usually fighting inferior people anyways, and in my 2 on 2 match up, it was hardly a fair thing, because 3 of 4 players had strengths to rely on, superior defense and sneaky tactics for me; strong, fast offense on one side, and the deadly steamrolling on Ash's part. The 4th player was a weak link, and given the nature of the people of the house, I know for a fact that certain people have been singled out as such, and the better ones usually don't like having these 'lessers' on the same team as they are. In short, being not a true occupant of A3-3-3 I am one of those usually getting stuck with such sort on my side. Oh well, nevermind, the 4th guy did not contribute much, and against strong ground and air offensives, I cannot hold. But that's not to say I did not accomplish much at all; I raided the airforce base, had a few buildings taken down, and I stole a Nuclear missile silo belonging to Ash, right under his nose.

In the Ash Era, Warhammer 40K: Dawn of War came about. This would be out constant gaming platform for a long time, and eventually outlived Ash's Era. There is too much to say of this game, it was intense, yet somehow balanced between management and action. It was neither too 'vanilla' like the C&C series, nor was it a concert of keyboard control tapping like Warcraft 3. Suffice to say that some of the most EPIC battles were fought here, and the constant add ons delivered for the game and the increasing number of factions kept the experience somewhat fresh all along. We played Dawn of War at A3-3-3 and beyond, eventually having played so at Cyber Cafes once A-3-3-3 was largely defunct.

I would like to think that the diversity (in total 9 playabla factions), enchanced combat system (squad based, equipment changes, cover systems) and bloody violence was the key to making it an excellent game, not to mention a degree of customization for individual armies. Ah, the days of me planting a flag bearing a raccoon on it, onto a strategic point.... or Ash's hot-chick banner.

Amazingly, in our time playing RTS and looking for EPIC fights, we managed to attain one such battle in a relatively average game; Empires: Dawn of the Modern World. Made up names as well as specific units like Longshanks, Battle for Cameron Highlands, Trafalgar Square, V2 Rockets, King Tigers, SAS would invoke memories of 4-hour long battles that lasted through the night, ending with satisfied exhaustion and retelling battle stories in the morning of the recent massive conflict. Truly, for me, this was an RTS milestone. In times of 30 minute matches, a 4 hour game is a testament to our pursuit of epic battles.

I can't be sure under which era does Act of War fall in, and awesome as it was, I still think that what Act of War did was not so much as an overall new thing, but rather a direction into which games like Generals could evolve into. Yes, it was awesome. Yes, it produced quite a few engaging memories.But ultimately, I felt that it was rather short lived, and a pity too, because I feel it should have been longer.

In anycase, the barrier which limited my experiences to single player on has lifted by then. Multiplayer was back....

Games and I: Part 3

2009-10-15T13:15:00.003+08:00

Playing God: The Role Playing Element

RTS was not the only genre around.

By the very end of my time in Secondary school, a growing new trend seems to eclispse even the popularity of the strategy-turned-twitching game; Starcraft. Strategy games in fact were losing dominance as the premier network game at cyber cafes. First Person Shooter (FPS) was on the rise.

Years and years after Wolfenstein 3D and the Doom and Quake series were initially launched, First Person shooters did not dominate the multiplayer scene as much, or at least not from where I was then. Late 1999 however, a game by some developers called Valve changed that. Half Life proved not only a compelling story driven game, it was also wonderfully enjoyable as a multiplayer game as people flocked to blow each others brains out. I theorized that the personal nature of engaging violence has something to do with it, but earlier games probably did not cater enough in their mechanics to overthrow RTS.

Probably.

However, great as Half Life was, and not to mention phenomenal was Counter-Strike, a Half Life mod then, these are games that are somewhat deeply rooted in the twitch culture, and as I have mentioned, I despise twitch gaming. It is an interesting paradox, because I find some of these FPS are thoroughly enjoyable, but I despise the somewhat unspoken prequisite required to be competitive in these games; twitch skills. This resentment was further deepened when Counter Strike introduced this most hateful of culture amongst gun-wielding personas; the Jump Sniping.

(I have covered my loathing for this in a post in the past, so I will not elaborate further on this)

But I was awakened to the joy of a more personal attachment to game elements as opposed to the somewhat detached nature one would have playing RTS. This in turn steered me towards another genre; Role Playing Games (RPG). One of the most pronounced difference in RPGs over FPS despite both being about controlling just one entity/character was that in RPG it was still largely governed by in-game statistics. The characters speed, response, strength, agility and all that is not a reflection of your finger-skills, but your character-building and development. Therefore, I can have a tad bit slower reflex or less steady finger/hand aiming skills than most, but my avatar can still kick ass.

I have seen RPGs before and heard excessive talks about them by others. For the most part, Dungeons & Dragons style things seemed to nerdy and complex, and those darn Final Fantasy games just doesn't seem to make sense for me.

The first PC RPG I played was Diablo. Not any of the deeper D&D inspired platforms, or such; just plain simple straightforward Diablo. This is good because, in my case, I feel it is better not to dive straight to complexities, and indulge in something easily understood first. By giving quick and easy interface, simple intuitive concepts, I was soon immersed in the quest to destroy the demon lord awaiting at the 16th level of the underground dungeons. It was from this game also that I find myself in preference to relying on 'steel over sorcery'. Magic is powerful, but there seems to be so much intricacies to it that it irritates me; mana consumption, avoiding being closed in, different spells for different situations etc.

It took several years before Diablo 2 came out. It was, and still is quite an enjoyable RPG. At its announcement, my prediction was that the Necromancer would be my class of choice. True, I despise magic, but having multitudes of henchmen seems awesome. Plus, Paladin feels to generic of the old warrior class in the first game, and Barbarian isn't my thing; I was then already an advocate of Legionaries, and despised unruly barbarians, and preferred disciplined soldiery.

It is worth noting that these choices are in fact somewhat of a role playing element, and this can be said as new to me, because in RTS I cater to a side that can suit my strategies; here it seems purely on vain reasons.

I did not want to play as women back then. (Also I have posted before on playing females in RPGS so I won't elaborate on the merits of it much) This stems more from the old childhood mentality like "Girls are loosers and annoying". It was not so strange that I ended up finding the fragile nature of the Necromancer a tad bit annoying, but it was new experience for me to find that I enjoy playing the Amazon. Granted, thigh-baring skin-tight outfit, and seeing her bum wiggle about as she runs around the world is a tad bit sexy, and I have said I am all in support of sexy chicks in games, but still, this is Role Playing, and there I was, my character a chick.

I will only say this; I believe my natural acceptance in playing chick characters is made easy, aside from my liking of sexy chicks, is that as an avid RTS player, I NEVER felt the need to represent myself on the battlefield. Unlike many who play RPGs with their character as an avatar or alter ego of themselves, I view the character as a creation, an extension of an arsenal I wield. I was commanding the character, not being the character.

And just as the Tomb Raider series creator said, if you're going to spend hours playing the game, might as well have a character that is nice to look at.

Later on, Neverwinter Nights came out, and this was character development and storytelling on a much deeper level than Diablo-style games. I feel that for a complete newbie, it can get a little overwhelming. Neverwinter Nights did not start out explosively action packed, and it wasn't all about just killing things. Some people could lose interest. Fortunately, by this time I was well entrenched in preference for RPG gaming that it prepared me enough to take up the challenge.

And yes, I made a chick character.

For the most part, what intrigued me on RPGs like Neverwinter Nights was firstly the relationships one can have with other NPCs, ranging from hostility to friendly comaraderie to even romantic relationships. This for me is epitomized finally in Mass Effect with your character having seduced and made love to an NPC which you have made your character very...chummy with.

That aside, Bioware for one have been remodelling and redifining character alignments, bad or good, lawful or unlawful etc. What started out as generic good and evil turned to shades of grey with Jade Empire's Open Palm vs Closed fist and Mass Effect's Paragon and Renegade alignments in whcih both are not opposites of each other or cancel each other out, but are added traits to a character.

Lastly, where Diablo offered a template of characters based on specific classes, the physical appearance of your character in Neverwinter Nights for example is far more customizable.

Over time, RPGs themselves evolved, an action RPGs ala Diablo are but one of the varieties to choose from and even RTS games began importing elements of RPGs to spice up their gameplay. Deeper RPGs with incredible storytelling though began to capture my imagination more, and from then on, I would name Neverwinter Nights, Knights of the Old Republic, Fallout 3, Mass Effect and the like among my top favourite games.

But along side these pure deep RPGs I also enjoy the occasional Diablo-style action RPG, especially with Diablo 2, Titan Quest, Sacred and Dungeon Siege series. Also for me worth noting is the FPS/RPG hybrid of Vampires: The Masquerade - Bloodlines. This was a rather rough edged or unpolished game that could have benefited with further debugging and cleaner visuals. Yet the concept and story was somewhat inspiring, and the dynamics it gave of vampire society made it much more than just Half Life 2 clone (It uses Hlaf Life 2's engine). Vampires lets you customize appearance as much as Diablo does, which is by class or in this case by Clan. However it does include character stats and attribute that further adds or enhances your avatar's abilities in game. Observing some civilized codes while roaming in the game of conduct also means there is more to this than just blind combat.

RPGs in short allows me a more in depth immersion into fantasy, and with the need to worry less over the big picture and focus from a more singular point of view. As my second choice of genre to play, I feel that this category is worth its own chapter.

Games and I: Part 2

2009-10-04T20:39:00.002+08:00

(Warning: Real Time Strategy gaming terminologies used)

The Dawn Of Strategy

The first Command and Conquer started sometime in the early mid 90s, followed closely after by Warcraft: Orcs and Humans. These are the next evolution of the game made by Westwood Studios, Dune 2. Command and Conquer (C&C; also called Tiberian Dawn) was made by Westwood Studios itself, whilst Warcraft is made by the studio that is practically a household name for gamers today, Blizzard Entertainment. Warcraft was soon followed by its sequel Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness, whilst C&C is followed by the expansion Covert Ops and much later the spin off C&C: Redalert.

When I first got my hands on C&C it was late in my primary school years, and as is usually the case, the PC at home would not suffice, so I had to play it at this shop that my brother found out, which allowed us to game for some reason. For free at that. I missed Warcraft almost completely, and only got my hands on Warcraft 2. In short these early eras of RTS was a small though significant footnote in my gaming history. I did nothing but got myself acquainted further with the evolving dynamics of the genre.

When I was in Form 2 (14 years old) and studying in Ipoh and far away from home, the seeds of a booming cybercafe mania has been planted at the area near my school. There, I played Command and Conquer: RedAlert.

The miraculous achievement of cyber cafes there, for me at least, was that they networked the computers together (still something new for me and most of the people I know at that time). While I grinded away at RedAlert in solo skirmish and missions, there was now the option to fight, against a human opponent. I would have liked to brag on specifically how I rose to become well reknowned in the field of RedAlert, but frankly I can barely recall much details. I know in general though that I displayed a certain level of aptitude towards the game which was evident only among a select few of us. What is certain however is that even at this so early in the stages of RTS gameplay, the notion of beating your opponents by outclicking him in building battle tanks has emerged. The idiocy of the tank rush has begun.

By the time I was finally challenged by one of the 'better' players, many other lesser players have begun playing and adopting the use of tank rushes. It came to no surprise then that such tactic, which so heavily favors the Russian faction of the game would be my opponents choice, as is my leaning for naval combat and the Allied factions superiority became the basis for my opponent choosing a combat area without any seas for me to employ my powerful naval units. I decided to play along, and refused to choose Russians instead.

Everyone watching and us playing would have opted for a titanic clash of battle tanks. It never happened. Using a few tanks with imfantry support, I attacked fast and early, keeping him on his toes, which of course he wasnt worried. Already he had a bigger tank force and had multiple Tesla coil defenses at his base, which he easily used to beat my raids. It did not matter as I was just seeting up the tone of his expectations. When I finally did attack, it came not in the form of tanks but attack helicopters. With only one SAM defense, there was little he could do to stop me.

Taking out his key production in one swoop, all the while maintaning the offense did the trick. In truth he had sufficient tanks to wipe me out still, but so demoralized as he was, he resigned. That was my first truly memorable victory, and it is still something I keenly recall.

The next few years saw some improvements in RTS gaming, and by the time C&C 2:Tiberian Sun came out we ended that with a big bang of a 3 on 3 team game, which my side won; significantly while my overwhelming deception trick was not at all used, the idea of fast early raids with just 'weak' infantry enabled us to control the pacing of the game and ultimately won us the fight.

Most significant though, of the RTS of this time, was Starcraft. Made by Blizzard, Starcraft represent a new style of RTS where the opposing faction are diversely different from one another, down to the very infrastructure of their respective developments. This key issue balances out further by having limited unit cap, and the having strong counters to almost every weapon type. Starcraft was a game that could not be won by simple tank rush tactics.

I approached Starcraft in a typical manner; first to study it via singleplayer mechanics, then trying whatever method I can exploit over the generic and somewhat dull system of resourcing-researching-reaping the fields with uber units. The zergling rush, was in a sense almost a tank rush except it could never really win extended games on its own. Rather, the rush had stronger psychological effects, in which it severely supresses an enemy very early in the game, a hallmark of my style by then. The Nydus canal exploit, Protoss Recall ability, Nuking, Marine rushes, and all that soon began to be a regular item on the menu. The first most especially enabled me to achieve a crushing defeat on a fellow Zerg player.

I loved Starcraft, and the Broodwar expansion even more. But Starcraft was also the seed in which began to spawn in the future a trend that I personally do not like. Very soon, probably pioneered by Koreans or Chinese, Starcraft began to be less of a game of wits and more of a test of formula. Gamers would thus memorize and practice a formula in establishing themselves, and define themselves by being better and fast over others in implementing said formula. Innovation slackened and routine crept up.

Once a solid formula was set, and it became a contest of who had better finger reflexes to implement these the fastest, my ultimate bane, twitch gaming, has finally invaded the realm of strategy.

At around this time, I began exploring other RTS, especially ones where innovation and creativity is most paramount to succeeding. These games were almost infinitely slower than Starcraft, so to speak, but also requires more thought and patience to accomplish its given goals.

Two of note would be Mech Commander and the very game that begun my space odyssey: Homeworld.

Games and I: Part 1

2009-10-03T01:29:00.005+08:00

I recently bought a new Core i7 Processor with an awesome Republic of Gamer's ASUS Rampage II Extreme motherboard that comes loaded with a SoundBlaster X-Fi inside. Inclusive of the cost of new triple channel and a huge new casing and mouse, I spent well over RM3,000 on these upgrades. Counting the high end graphics card, flatscreen monitor and Cooler Master 850W True Power supply unit, and 2 SATA hard disks, The overall amount of money poured in this venture likely exceeds RM 6,000.

At long last, the world is set right. At long last, as is proper and should be, I have a gaming system that is superior to that of quite a LOT of other people that I know. A true gaming machine for a true gamer, I would like to think... *smug grin*.

I feel so overwhelmingly satisfied and happy, because in my history of gaming, it wasn't always good, and in terms of hardware and such I rarely and almost never get first pickings. I had to compromise and settle for lesser items, or I have to place myself at the mercy of other people's preference by playing on THEIR platforms.

I think it is curious how I came to be here, given how I began being involved in gaming.

In the Beginning...

Some time in the early to mid 1990s or so, my family had two items of note that burns brightly in the obscureness of my memories. On one hand, we had bought a Sega: Megadrive console, which if I recall correctly was among the top consoles of its time. Console games are quick access games that offer direct single and multiplayer fun at just the plug of a cartridge (which was the medium in which games are stored at the time).

The most notable thing about Sega was that it was mostly Japanese, and therefore, as is typical of them, they had really hot babes in their games. It was an introduction of sorts for me to the world of hot game chicks.

The memory remains clear as day on that matter; for those curious enough, the main chicks of Golden Axe and Bare Knuckle (also known as Streets of Rage in US version I think) are most notable. Looking back, I find it amusing that for some kid clueless on matters of sexiness and all (if you are all that curious, I learnt about sex some 3 years or so after that) to actually be able to just swallow whole the idea of some seriously hot chick fighting monsters and badguys with a sword and wearing nothing but a bikini... and not question the practicality of it.

But aside that, I learnt that a lot of games for the console (back then) lacked a certain kind of depth, and usually, in cases of arcade fighting style games especially, it required a kind of skill that rests heavily on hand-eye coordination and quick reflexes; otherwise what we would call twitch gaming. And of course, much to my dismay, I learnt that my twitch abilities does not seem to grow on the same level as quite a number of other people.

I would soon largely abandon console gaming but that stigma would remain.

Aside from the console, some years later my dad bought an 80386 Computer, which ran on a 1MB RAM and 40MB hard disk. It was one of those systems that was a precursor to the Intel Pentium series (which will be out a year or two after that if I am not mistaken). If memory serves, we obtained a copy of Wolfenstein 3D; the grand daddy of First person shooters, from a collegue of my mom's, who used to play it at the office. Wolfenstein was fun and unique for its time, and if anything, firing a chaingun at Hitler himself until we.... liquify him is awesome fun. I couldn;t tell though if I was better at it or my brother, but generally I concede in these matters to my brother.

The other booming game genre we had was flight simulators. Flight sims comes in two flavours, twitch and non twitch; that is to say, action packed fast paced combat sims, or tactical sims. I had little play time on the former, because we never own such titles like X-wing vs Tie Fighter and such ourselves, so whenever we could get our hands on it, it was usually my brother's hands. We did get a copy on the later type, which was a F117 Nighthawk flight sim. I was given some time trying it out this time, and while there was a sentiment for me to try to obtain ranks and promotion in the game, I could not however match my brother's enthusiasm in the genre. Flight sims until today remains something largely my brother's cup of tea.

At one point though, and from sources I have absolutely no recollection of, we managed to get another game. Though I started by viewing it with the same enthusiasm as with previous games (which is largely just average amount of amusement, but not putting too much passion into it, because my brother will hog all the time on it anyways), this next one would end up seriously defining my gaming diet. That game was Dune 2.

Dune 2 was interesting. We had buildings we can make, defense turrets and walls to further line our beautifully built establishment, which we will then use to churn out military forces to attack the enemy's base. Today we call the concept Real-Time strategy (RTS), but back then I call it simply pure awesomeness. As always though, my brother, in all his usual annoyingness hogged as much time as he could on that game. It would be much later before I can get my hands on it personally, but that I did, and many a times I played without having him looking over my shoulder.

Even on that most basic of RTS, the rule that bigger is not always best, has begun to be applied. I think most people are imprinted with that idea, bigger is best, because I can fairly say that my brother very much preferred building just the biggest and baddest and toughest unit he can in any given mission of the game. I started by following this path too, until one day... a breakthrough.

All these games have a system of scoring and all, and some a measure of time; as in how long you took to run the course. To keep it in general terms, there comes this one mission, where I somehow just... saw.... a logic. An idea. A simple.... strategic choice. A cheaper unit in that game, I saw, could be more effective than the biggest unit available then, provided it was handled carefully. I tried the idea, and through a series of maneuvers, this army of cheaper units beat the mission at better efficiency and par time than my brother ever could.

I realize then that I can never have my brother's enthusiasm on sims, or other people's twitchiness, but here, on the plains of strategy, I had at last found a calling...

A General is born.

(to be continued....)

Don't Worry Be Happy

2009-09-01T08:01:00.003+08:00

You know life has been relatively uninspiring the past week. In fact, the only highlights would be the low points; the most prominent being the blackout that lasted for more than 24 hours. With that in mind, its relatively important, from my point of view, that we try to make our weekends as rejuvenating as possible. Sadly at times, I feel two days off simply doesn't cut it. More often than not we feel incomplete with the 2 days off that is routine in the working life.

Yet today, I feel quite.... good.

Why?

Because that was not the case with the recent weekend. We had an extra day off on Monday, the National Day, August 31st. It went off fairly with not much of a big deal, the celebrations this year feels less grandiose than that of the previous years, but nevertheless it felt calm enough, despite the current political climate as well as the constant threat of A(H1N1) outbreak.

You know the sentiment that "you dont know what you've got till its gone", or the fact that we sometimes need the lack of something to appreciate it? National Day was quiet, with very little fanfare, and even some who doesn't realize the holiday, let alone come to wish me for the occassion. But out of all that... neglect, one person did remember, and I felt that one person remembering me when many others didn't really do so, the effect seems to resonate louder. So for that, thank you Mel. You're the best of buddies! :P

Now there are a few belated wishes for the National Day to be sure but none as as... punctual or early as Mel.

Secondly, EVE. Progress is slow, training up for lvl 5 skills, even more so with Naz's infectious impetuousness. But I'm happy enough to make relatively good earnings in the weekend, participated in some PvP training, and even managing to come out on top in a duel with an ill-fitted ship. It also helps that flying around occasionally in Selene, my Assault Frigate, with its awesome rocket firing menace, is quite a breather from the bulky combat of battleships.

Additionally, a new EFT is out! Woot!

Thirdly, most obviously for today... well how can I put it?

I stood with a book in hand to pass the time off, waiting for the bus. It came relatively early, a surprise because of its track records. I managed to get a seat. Then she walks into the bus, shiny black top, pink skirt and a new black bag. Ohh.. the bus stop chick is back. :P

Gratitude and Punishment

2009-08-25T08:08:00.003+08:00

I wanted to talk about UP, but I think it's still too early lest I alienate those who haven't watched it yet. So I'll spend time on other things then.

It's curious that the 2 concerns I had recently has been covered by Tun Dr Mahathir in his blog, back to back.

1. The first and earlier issue is titled "The Doctors" in which is based on the content of his speech given to some medical graduates. In it, he details about our students, sent abroad to study medicine and such under government scholarship, which after finishing their studies, said students decided not to come back to Malaysia and instead provide their services and skills that they havve studied while being paid for by the MALAYSIAN government, for these other, developed countries. Now I know, the environment provided by such countries are much better than what we have locally. God knows, doing animation would probably be much better in France or the US, or film making in Hollywood, just to state a few. And yes, I think it goes without saying that a lot of times, the pay out there is better than what we will get back here anyways.

I however cannot reconcile with such a notion, even if my studies are only paid by government loan instead of scholarship, which I have to repay in time. Loan or scholarship, I think as Malaysians, we should the importance of contributing to the country. Yes, I know, what we have here isn't as much as some out there; the systems we have here can be outdated, archaic, disorganized, inefficient; the people in our industries could possibly comprised in larger percentage of the incompetent, the inexperienced or downright simply people we don't like to be with. But to be perfectly honest, if we don't fix it, who else will? Who build and fix Malaysia and raise her standards to match other countries if not us Malaysians? What, do you expect Americans, Britains, French or other such western nations, or Japan, or Korea to help build the our own country simply because we decide to work in their country? A lot of people told me in the past that I should try my luck overseas and all, because they think I have sufficient talent. After all bodies like Filem Negara or Finas and such would likely hamper and limit my creative vision in storytelling. But I tell you this, I do not feel that my place of work to be anywhere else but in Malaysia. I will visit England, the US, Africa or such, but where I work and where I live is here.

2. The second matter is about the recent story of a local model, who after being found guily of drinking beer (she is muslim) is sentenced to canings as punishment (I dont remember any other additional sentences nor the number of lashings sentenced). Under Islamic Law, yes, drinking alcohol is prohibited. And it is also true the said model herself has willingly agreed to the sentence. My point here is that there seems to be an underlying celebration, a quiet sense of triumph at punishment. Yes offenders should be punished, but publicizing it, making it look like a glorious thing or to center-stage punishment as the aspect of Islamic rule seems just wrong to me. We should talk of her repentence, making only a passing note on the punishment.

People say with the punishment, more and more people out there will be inclined to obey the law. But I dare say I disagree. When you push people, they will push you back eventually. It is probably a matter of time before all we see about the governing body, or even the general society, is simply punish, punish, punish. Those who eventually realized that one day will start crying out "tyranny!". And we can guess all too well where that can lead to. Yes, you CAN say that such a heavy traditionalized Islamic society can perhaps bring some good, but believe me when I say, if you know human psychology especially, it won't matter much when the focus is all on the negative issue.

Tun Dr Mahathir questioned if the punishment is suitable in relations to the offense commited. I don't know, I'm not deeply religious. Some say that is what the core Islamic rules say, and to that I can't comment. I can only say it feels quite excessive, but then people largely knew that stealing was supposedly punishable by cutting off ones hands, the Hukum Hudud I think its called, but even then I think it is excessive. After all I cannot imagine how enacting those measures can assure anything but confirm the outsiders that muslims are a vicious people, as they so often feared.

Maneuver and Not Charge Head On

2009-08-18T09:16:00.004+08:00

One of the most annoying things I find in life is being told by entire mobs of people what to do, what is best and what to follow. Call it conformity, or being normal or following on the wisdom of others/accepted wisdom and all that; butter it up or degrade the thing anyway you like it. What matters here is that we as a people should have already known by now, after millennia of history that those who specifically do not conform, who find their own way through things, are ultimately those who shape chapters in history itself.

"We learn that by being different comes at a social price. But there is a greater price to pay for slavishly conforming: we lose the power that comes from our individuality, from a way of doing things that is authentically our own. We fight like everyone else, which makes us predictable and conventional." - The 33 Strategies of War, by Robert Greene.

1. First example: This is a story I read in the above mentioned book, and of all the story it is the most enlightening, and entertaining one for me.

"It was in Japan during the 1540s that onboard a river ferry, a young samurai was boasting to the crowd with stories of his greatness as a swordsman. He seemed intimidating that the other passengers were a little intimidated by him and thus feigned interest in his boasts. However one older man shows no interest at all, and carrying 2 swords himself, the older man was clearly a samurai as well. In fact he is Tsukahara Bokuden, allegedly the best swordsman of the time.

The younger man was annoyed at this and taunted the old man, saying the elder probably didnt even know how to use a sword, to which the older man replied that he did, but his way was not to use his swords in such inconsequential circumstance as this; a way of using a sword that doesn't use a sword. Don't talk gibberish, said the younger man and asked what the older man's school of fighting called.

It's called Mutekatsu-ryu (style that wins without swords or fighting), came the reply.

The younger samurai was puzzled at how can one win without fighting, and got more angry and irritated and challenged the older man to a duel then and there. The old man Bokuden refused a duel in the crowded boat but agreed to it at the nearest shore. As they approached a nearby island, the younger man grew more impetuous, and eager to prove his skills to the old man, so the moment they reached the shore, he leapt off the boat hurriedly.

Bokuden took his time, which made the younger man angrier. The older man carefully got up and handed his sword to the ferryman, and proclaimed ' My style is Mutekatsu-ryu. I have no need for a sword,' and with that he took the ferryman's long oar and pushed the boat quickly back into the waters, leaving the younger man stranded on the island. The younger samurai screamed for the boat to return, to which Bokuden shouted back in reply 'This is what is called victory without fighting. I dare you to jump into the water and swim here!' "

What is instructive to me in the whole tale is that Bokuden did not fight in the given or accepted framework of the situation as is the norm. When challenged thus to a duel, most would think that to outsmart the opponent involves some fancy trick during the duel itself; be it a hidden weapon or some obscure weapon skill or using the terrain of the duel site itself. Bokuden demonstrated that we should think in an even larger context than that, and whilst many would think on how to best the duel, he made the duel utterly irrelevant.

Again, by defying the norm, such heavily one sided victory at such little a cost has been achieved. It clearly demonstrates how much trapping our typical, conventional framework of our perceptions really is, or how much people in general have been limited in their views.

2. Second Example: For any who know of, or has played EVE Online, we would be overwhelmed firstly by the sheer scale and dynamics of the game, but also of how the players who populate it reflect real life all to closely. In EVE there has been a constant debate as to which of the 4 fictional races have the best starships. There has always been a strong support for Amarr, and much the same can be said of the Gallente, which only invite a slightly more criticism than the former. Then comes the Caldari, whom many in the game would claim its utter failure in PvP, (player versus player interactions, typically you/your ship fighting another ship controlled by another player). Fortunately Caldari has the saving grace of being the most solid shield tanking faction, the best PvE (Player versus Environment, usually its you versus ships controlled by the game AI) and of course the best Electronics Warfare, making it equally adept in PvP when in larger gangs.

The Minmatar receives typically the harshest response from more among the player base; its inherent fragileness of their ships (ships being held by duct tape as some would say) and the supposed ineffectiveness of their weapons systems makes the Minmatar race seemingly the most worthless of the sides, never mind that everyone in EVE knows, at least, Minmatar have the fastest ships.

I'm not going to detail specifically bit by bit on why I believe Minmatar can work well, but merely to post my observation on the mentioned phenomenon. Amarr typically has solid armor tanking (most favored in PvP NOT because its stronger than shields but because it frees up med slots for tackling and/or E-War) and Lasers, which is very powerful, with good range and using absolutely no ammo save for the capacitor drain. Gallente has solid armor tanking as well, and combined versatility of drones and damaging potential of blasters (King of DPS, some say), its not hard to like Gallente; that is if you can look past the rather weird design aesthetics they have. Caldari is tricky, because using med slots for tank meaning they lack solo ship versatility that the previous two had, but by virtue of solid shield tank for PvE and usefulness in gangs, they can be tolerable but requires more management in fleets than the earlier two. Minmatar generally has lower hitpoints, is never best at anything except speed and have mixed slot layouts and fittings, usually relying... no, needing more than 1 type of weapons system to work, thus it would seem much weaker than the rest.

If anyone can see what I am getting at, then I am truly happy you did. Otherwise, let me explain.

There are two ways of winning a fight; maneuver and attrition, as said in the 33 Strategies of War, and attrition is the common way of beating ones foe through superior strength and overwhelming force. Maneuver requires more planning and cunning, but otherwise is superior because it enables weaker forces to win against superior ones. Maneuver requires plans, and thought, and definitely a degree of awareness and creativity. Compared to that, attrition is a mentally lazy way of making war, yet it is still the conventional one.

Having said that, Amarr with strongest armor, strong weapons with good reach are masters of attritional warfare, and Gallente would be next in line for that. Caldari requires more thought, and Minmatar can be downright frustrating to use. Yet it is in that line of preference, as I have spent DAYS reading the forums that the general player base prefers. Yes, let me make it clear, the players of EVE reach such consensus by either being LAZY or unimaginative. My way of seeing it is that with so much versatility and lack of focus, Minmatar is a fluid force that can easily be molded into any shape, for many situations, which usually involves fighting in NOT the conventional way. A creative mind can do surprising things with such a weapon, but most of all, it can affect the enemy's psychology better than the stale manner in which Amarr and Gallente fights. In short, what I am saying is, with so many options for the Minmatar as opposed to the rest, I think it can be quite easy to keep enemies guessing as to what you would do.

Indeed those 2 are the large dominating empires in EVE, and in a way can be seen as symbols of decadence.

Of course that in itself is in a framework assuming people use one race of ships only, which is bad, as usually in EVE, most players tend to cross train to different races eventually, so the strategic options are infinitely more complex when facing any one of such players.

---------

In conclusion, I find that being strategic and inventive means more than simply having a novel idea and tactic. It's about seeing the bigger picture, to factor in elements that transcend just the immediate battlefield, and to be ultimately adaptable to changing circumstances. A novel idea today is tomorrow the conventional, and thus vulnerable to the next novel idea.

Mind Your Manners

2009-07-23T19:04:00.004+08:00

I have always placed a high value in being straight forward. I must admit I suck at the art of "hinting" and giving out clues. Maybe that's why I'm still single. I do not read clues well nor do I know how to approach certain matters with subtlety.

But I know that being straightforwardly blunt is not the way to go through life. The truth hurts, and whilst I don't promote the idea of sugar coating facts, I also believe it is entirely possible to deliver a fact clean and clear but with respect and politeness.

A friend of mine said that chivalry is dead. Be that true or otherwise, I can never be certain. What I do know is no matter what the excuse or line of reasoning, I firmly believe that there's never an excuse to not be polite. It doesn't hurt you to be mindful of other people's emotion. If it comes to you as annoying or exhausting or tedious or time consuming to have manners, then that is certainly due to your own warped perspective on the matter. If we can devote time and effort, as well as deep passion for our jobs, for our possessions or for hobbies, then spending a little consideration and time to be polite isn't really a big thing.

Why is it that for a lot of people, when we say being direct and truthful, it sometimes comes to them as a necessity to either hurt people by that truth, or to be absolutely disregarding the fact of the other person's feelings? I think that as a people, we are far too concerned with a great many things that there are aspects in culture and life that slip past us as we try to hold a tighter grip on our existence in this modern society. The need for precision, quick thinking, making right choices, or the urgency of larger issues like the economy, politics, the environment have all but made us put the matter of ethics on the back seat.

In this day and age, the Malays in Malaysia have largely been like underdeveloped people and some popular opinion would have the blame placed on the fact that the malays stress to much on being polite. That is not entirely true. The fact is probably that we worry about pleasing others too much or not offending others so much, that we let ourselves be stepped on. That, however, is not the same as being polite. We can be firm but polite, still. We can be direct but still maintain ethics. We can be truthful but mindful of what others feel.

I know I would be to blame of being rude at times. We all would be guilty of such one time or other. That however should not deter us from encouraging others to be respectful.

Yet, what further disheartens me regarding the matter is that some groups of people that should be iconized as the symbol of politeness, have themselves conducted in manners rather rude in nature. Day by day, as I take the bus and train to work, I find it baffling that it's not the youngsters that strike me as rude, but rather those elder middle aged LADIES. Yes, that's quite true. These ladies are hassling for position to get on the bus or train first, pushing other people aside while talking obnoxiously loud amongst themselves.

I want to be respectful and give way for such elders, but really, with attitudes like that, I feel more inclined to shove them aside instead.

If the elderly, and especially by nature of them being ladies, are already giving such dismal example in a society, how can we expect the new generation to be respectful. Respect is earned, after all, but these so called elders are showing nothing worth respecting that some might wonder of what worth is respect anymore, if these supposed examples cared not of it?

We live in a very structured, pressured and stressful existence these days, and I guess this contributes to us loosing our grip on our manners; I would know because everyday there are always people around that irks me so. But I still figure it an element that we sorely need in these times. Think about it, if people are less rude, then wouldn't there be at least a tad bit less amount of stress as well?

But I do know that changing one's stance, one's attitude and way of thinking doesn't happen overnight. What matters though is that we try nevertheless.

Will you make the effort?

The Road of Dreams

2009-07-16T09:15:00.003+08:00

The great kings of old, Emperors of a bygone age, people who have etched their names in the pages of history; they have long steered the course of man. Most of what is today, is a consequence of their actions. Such was their influence.

I entertained the notion that I could at least be a small bit like such great people. I wanted to be the one that, gently at least, coax people towards a direction of my choosing, but not simply to exploit people of course. I wanted to go into the future with such people, grasping to dreams I striven for, and achieving it... together.

I joke a lot on being immortal; in truth I feel I have less time than others. I make myself out as the greatest, but everyone should know I'm just another person, albeit one with a destiny to achieve. I know not what it maybe, but I have ambitions and dreams.

"I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly because you tread on my dreams", my favourite line ever.

Because that simply reflects the reality of it all. I have dreams to aim for but I know it is not one for me to climb to alone. I will need help, I will need companions. And ultimately the dream is about sharing. It is not a singular achievement that once done can be neatly packed off into the history books and that being the end of it. It is a dream with continuity; a torch of my making of which to pass to others. Ultimately, the essence of the dream involves others, and upon others will that vision live...or die.

And I have a habit of not leaving much to chance, luck or any other fickle sentiments. My history, down to every dice roll I threw since I was small, revealed that anything that was left largely to luck, my turn out would be the unlucky one. I never won snake and ladders, because my dice roll was always crappy. In dozens upon dozens of lucky draws I was part of, I won but once, and even then it was second best and I'm thinking largely because everyone else had gotten their share. I gambled and I lost. I planned, meticulously even, and the chances are improved almost implicitly. Thus it is only expected that in pursuing dreams, I plan and prefer a familiar environment around me as I work towards it.

But people change, it is in effect one of the most constant inconsistence of life; that we never stay the same. I feel the same, much like I probably did 10 years ago, but upon closer inspection even I can see differences in my current self over my past self. God only knows how everyone else I knew have changed over the years. There were many in the past that nurtured the dream along with me, but how many have changed and have left the path, pursuing other things in life? I find myself looking at an ever diminishing number of familiar faces on the road of the dream, and I stop to wonder, will I be the only one in the end to bear the torch?

And I wondered, is it supreme arrogance to expect others to bear the torch of the dream all through the way, since it is my dream after all isn't it?

There is a God and He is Just. Sometimes I do overlook things that has been blessed upon me. In the midst of seeing the faces familiar to me dissappear, I forgotten to count the new faces that now walk the road with me. Some of these faces now even carry the torch steadier and higher than those of the old, and for that the light that is the dream has brightened, though with so many others leaving it dimishes as well, making it at a point of equilibrium I suppose.

When you think about that, you have to wonder that though one set of faces had first thought up the dream, will a whole completely different set of faces be walking with me down towards the dream instead? I don't know, but I still nurture the hope that amidst the newer faces, there will still be some old familiar ones to accompany me. I tend to cheerish more of those who has been with me the longest. It would be sad to see them all go.

So I question again, is it supreme arrogance to expect others to bear the torch of the dream all through the way, since it is my dream after all?

Perhaps, but then it was our dream... once.

Elitists

2009-07-08T09:41:00.003+08:00

EVE Online is the biggest MMO game ever. Yes, it is bigger than World of Warcraft, though the latter has several times more players, to be fair. It is also in my opinion to be one of the best MMO games ever, not just because it's spaceships and sci-fi instead of the overdone medieval fantasy genre, but also because unlike a lot of games, EVE encourages you to plot your own path in the game rather than hold your hand and guide you the way. You set your own objectives, your own time frame to achieve it and whatever means you prefer in getting there.

I suppose because it requires more thought and work on the player's behalf that some become very proud of what they can achieve. And with little game/dev restrictions on the level of freedom a player gets, there's so many varied ways to do things, but as always, a certain group would soon find a most efficient method among the myriad possibilities, and soon would start proclaiming its ascendency.

All that is fine enough, but probably because a lack of an imposing authority, the elite players soon become the authorities themselves. And they're first order of business is to make sure everyone steps in line to their ways or squash those budding newbies (noobs) who wants to go on different paths.

EVE to me was to represent a freedom of choice, but while we still can do that, it must be done with our ears red hot from listening to untold reprimands and criticism as to WHY WE SHOULD NOT DO IT. Does it kill you to just provide support or kind words of advice and encouragement when somebody wants to do something different? Or the very least just voice a light note of disagreement rather than outright squashing that person, publicly at that?

Do you lose anything if the player does a grievious error and has to pay for it? It's all part of his learning experience. I can tell right now that if I hadn't make mistakes before, I would be still ignorant in many facets to the realities and mechanics of the game. Sometimes a lesson has to be learnt the hard way. We complain how our parents restrict us from doing things we like and all that, and we know because of those restrictions we do not get the exposure and experience others would, yet when we are placed in similiar positions, we do the same thing, which is try to make others conform to your mindset.

To be honest, I hate elitist like these. I know some people think I'm elite in some things (not necessarily EVE) but my point of view is that the higher you get, the more obliged you are to be humble, helpful, polite and supportive. There is a basis to such thoughts in creating a civil, enlightened, progressive society instead of one dominated by bullies.

Differing views should be encouraged, and explored, and discussed. I want to tell you now that many great military geniuses in history achieved their fame by exploiting conformed mindsets and doing things differently. They don't stick to a set plan doggedly, but adapt and improvise almost constantly.

Going beyond simple gaming and EVE, we look at figures like Hannibal who defeated one of the largest Roman field army of the day using a small handful of his veteran soldiers backed in larger numbers of low quality local 'barbarian' troops. And this was against an enemy superior in numbers, weapons and technology. He won because he knew and exploited the standard Roman method of fighting of the day.

Romans later would win against Macedon, a county that is partly descendent of Alexander the great's empire. They had discipline, and is mostly equal to the Romans themselves, not to mention the sarissa, or long pikes their infantry use as the primary arm of the army has reach far beyond that of the Roman gladius. Yet, they are inflexible and that inherent inflexibility is what Rome exploited. They could have won against Rome if only they had adapted and continually evaluate the viability of their doctrines.

On another reading, more closer to our time, examines the reason why Arab armies always lose to a western or western based army. They key here again, is flexibility, adaptibility. Arab soldiers are just as hardy, disciplined and dogged in fighting as any. But in terms of command structure, they fear deviating from any preset plans thus even as the fluid motions of battle renders those doctrines and plans obsolete, they still cling on to it fervently. Ultimately this led them easily exploited by their enemies. All because of narrow foresight.

Coming to back to the Elitists; they are the group of people who are at the top, and because they are there, they think that theyre method of getting there is the best, and should be the only way to do so. They intend, whether they see it or not, to set what to conform to for others. In fact they discourage attempts to deviate from their plans in many, many ways possible.

In many ways, I think the Elitists look down on people. I don't think it's so often the case that the ideas others want to try out is ALL THE TIME, ALWAYS idiotic. It's likely that just because others have aspects the Elites look down on, whether one lacks the duration of experience, a certain character trait, or an unpreferred likings to some things, the Elites will look down on these people and would harshly, and quickly try to dismiss any intent voiced by such groups. And that's really it, isnt it? You look down on people. You think you are better.

You would think your ways are perfect and that voicing for any other way is simply a validation on why you would look down on people. The real fact of the matter is that by doing so, you have set yourself up for a fall. Yes, you did.

Why?

Because you the Elite have made yourself inflexible, predictable, unimaginative and overconfident

And the day I or any other underdogs finally pull you down from your lofty seat way up there and back to the gritty dirty earth below and trample over you and your inflexible ways, that will be the day of days for me, as I see the smug expression wiped off your face in shame and in turn the underdogs will now laugh back at you.

.....

okay, I think I didn't get enough sleep and I'm feeling very bitter, moody and definitely spiteful at the moment... but the main point stands.

Elitists. Bah. I spit on you.

Perversion

2009-06-29T12:23:00.002+08:00

The Malay saying goes "Siapa makan cili, dia yang terasa pedas". So I won't point any fingers specifically, or mention the names, or even acknowledge response to confirm anyones suspicions to identities and such. You know who you are, and that's it :P

I've talked several times here about chicks. In fact, talking about ships in EVE Online here is also like talking about chicks. It an inevitable fact that as guys (and even some girls as well), we like chicks. They're there and we love them.

Today, the slight twist is that I have in mind a matter on what chicks talk about.

Not all chicks, mind you. But from where I stand there is a significantly increasing number of such and having some so close to home is a discomforting fact. Really, what has happened?

I'm talking about about girls liking guys (if they can be said as guys) that are so feminine in aspect of have such boyish looks that we wonder if he has reached puberty. My common term for them is simply faggots. Or fags. Harsh? Well, yeah... and it should be. Because personally it feels like a perversion of nature, and generally speaking, doesn't anyone see the inherent negativity and dangers to such?

Probably not if you're the oh-so-liberal types that think gays are natural. I on the other hand think otherwise. Maybe I've been taught and brought up so much from the mould that my mother wished.

I have managed to browse several copies of my mother's collection of Cleo from the UK back in the early 80s. It surprisingly (not so pleasant to a guy though) features quite a number of guys in them, even a centre-spread photo of such. Supposedly hot and sexy guys, maybe, I'd wager a guess. The point here is that those guys featured in the centrespread is quite unlike the so-called guys the present manga-generation chicks of today oh-so-adore. They're not boyish, clean-smooth looking kids that are aged around early 20s but look like theyre 15. These are men, I suppose the proper term is, at best late 20s, maybe even some in their 30s.

And quoting something I hear from Russel Peters, "They're hairy!"

Russel Peters did say in one of his shows, men are supposed to be hairy. And seeing that in a copy of a 1980s magazine confirms that once upon a time, these are the men that chicks adore, proving that this is not something inherently and naturally considered unattractive. Quite the opposite in fact.

I also recall a time when I was drawing a male character, and since I followed some asian comics of the time, I kept his face smooth, and clean.

And my mom said to me, "Who is this sissy?". That's something I will always bear in mind.

That's part of the point only though.

I am distressed, really, to see girls today, not all but quite the number, go absolutely bonkers-head-over-heels at the picture of some anime guy. No, I don't think it's weird thinking a Toon or sort is hot. I'm sure a lot of us back in our 'younger' days considered Cheetara of the Thundercats the absolute HOT chick. What matters though, is the nature or characteristics of the cartoon/illustrated character. They're appearence is so fey-like, that many times I found myself asking "Who's this girl?" when the character is suppose to be male.

It's alright for a guy to shave, and it's alright for a guy to keep a relative smooth shaven appearence, but the aforementioned characters looked like they never had to shave anyways, and couple that with overall facial shape that is downright feminine, and the long glossy silky smooth hair (and for some, don't even get me started on their style of clothes), I guess lack of boobs and that occasionally, frighteningly, deep voice is the only thing that makes them male... of sorts.

Then there's some, when regarding to live characters and all instead of illustrated ones, go for those that look so blatantly young and boyish, that it's borderline being a pedophile. It's as if they like to toy around with such innocence, so much that I'm feeling almost a lost for words for this kind of behaviour. And as far as that goes, I will go on to point out that we have the opposite number in the male population as well; these anime loving guys whose epitome of chicks are those that seem so innocently childlike girls that I can't for the life of me accept her age as anymore than 14!!!

Maybe it is the media, like Russel Petes said, when he mentioned of todays advertisements and such portraying men without a single body hair, have that feminine look and all.

"That's what a man should look like" supposedly a girl would say, mocked Russel Peters, to which he made the reply "That's what a fucking woman should look like".

That said, I'm sure some very liberal people would shrug it off as they think it's people's right to chose what they like, so long as they don't bother others. It's that kind of thinking however is what makes me despise democratic-freedom based institutions. There's too much of this freedom crap that we hide a perversion under the cover of being "open minded". Freedom has its limitations, mind you and its not meant to pervert nature.

It's really disheartening to see all this. Women often complain where have all the good men gone, or something like that. There are many answers, I suppose.

But maybe some women have been so warped that they just can't see the real men anymore?

The Latest Lady in My Life

2009-06-21T15:15:00.006+08:00

I've been very busy as of late, with work as always, and the the accompanying idiocy that entails with it; the kind of bullshit that we can all do without but at the same time is inevitable because of the idiots who somehow manage to worm their way to positions of power.

But screw all that. The bus stop chick is gone, work is hell, and sometimes even time is in short supply. But I still manage to get THIS!!

A moment of awe if you will.

YES! That is in fact a Machariel class Battleship, amongst the most expensive of its kind, a pirate faction battleship that is in fact the fastest and the biggest of the Battleship classes.

That is my latest lady, the grandest thus far. Sonja Jones.

If that should sound familiar, it's because as the norm for me to name all my battlecruisers and battleships with a Claire Danes' character name. Why? because she's pretty and hot in a not slutty way and the same kind of way I tend to see my ships.

I posted a little on this ship in my other blog, but again let me just say flying around in EVE Online with limited time as I have, unlike others with almost no restraint in their timing, getting to the accumulated amount of 900 million ISK is no small feat. But with perserverence and strength of vision, I managed to obtain her far ahead of schedule. And I'm not just glossing the language here, because there were many voices around that called me to deviate my attention to other things, in game and out of it. But I chose to be focused, and now I reap the grandest of rewards.

Flying with Sonja has been quite a ride. She's much faster than Cossette. In fact most smaller battlecruisers even would have a hard time catching up to her without afterburners. And Sonja doesn't use afterburners. Her immense size also means she ahs a dominating presence, and the 23,000 shield HP (more than twice of Cossette's shields) means she has plenty to go for. She is however a passive tank, meaning to say the shields recharge based on passive recharge rates, which whilst cap-less, it is not as constant as an active tank, which means I'll need more time to understand her better.

Sonja is also, unlike either my previous battleships Yvaine and Cossette, not an 8 gun battleship. She is a 6 gun 2 missile launcher ship, a weakness in damage dealing when it comes to pure numbers but in practice it is further compensated by versatility in damage type. I do plan on getting higher end stuff for my latest lady in the long run, so that hopefully will even out the numbers.

Naz will be getting a Nightmare, another battleship just as costly, but with different strengths and also not to be underestimated. It's also less elegant looking but defnitely more scary or fierce looking, and though not as massive as Sonja, at least... it's VERTICAL! He still has quite far to go in getting it, but I wait eagerly for the day to see a Machariel and Nightmare side by side.

Office Chicks are Sexy

2009-05-06T19:35:00.003+08:00

Due to some really unfortunate medical circumstances, I have not went to work for two days. On the brightside, it has left me with time to ponder and to write.

Recently I've started to watch a new TV series. It started mainly because I was bored and hoped for something as entertaining with the calibre of Firefly, still a series I regard as the best I've ever seen, thus it came only natural to me that I'd be a tad bit curious about the series, Castle, starring Nathan Fillion who was also the lead in Firefly. CONTRARY to *someone's* expectation, I do not consider that person's blog a bible of sorts for me, so while its there where I learnt of Castle, I did not recall the full details he accounted on his blog.

Which is good for me, because it turned out to be a happy surprise. The series has elements that for a lack of better description, seems to have been tailor-made for me. A goofy, brilliant male lead who is both childish and brilliantly creative, partnered with a hot, 'strong' and sexy-in-a-casual-way, female detective, whom I described having a lot of similiarities with one of the earliest female characters I ever designed.

But I'm not here to dissect Castle, not elaborate deeply on the specific hotness of Stana Katic'c character, lest I invite further arguments from the aforementioned friend who is VERY likely to give a dose of his own thoughts. Rather, I'd talk about the aspect of that hotness, portrayed among other things in Castle, but also in a broader context.

And I like a tongue-in-cheek flavor to my comments here, but I also don't intend this to be one big joke either.

I'm talking about a kind of clothing for the women. My friend calls it "office attire" or professional clothings even. Either way, its a clothing that is smart, neat and above all, not really revealing. Hold on a minute, NOT REVEALING? Since when have I ever been into chick attire's that's not revealing? But that's the truth of it.

I cannot really rationalize it enough in words. I do know that the blouse and working trousers (or skirts for some, more *old skool* people) makes the woman attractive and hot by not being revealing. I can't for the life of me put it exactly where. It could be that it generates a stronger focus to the woman's face. The beauty of women is for me, largely in the face first. True, lots of guys would say that the first thing we look at when seeing hot chicks are her breasts. I wouldn't argue either, but if breasts attracts, then the face is what endures, what hooks us deeply, and what probably makes us want to stay longer. Some want to focus eyes, some say lips, some say the shape of the face, and I would say that I find Stana Katic's nose attractive, maybe because it has that ski-ramp, upturned shaped kind of like the comic book chicks of Danger Girl.

Or it could be the overall image it gives off. An independent woman. A woman who is her own self, a strong woman. Which I like. Which many of us guys would start to prefer I suppose. The damsel-in-distress thing is probably getting out of fashion. I'd want a girl who is an equal, not a subordinate. I'd prefer someone who can teach me a thing or too, instead of always needing my direction all the way. It's probably all that but still with a strong touch of feminity. After all what guys want is still an attractive woman.

Or it could be that most of the girls I know wear something overly casual though fashionable still. Tight jeans maybe, hot pants even on some, T shirts and such along with that. Even when they go to work. This is likely because most of the girls I know are in the creative, artsy line like myself, where we all, work or play, dress exceedingly casual. So a hot chick in formal office wear is a wake up call I so need, perhaps.

I do know though, it's something that I can't really place a finger on because, it was only after thinking about these matters that I realize something. That bus stop chick I see every once in a while in the mornings, she was sweet looking and all, but she wasn't really the drop dead gorgeous type, nor do I think she has a very curvaceous figure. I can't for the life of then figure out why she seemed to intrigue me, but finally I realized that all the while she wears professional like office attire, despite going to APIIT. (which is a college of sorts I think, don't know much else about it really). She also has a kind of face that I think looks better with her glasses on rather than off, in which she seemed more plain then.

Also realizing that Kate Beckett, the hot cop in Castle, has similiarities to an earlier character I made(as I stated earlier), Alex, it made me look back to what I originally sought out for. I think for people like me, we get bolder and more adventurous over time. We sought out for something, but soon empowered by daring we sought things for daring's sake only. I like sexy women, but I realize I've gone quite far down the "bikini-clad chicks" road, only to realize now that wasn't my original heading. And probably few other aspiring artists feel that way too. I mean you finally got the guts to do something as bold as a sexy bikini chick, I'm sure it feels empowering in some way. In time it becomes something more than an infatuation but more akin to... a rule. Odd and wrong perception I suppose. Sure, I'd still like drawing those but I guess what I'm saying now is that those aren't really a prequisite for my characters.

Sexy need not be revealing, I think is what I want to say here. Yes, I would also feel that a lot of people would say out loud to me "Duh, obviously!!!" but take it from me, many of us are often mislead these days. Drawing naked women seems to be heck of a work of art, and probably we associate that, wrongly, to beauty being revealing more skin. Of course we missed a point there. And also, in that context, I think, to one beholder or another, there are lots of sexy women out there. There could be some among those reading this for all I know. But what is certain, you need not bare all to join that list.

An Infuriorating Book and YouTube Revelations

2009-04-22T09:18:00.003+08:00

I haven't written here in a while, and I liked keeping the last post with Mewmew's drawing on the top as long as possible, but I guess we have to start something new sooner or later.

I finished reading an infuriorating book some weeks past. The title was "World War IV: The Long Struggle Against Islamofacism"by Norman Podhoretz. It's infuriorating not because of the terminology used, as I have no qualms about Islamofacism or radical Islamists and the like. It is abundantly clear what those refer to in contrast to most normal muslims as myself and the people I know.

What agitates me is the conclusions and and reasoning done by the author, among other things the rationalization that terrorists hate America simply for it's liberty and freedom, or the point where the author seems convinced that the opinions and decisions of the UN as well as their European 'allies' are no longer that relevant, or that he believes George W. Bush as a great leader and president. On the last part, I can't think of anyone more agitating to me than Bush, and all his rhetoric. Yet, in the book the author seems to champion Bush's visions and ideals, putting them forth like it was the greatest political ideal of our time.

It's no secret I disagree to almost all of the things he points out. But some of you might now be wondering why did I finish reading the book anyways? Or why I consider that as a wonderful gift for myself, for my recent birthday?

Understanding. That's why.

You don't need to agree with someone to understand his views. I for one understand why in some cases, there are supporters to the actions of the U.S that we from the rest of the world find it atrocious and irresponsible. I don't agree with their reasons mind you, I still think they're acting silly but if I were in their shoes, I could have easily fallen for the same thing.

For one thing, aggressive US foreign policy seems to be logically concluded that it stems from the view on the failure of peaceful means. For whatever specific examples we may want to give, the fact is they have seen those 'hostile' regimes time and again go back on their words, strike out against US interests and assets, and attempts to appease seems largely to have encouraged further aggression against them.

I'll try an example.

If some one hits you, and you try to talk it through peacefully, and still the guy hits you again, sooner or later, you'd want to resolve it with your fists as well. That seems logical, but of course deep thinking individuals would say, we should have sought out the root of why the guy hit us in the first place. But what if they guy said (for simplicity's sake) he hit you because you were wearing a blue shirt. Now from our point of view, that's just silly, and of course, we'd start accusing him of things, and resorted that it's pointless to peacefully argue because there's no rational way of solving what seemed a stupid reason.

But we may not know however that to him, as he has been living for all his life, and brought up under the teachings of his elders and such, that wearing blue shirts is a sacrilege, or as being very disrespectful or such. So, to him we're being rude, while to us, he's being irrational. We might not agree with what the blue shirt represents as he does, but we'd be beating up each other silly if we sought not to understand what his views are, despite how we will never agree to it.

Does understanding another's view excuses them of their misdeeds? Does it justify their actions? No, of course not. In the end, they're still being rather ignorant or stupid. But how are we any different if we do not seek to understand as well? It's easy accusing people of being ignorant, idiotic, insensitive or irresponsible. But is it any more different that what we do in life as well?

Reflect on that.

The last thing I wanna add is simply, in relation to what the author speculates on the successors of Bush's presidency, on whether the next president will continue the policy or reverse it. I just find it peculiar that he mentioned Hillary Clinton for one, but there was no mention of Barack Obama (the book was written/published around 2006 or so). Anyways we do know today Barack Obama will not be continuing Bush's policy. I'm sure some die hard Bush Policy supporters will be ticked at that, but I didn't expect to see a video on youtube where an African American pastor was criticizing Obama harshly, and comparing and making similiarities between Obama with Adolf Hitler!

Now, those who know me will know I have no huge negative views on Hitler, as I do not see him as evil, a monster, or the most infamous tyrant ever. We all know history is written by the winners and many past glorified 'heroes' are butchers and tyrants themselves. But of course the pastor is referring to the image of Hitler, the most evil person ever, and that is what he is comparing Barack Obama with.

Sigh.... These Americans...

Mel Likes To Do Chicks

2009-04-06T09:07:00.005+08:00

My good buddy MewMew, did this for my birthday, and I think this is one of the best things ever to pop up on my 27th birthday. Hahaha~!

(image is of course from Mel's blog)

Huhuhu redheads and brunnettes, my favourites :P *drools*
(and for that I'll excuse the 72 thing :P)

Thanks MewMew!

A Love Story

2009-04-06T08:35:00.005+08:00

In honor of my birthday yesterday, I will post this 'true' story.

I have been with her for over 3 months. Yes, it is not that long a time, but our time together felt like a lifetime. In that period of time, we have been through thick and thin; through all sorts of things and still survive.

I wished I could begin the tale with "It was love at first sight". But it wasn't. There were other ladies that vied for my attention initially. I couldn't really decide at first. It's not that she wasn't pretty or anything; on the contrary, she was beautiful. But so were a few others, and that among other reasons was why I passed her by at first.

Oh, the folly of me, how could I have ever passed such an exquisite one as she is at first? I was blind. I was blind. But I guess fate has a way with things, and if you were meant to be together, then you will be eventually.

She finally came to me sometime around new year's day. Given that I wanted to move on with it all and that my other ventures haven't been ultimately successful, she seemed like the big break I needed. So we got together, and we went out together. And in our first time together, I learnt just how magnificent she is. She was for the most part, everything I could ever hope for. She was as powerful a lady as she is beautiful and graceful, despite that her features lacked the curves. (I liked powerful AND beautiful ladies...)

I could say I poured a fortune on her afterwards. I strove to give her the best I can afford. Every bit of my earnings felt worthwhile to lavish upon her. And for every treat, she will return to prove that she was well worth it. She seemed unwavering.

And we would trek the lonely nights together many a time, in which I find the company of others truly lacking compared to her presence. Being with her reassures me more than any I've ever had with in the past. She was like the constant among the uncertainties of the universe.

There were times I thought we wouldn't make it. There were times I thought it was over, and I would lose her. But she proved me wrong. She stayed with me still, and through those most challenging of obstacles, we came through it, together. And each time we emerge from such trials, I loved her even more. She was the one girl that never failed me.

Eventually, she was introduced to a close friend of mine, and as we went out together, even he was given a glimpse at the magnificence that she is. The strength of her being was inspiring, and matched by her beauty, it was simply awesome.

It is true then, as my friend had said, among all the girls I have with me, she was the prime. She was the foremost. She was my First Lady.

She was my Cossette.

A sleek, beautiful and powerful "Maelstrom" class Minmatar Battleship

.... Damn, EVE Online rocks! Woot!

The Things I once wanted... and want now.

2009-04-01T08:46:00.004+08:00

Strange that such thoughts were to come on April's Fool day of all the days.

I want Empires: Total War. I want that game. It is THE game for me, so far as I can tell based on the reviews, of which many are mention good things about it. Sadly, I've looked for it recently and it was sold out. Strange that an original game sold out so quickly but I am guessing it must be a good sign in a way because of the reception. The game itself would cost around RM170-180.

I want a new PC. Or rather an upgrade to my current PC. Kat, as I call her, has been sweet these few years but she's showing signs of obsolesence. What she needs is a new processor, a Core i7 which I am hoping is higher than Naz's (I'm still into clock speeds, even though in the advent of multicore processors those aren't the highlight that much anymore) and of course with that, a new motherboard and RAM. Existing components are either good enough or still superb. The estimated cost would be somewhere above RM2,000.

I want a place of my own some day. I'm getting tired of all the hackling and noise I get about keeping the house in order and keeping my stuff in my own place and such. Simply put, with the fact that I have to share rooms and all, the smallest room next to the study, there simply isn't much space. And I hate to keep clean and tidy simply on the whims of someone elses mood. A place of my own, that's cost in hundreds of thousands of bucks.

And oh, yes. I'd like to make a movie of my stories. Now that will simply take MILLIONS!

In fact, the only thing that seems to be affordable enough that I would want these days are books. Novels. Warhammer 40,000 preferably. Most range simple from RM30+ to 60+.

I'm saying all these because I was reminiscing a past, some two decades ago, when the simplest of things, and not necessarily the most costly, would've made me happy enough already. I remember my uncle getting me a small truck toy, and it was the best thing I had in the world then. I remember wanting nothing more than simple strolls in Penang town with my grandparents, riding on trishaws and not some posh automobile. I remember being excited enough to even have those simple free rubber/plastic toys that comes with some local boxed chocolates and the like (I think some people would know these DinDangs and Toras :P). I reckon them to be no more than a buck or so.

Not the least, I recall having fun with relatives and cousins, oblivious to all else in the world.

The most expensive thing I wanted then in fact, was a LEGO boat. The one that can float on water. That was 100+ bucks or so. And I never got it.

These days, these same relatives would concern over financial welfare, responsibilities, on whether we have finished studying, or have gotten a job or will be getting married and all that. So much is on their mind. On our mind. All these things that involve big money, and focusing more on the fact that whether we can or cannot earn such money.

Perhaps I could say that we lost innocence.

The Question I am asking is this: Do we knowingly leave those innocence we once had, secure in the knowledge that such things cannot survive the world, or do we truly thing our later aims and desires are much more fitting and of value than those that had cheered us in the past?

Movie Moments

2009-03-28T13:08:00.003+08:00

I have to say this to a number of the closest (and thus supposedly, dearest) of my friends...

Watchmen. The movie, Watchmen.

WTF??? ALMOST ALL OF YOU WENT TO WATCH IT AND NEVER ASKED ME ALONG??? WELL SCREW THAT~!!! I DON'T NEED YOU GUYS AROUND ANYMORE... EVER!!!

Hahaha, just kidding. Mind you I am boggled why this of all movies, none of you asked me along and just went around without a thought, but then hey, it happens, and not everyone is enlightened enough to know the importance of ME in the universe.... hehehehehe...

Anyways, some thoughts and memories of movies

1. Favourite line in movies:

Meet Joe Black
Near the end of the movie, as the Joe (Brad Pitt) and Bill (Anthony Hopkins) are about to leave, and the look back, Bill Parrish said: It's hard to let go isnt it? Well what can I tell you, that's life."

2. Inspiring Battle Scene

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The battle of Pellenor Fields, the Rohirrim arrives at the outskirts of Minas Tirith.

Theoden, King (played by Bernard Hill): Arise. Arise, Riders of Théoden. Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered. A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises. Ride now... Ride now... Ride. Ride for ruin and the world's ending! Death! Death! DEATH~! Forth Eorlingas!

The theme of Rohan plays, and it is a tune that reflects the majesty but also the vulnerability of Rohan, as the thousands of Rohirrim charges head on towards the Mordor host.

3. Inspiring Moment that made me not care much about its Pro-American Propaganda.

Armageddon
Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) says goodbye to his daughter, nukes the Asteroid. it splits and misses Earth. People all over the world cheers, third world countries and Super Powers alike. Children run joyously in the streets in makeshift space shuttle toys and such.

I forgot how much pro-American it was, as all I felt was the sheer thrill of the triumph of humanity over colossal odds.

4. Most Memorable OST

Last of the Mohicans

I never really was into Daniel Day Lewis, no matter how serious an actor he is. I never really liked seeing Imperial England got beaten; I am obsessed with Redcoats.

But from 1993 (it was released in 1992, but I watched it in 1993 via VHS) till today, the theme song for the movie rings ever constantly every now and then in my head, and it never fails to strike a deep chord within me. More than all the rock singing songs, trendy pop or rap music, I feel such themes, instrumental and all, touches ones being greater than the contemporaries.

5. First Time Ever Felt like Crying after Seeing a Scene

Con Air
Ending; Poe (Nicholas Cage) picks up the sullied bunny soft toy from being washed into the drain. He meets his wife and the daughter he never met. He offers his daughter the bunny, which she initially recoils before her mother encourages her to accept. A small exchange of words, and they huy as the music, How do I live? by Trisha Yearwood plays.

I don't know why but that really touches me deeply. To date, I've never been a family person.

6. Funny Line I just can't forget

Stardust
Yvaine (played by Claire Danes) : Yeah, this where it fell. It is, or if you want to be really specific, up there is where this weird bloody necklace came out of nowhere and knocked it out of the heavens where it was minding its own business. And over there is where it landed. And right here, *this* is where it got hit by a magical flying MORON!

I so love that magical flying moron bit.

7. Poetry in Movies

Equilibrium
Spoken by Partridge (Sean Bean) as he was caught reading illegal sense materials by Preston (Christian Bale): But I being poor have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

This is actually from a poem written by William Butler Yeats, an early 20th century Irish poet. If I am not mistaken the poems title is "He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven"

Self Justification

2009-03-19T13:52:00.004+08:00

I haven't been busy but aside from some awesome gaming moments, even squeezing them between work days and all, there's been nothing much to note, so I don't have much else to write till now.

I may not be the most observent of persons, but I do tend to ponder a lot on the things I encounter in life, at least at some time or other. I find it curiously intriguing at how some people justify themselves in certain things in order to portray themselves in good light. Or maybe, I should rephrase that to "in an imagined good light".

Have you ever met or heard of someone who goes around and points to how ridiculous others are for indulging certain things? For an example, the person finds someone being rather deeply technical on a matter and decided to say that the technical one is rather sad, silly, ridiculous, or that the action is wrong, unnecessary, excessive, geeky, over indulgent and the like. Or the fact that if I were to read a book and I was critical about its language. As an example, of course. I wonder since when has it been anyone's right to say when or what we can or cannot focus on, or whether or not we can state on the said matters.

These people are trying to justify themselves of course, trying to persuade themselves and/or any chaps who happen to encounter them... just how "in the right" they are. There are many reasons being spewed out from these people, from it being their rights to be bitches, or to how socially/ethically wrong the others are for doing what they consider a form of inproper action. I don't think I should blame people if they need or feel the need to justify themselves. But I do find it funny upon hearing the lame reasons they give. Forgive me, I didn't mean to taint that word; Reason. I meant to say... excuses.

Personally I have to admit, I enjoy arguments, especially healthy, inspiring, intelligent arguments. I think I can accept and respect the person more if they come up with facts, solid examples and and fight me off with such intelligence that I will be left speechless at the end. At best, I would feel enlightened by such people. At worst, I will feel slightly embarassed to be solidly proven wrong. But to argue with someone who comes up with "It's my right to be a bitch" or "You're being silly because you take it too seriously" or such, it just astounds me to see how they can figure themselves as modern, enlightened, educated, intelligent, independent, creative or otherwise.

And then, there's those who seek to argue not by mere solidity of your facts, but how your speech, narrative, or thoughts have contradict or faltered. OH I'm sure you know, those people who go on saying "Eh dulu cakap lain" (Translated from malay: "Last time you said something else"). Look I know sometimes we state out principles and such but later on we might step over those very words. But I don't think that defines hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is more on the lack of belief, switching your stance whenever it suits you most. But that aside, if you truly believe in something, I don't see any wrong in having a change of mind. It's not hyprocrisy if you really believe it I think. It's only so when you change as a matter of greed or being sneeky. Or just out of popular sentiment. I don't know. I am just recalling the few collegues I have here who because working life can be a bit hectic, they simple say "Oh, I quit gaming already coz' I'm busy with work" For me that's hypocrisy, not because of them leaving gaming, but because they haven't really tried for it, and you'll know it coz you will still find them doing other things beside work. Shopping. Doing art. Dating. Whatever. Point is they have time, but they refuse to admit the complete truth of it.

The sad thing is that this is exactly my point in my past posting, "Words" in point number 7 about being open minded. These people can be... delusional, I suppose the word is, in their belief in their own infallibility. Open minded, admitting personal flaws, preaching for simple approaches to life, these are the new trends people want to use to impress others these days, I might add. They self proclaim these virtues out loud so as to be labelled the good guy. Do not mistake my meaning though, those are all very good virtues which we should try to aspire for, but we are not in posession of them merely because we proclaim it so.

Additionally, I think its worth stating one more thing partially related to all this; about criticism and reactions to it. By all means, should you choose to accept or reject a criticsm, that's between you and your conscience. But your outward reaction to it can have quite the jarring effect on me sometimes. One should not act smug at being criticized by either downplaying the person who criticize you, (the age old argument of "Who are YOU to criticize me??) or by downplaying the act of such criticism (I think Malays would some times say something like "Alah, benda kecik-kecik macam tu pun nak berkira/ translated: even such small matters you want to be critical about..). I'm saying these because for the former, just because one has a better history or track record than someone else does not mean they are beneath you to even say anything bad about you and yours. As for the latter, I have to state something I pointed out in a past (friendly) argument with a friend of mine. Small things matter. In the simplest of elaborations, big things are made of small things, and the overall quality of a big thing is determined by the essence that makes it; small things are like the DNA needed to make big things.

Hmm. I think there are times I should heed my own words. In my profession for example, its obvious I have lots to learn, but being reasonably good, sometimes, at my job, I can find it quite annoying to have my flaws pointed out. OH well... I suppose we should all advise each other and learn together then.

Monsters vs Aliens vs PC upgrade vs Warhammer

2009-03-10T16:48:00.005+08:00

It was a long weekend for us in Malaysia, because of Monday being a holiday; The Prophet's birthday. It certainly was a most activity filled weekend for me.

1. Core i7 mania

Saturday was PC buying day. Not for myself of course but I helped and advised on a PC specs for my friend's new computer and it is without doubt the first Core i7 PC I have ever seen. Awesome. Next I need one for myself. But we have in a way imposed a restriction on ourselves with our current OS (operating system). It is said that most of us use 32-bit OS, which means we can't have a total RAM of 4GB or higher. I'm not sure if that is the exact thing, but I do recall my own failure to use 4GB RAMs on my 32bit Vista system to have among other things, that particular thing listed as one of the causes for the problem.

So top of my PC item list will be a Core i7 Processor, Motherboard, triple channel RAMs and if it's beyond 4GB or so, a new 64-bit OS.

2. Fighting for the Imperium of Man

Dawn of War II rocks. I had my doubts when I saw they really downsized the combat scale, but I'm happy enough that despite that much regretable choice by the designers, the gameplay is still awesome. And it didn't feel as much as the button tapping orchestra I saw typical in Warcraft 3.

True enough, the slightly larger scale and all makes multiplayer somewhat more to my liking than the single player campaign, which in its own right is thoroughly enjoyable. Orks are very colorful enough, in manner as well as some physical traits, Eldar seems cooler than previously, and Space Marines are more awesome. I only regret the lack of Imperial Guards and the minimal vehicular combat.

And yes, Tyranids, scary things those critters are.

For the record, I bought a special edition original copy of Dawn of War II which includes bonus content and a free DoW II T-shirt.

3. MONSTERS VS ALIENS~!

Dig this.

Yeah I bought that. The Art of DreamWork's Monsters vs. Aliens. Don't let the cheesy title fool you. Based on what I see in the book this is quite the quality production.

Yeah, yeah I know, the chick is the central character and she's hot, for a cartoon. I like, true enough but that's not the sole reason for advocating this. The amount of design work and studies poured into this production is very inspiring and the style and architecture of locales, props etc are very nicely done. I so love the attention to detail of the military vehicles and the San Francisco locale, including the Golden Gate Bridge.

And yes, the chick is hot.

Finally, I think, chick characters are getting a central role. Even in writings like the Hero's Journey, female characters are typical as support figures to a central male figure. Look, I'm not into the who feminist thing, I hate female supremacy anyways. But I do not find subservient women attractive either. For a female character to take the lead (as I always make it so for my single player Role Playing PC Games...:P) is something of an inspired choice. I find the market being saturated by heroic alpha male types really do need this change of focus.

Don't Blame Me If I Get a Pirated Copy

2009-03-05T13:43:00.006+08:00

March was suppose to be glorious for me. Empire Total War is out, a game that seemed to have been made specifically for me. I mean, huge battles, empire building, naval combat in the age of sail, BRITISH REDCOATS! Those are MY elements of interest.

Sadly, I am worried now, simply by reading one simple cold hard fact based on the user reviews and official forums posting.

Empire Total War requires Steam to play. Even if you bought a boxed copy instead of downloading it through steam, you still need to connect to Steam to activate it. Even worse than that is that you will need to connect to and update Steam everytime you play the game, even for single player only. If you want to play offline, there is an option where you can play without needing to connect to Steam but that requires further registration for some Steam Offline thingamajig.

I never used Steam, but not because I have anything personal against it. I am not hating or angry at Steam, as many of those who are dissapointed by this fact is saying. Steam may or may not be a crappy service, I don't know. What I am angry at is the principle being advocated by the people who made it, Creative Assembly and/or SEGA.

Imagine this:

If you wanted to eat a Big Mac, you can either go to a McDonalds restaurant or have them deliver it to you. THAT is in fact a matter of YOUR own choice. But assume that we don't want to associate with the hassles of a delivery boy, we'd rather just go to McD's and get the burger ourselves... directly.

Given that scenario what would you say if you were forced to deal with the delivery boy still, even though you went miles and miles on your own to get the Big Mac? Of course any of us would rather just pay up, get the burger and eat. Why the hell do we need to confirm our purchase with the damn delivery boy still?

It's not wrong to have alternate methods of delivering a product and all, but you have to understand that some people like the new high tech gizmo of all Online and stuff, but quite a number still prefer paying real cash and getting a solid tangible product so as to avoid all the Online related stuff that, for whatever reason that is our own god given right, we sooo despise. Call as backward, or old fashioned or whatever but some people find all the online or wireless thing still prone for too many complications. We want it easy and direct.

I get the anti piracy thing. I've started to support original softwares a lot since I am earning a stable income. I felt it was time I paid my due to an industry I so love, but this whole mess makes one feel betrayed. It's the principle, really.

It's the god damned principle of it all.

I bought another game sometime back, I blogged about the game even. I have no pretensions that the game can match the sheer effort and polish of games like Empire Total War. But I had only to register the game once online, and then free to play it as i see fit. In fact, I once uninstalled it and reinstalled it again, and found it seemingly pleasing that it automatically redeems the registration key for me to use it again when I re-install the game. That for a fact, is a harsh blow to some EA-DRM related copy protection issue that limits the number of time you can reinstall a game.

Anyhow, what is good about that is that the activation is done directly with the creators, and ONCE only. I did not need to download or install a BLOODY Steam software, nor do I have to keep activating via steam even for a gameplay that doesn't require bloody online connection, nor do I need to immerse myself in further hassle of a specific offline variant of activation and stuff.

Developers, publishers, they don't understand, or choose not to bother, or so it seems. It's not really anything personal or whatever towards a certain group, but when we pay good, hard earned money for something, we want that thing free for our own use at our own discretion, and in our own privacy without the need to associate with anyone else.

Like buying a book, I should be free to read it whenever, wherever I please, or as many times as I like, without needing anyone elses permission. I paid for it, and so long as I don't make copies of it for sale, I should be allowed to do whatever I want with it; make it into a shrine or use it as toilet paper or anything in between.

It reminds me of the idiots who are persecuting the "war on terror". Their method of "combating" the enemy is in fact driving more people to enemy's side.

Writing Stories

2009-03-04T14:56:00.003+08:00

We are mystified by high stories and enchanting tales. Be it written in text, pictorial, animation or film, stories move us in a way some of us cannot fathom. Many aspire to be storytellers for the sake of telling others their stories, and through that, sharing our views, ideas and experiences. I gave lots of thoughts and countless hours of serious study towards the creation of stories. I am not claiming to be a superb writer or such; nor am I being simply modest by denying, but I can if needs be state the facts that there are much more things in storytelling that I need to learn, practice and understand.

When writing a story, I think a number of us worry about the quality of our chosen language. Is the sentence sophisticated enough, or flowery enough, or poetic enough? Perhaps because some good novels, songs and poems are described as beautifully written, we tend to think that good story writing is likened to writing each sentence in it as shakespearean poetry. Similiarly, we tend to look at "good" movies by defining the technological aspects and achievement as definition of a good story. More so than writing perhaps, because special effects and visual mastery can easily dazzle the senses towards great heights.

What are we doing?

We are defining the beauty of a structure based on the quality of the individual bricks in it. We are glorying a painting by the quality of its paint's materials.

Do not mistake me for thinking that my belief is that those things are inconsequential. They are. But not to a point that they define the very existence of the work. It's easier to appreciate a drawing or painting or sculpture as a whole, than doing the same for a narrative, story, comic book, graphic novel, animation or film. But both are art forms, and we should learn to appreciate the latter group as we do the former; for what it stands for, the meaning and purpose behind it and its overall beauty.

A film is not good simply because it has the lastest Special effects. An animation is not good because it has cutting edge 3D. Nor is a video game that way because of the high end graphics engine.

And if it's not technical aspects, its certain themes that a story wants to portray. I'm talking for example about how many locals can go overwhelmingly supportive of anything that has local inspired contents, or how many women can be so roused up be a film with strong feminist sentiments and triumphs over men, or die hard war-buffs who howl with glee over movies with noble warriors and bloody warfare included. In my case, my constant worry is that my overwhelming joy of sci-fi alien races and spaceships would overwhelm the fundamentals of a good story if I were to write one. This is just wrong.

The best stories I think should be universally inclined.

In writing, we should not think the ability to know and comprehend more words within a dictionary and the ability to write flowery, poetic phrases as the hallmark of good story writing. A good story, almost always, is defined by the journey of the protagonist(s) in which the audience can relate to and enjoy, as well as the message than touches within all those who read the story.

Many of us either know of, or have actually read the Hero's Journey. If not, there's some useful insights at this link: http://www.mythichero.com/

Upon reading that, or if you already know of the contents, you'll realize that the good tales revolve not around effects or content materials we want to advertise/portray, but rather the story of how a character matures. How the character changes, evolves, and develop over the course of the story. Nobody will find it exhilirating if the hero from the very start is already as powerful or more powerful than the villain. Nobody also, would find it very interesting if the character remains static till the end of the tale. And no amount of FX, unique content, or flowery language can fix that.

Additionally, storytellers cannot be self-centered people. I say that because storytellers need to be people who share their tales and experiences. They cannot be those who wish to promote only the things they like, nor wish to enforce things to the audience. The acceptance and pleasing of the audience is the foremost objective in storytelling.

Forget that you think the world is a bleak place and wish to show the folly of the human race too much. Forget that you think adding a zillion unique fairy tale-like creatures to be a fun thing. Forget that you think only an overwhelmingly complex backstory is the groundwork of a good tale.

Inspire the Audience. Reach out for them. I mean, I'm sorry if some of the things you personally prefer or profess isn't to their liking, because those of the audience want be inspired, want to see hope, and want to see a purpose to existence beyond this drudgery life we have. We want to see that there is something better in life, or a semblence of hope for something better. We do not want to be told of how bad life will be, or how inevitable our demise is (even if it is true, in logical circumstances), or how only a narrow view conceived by one or a few person to be the ultimate utopia. (And I apologize off hand because while writing that last bit, feminists comes to mind....but to be fair, it's not just you actually).

So, to close off, tell me a story. Lift me up from my meagre existence. Entertain me. Show me hope. Make me believe. Keep me interested. But above all, make sure we are all inspired.

Animator on Animation, Part II: First Local 3D Animated Movie

2009-02-27T08:58:00.008+08:00

The previous of the "animation" post had a number of mixed responses, good or ill, thatI find very fascinating, even to the point that I had no idea initially how some of them even knew of my little abode here. Anyhow, previously as I have mentioned, it was in general and nothing explicitly specific. This time round, my focus has more focus on something more specific.

For the Malaysian Animation industry, we have just recently hit a momentous moment in our history with the release of our first ever 3D Animated feature, "Geng: Pengembaraan Bermula" by Les Copaque Productions Sdn Bhd.

My position here is to be objective, and to be fair to the many praises heaped upon the production, the rounds of laughs and applauses in the cinema is evident enough of the overall material that this film is. I believe that no matter the comments and discussions, even if some of such were my own, if you captivate your audience well enough, then you've done it.

Hurrah! Victory!

After all, for what purpose do we make these stories and tales if not for the pleasure of our audiences? With that in mind, on the overall basis I would agree "Geng" as a definitive good start in the history of the Malaysian animated features. I would not go to the lengths of saying I am a harsh critic of these things, but typically I have specifics I in my tastes and on the whole I enjoyed the movie well enough. Which is rare for a local production because as most of those closest to me knows I don't have much liking for local works. I tend to put all productions, local and international, to more or less a similiar bar.

Every work has things we personally disagree or have reservations about, and these sometimes are the results of complications along the working pipeline and all; I would know because I had to struggle through some of them myself. Geng is no different. There are a few things I disagree, creative calls or design aspects or storyline/storytelling aspects and a few things I think could be pushed further, like the animation, audio, certain dialogues (though I think quite a number of these dialogues are good enough). These are no brainers I would think and given time, patience and the willingness to review upon feedbacks and experience, I am sure it would be ratified.

I'm not going to list all grievances because then I'd have to elaborate them all, and I would end up not finishing my own work here at the studio. But I will put two at the very least.

1. Audio. Some scenes have a chaotic sense in its number of audio elements, each vying for prominence. I know sometimes a scene have to give a sense of chaotic commotion going on but it shouldn't be to the point of making some get headaches trying to make out the sound. I do know however, from working as an editor for some 7 months or so of which I was under the 'mentorship' of an experience senior editor, that audio is much much much harder to manage that many would think. I'm still not so good at adjusting those aspects myself, but I do know enough now to appreciate and respect its complexities.
2. Minor animation flaws. Some character walks seems sliding. Some character actions does not feel the emphasis of weight to it. And as a collegue pointed out to me, he'd prefer more and stronger expressions from the characters. These are fortunately not that numerous or distinctly noticable enough to affect the overall feel of the film. And before anybody points out, I have received similiar comments on my own works as well. Oh well, we are all in the same boat perhaps :P

I would lastly, like to point out on one thing in particular. Actions scenes. They're quite good. Well, maybe not Hollywood-Good, but for me they were among the best things about the movie. Nice shots and compositions, as well as cool actions. It works and that's all that matters, nevermind that it cant go more over-the-top Hollywood like. I applaud on that matter as well as the whole "almost King Kong-like Fight" between the mother-creature and the giant snake. Truly, I thought many local film makers would be too timid or incapable of making such action/violence, even though in a cartoony manner. Geng did it, and I respect that.

I end my thoughts on this by saying that though being well aware of the lesser and more limited resources available to the fellow artists of Les Copaque compared to the productions of many international studios, we should always place our labor upon the same altar as theirs, and know that in doing so we achieve two most noble things; humility, as well the drive to be better in the future, for we can not, and should not, use the limitations of local resources as a constant justification for shortcomings.

Geng: Pengembaraan Bermula by Les Copaque has made the first step for our local industry. Will we go on to take the next steps?

--* What ever happened to the pimped out motorcycle that lost one sideview mirror during the 'racing scenes'? --

On Tracing Papers and the Philosophies of an Artist.

2009-02-19T20:43:00.005+08:00

I have a new craze. Well... sort of a craze. Uhm.. actually it's more of a new way of doing things. It's called.... TRACING PAPER!!

I am typically a messy person by nature, and many of my initial drawings are a jumbled up pile of unorganized line strokes. Few of such mess were ever cleaned up and proper line drawn over the sketchy messy ones. As such I leave trails of...doodles. Enter the tracing paper!

With tracing paper it gets easier as I am basically drawing over on a new paper. Sure it still smudges, its an annoying and constant by product of mine, can't help it, but at least the lines are clear enough. That's an Imperial Procyon Assault Trooper concept.

Ok, got that out of my system. But now to share some thoughts I have today.

1. Talent is in regards to learn; and not to do

Anyways, in regards to the above mentioned thing on tracing paper... The idea initially is that I hate to do certain things, and I find ways to make it work, for my preference.

A dear friend of mine asked if me if I thought that she had talent in certain things. I told her yes, she does. (so much that I'd probably hate her for it :P ) But at the same time, I told her I never actually seen her doing said stuff. So how does it go by that I say she is talented? Because I was certain of her base skills that would greatly help in overcoming the learning curve of the new trade. That for me, in a way, is talent. I personally think that come what may, her current skills will enable her to find ways to solve related problems in her own way.

Nobody is born with all skills and knowledge, so I thus think talent is more related with the ability to learn a skill rather than do a skill.

2. Doing things we do not like

Another is that I advocated for doing things that we normally.... do not like.

Many among us artists do only the things we like, and post up only stuff we enjoy. I think versatility counts in this game, and one never knows when such things we hate to do can help contribute to the things we like. I know for a fact I hated doing backgrounds initially, and still do for some parts today. But I recall that my study into architecture and designs and all that helped to better my understanding and expand my ideas on doing characters and starships; my premium choice of things to draw.

We want to be artists after all, not printing machines that churn out the same thing over and over.

3. Being humans and not Gods

Nevertheless, we are still human and we must understand the limits for all of us. You see, I had this collaborative effort in storytelling I am working on, and I have provided some illustrations for it, but upon seeing what other people can do with their personal pet project, I grow very envious. 'THEY CAN DO THAT???,' I would think to myself.

But fortunately a friend told me that I can't expect to do everything for myself, and eventually we will need others to help fill out the things we cannot do for ourselves. That's why we need friends. And I am fortunate, nay... blessed... to actually have a few friends I can truly count on.

4. The cowardice or bravery of letting go.

I read an interesting entry today which is titled on "Quitting". We all heard the phrases and lines about winners never quit and such, but equally we have probably heard somewhere that letting go is often the hardest thing.

I thought on that a bit.

When I was in Inspidea, there was a lot of work, and for over a year I endured, but the work kept increasing. My constant thoughts were of quitting the job. I wanted a job that had more time for myself, true, but the emphasis here was more onto the fact that I hated all this heavy amount of work I had to do. I thought it often but I never quit. I chose not to because I felt a nagging guilt if I would do so.

End of April 2008, I sent my resignation letter, and three months later I was out. I quit! But I was excited, and felt not that much guilt. Why? Because I didn't quit out of hate or spite or escape. I quit because I want to se new horizons. Because I want to learn and experience different kind of things in life. I chose to quit because of the possibility of a bright future, and not because the conditions of a grim present.

Quitting in itself is neutral. Why you do it, now that's the real question.

5. Go for Passion

Do what you like best.

I know I said earlier to do things you don't like, so as to achieve versatility. But it is equally important to do the things you enoy most as well. To keep the spirits up I would say. And sometimes it helps to alternate between the things you like. too much of one thing is tediously boring.

I did 5 concepts of starship designs out of the required 6 for a personal project I mentioned before. By the end of the 5th, I felt drained, despite starships being one of two things I liked to draw the most.

So after that, I spent some time doing the other thing I like most. Which is... this...

I'll just call her Claire. And she likes to handle sticks....

(inside joke- hmm sticks. reminds me of a joke I shared with this one friend.... it went something like... stick it in there or something, she said.. in referring to a bunch of straws for her McD drinks of coz :P)

6. Hug

Everyone likes to be hugged. I have yet to see a person who says he/she absolutely despise hugging. Well, actually that's what I read in a book. It does gives this really good warm fuzzy feeling that somehow can rejuvenates you and makes you feel good about yourself.

Okay, I know... it's a little off topic but....

...as I always exchange this between my best buddy....

...HUGGY BUGGY!

Thirteen to Fourteen

2009-02-14T22:01:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was Friday the 13th.

It's supposed to be bad luck or cursed or along those lines.

Yesterday, I went to work as usual. The pretty, nerdy chick was at the bus stop, this time, for the first time since I ever saw her, wearing a skirt. Pretty. Her legs too.

Yesterday, I managed to complete a drawing, and some trial color schemes on the drawn character as well. I have't drawn a character in months, let alone color. It was a chick character at that, my second preference for my otherwise limited talents; the other being starships. It was in a way an accomplishments.

Yesterday, instead of routinely going home, I stayed around a bit after work, chatted and enjoyed the company of friends for a while. I haven't indulged in such things for months as well, and it felt good just sitting, eating, drinking and exchanging tales. It was a glimpse into the old life, I would say. Which was always... great.

Yesterday as I sit down in the train on the way home, a MAS stewardess set on the seat next to mine. Again a first. I must be doing something right. Hahahaha....

Today is February 14th.

It is Valentines Day, a day some look forward for things like love, cuddling, intimacy, caring. And perhaps.... sex. Can't forget the sex. It is also the dreaded day for some, most especially a number of lonely singles. Perhaps like myself.

Today the line is slow. Internet line that is, and so I had to hog the line for a dreadfully long time just to finish a download that isn't even mine. The result of that was I could not play EVE for the day. Can't play an online game when the line is slow as well as being dedicated for downloads. It's boring as hell with no games to play, as I have finished most of the ones I have. I need something fresh. Preferably one with good story and the availability of a hot chick in it. Or one of epic battles and great empires instead of a frantic click-fest skirmish level strategy game. Or one with ships, big ships and big guns. EVE being the sole one that I can rely to, having a line that cannot accomodate is frustrating.

Today I tried calling a few people. You know, to either go out or call favors or ask for some means of entertainment. I called and I called. Nobody answered. What the f***??? Nevermind, they'll call me back once they're not busy. HECK! They didn't call me back!! So I guess I just have to rot the whole day.

Today, I still feel a little weary with a touch of sickness that is not 100% gone yet. But most of all I feel... hungry. No matter, weekend, family can always get us all food..... Or not. Everybody seemed to have their meals covered and nobody cared to even ask me if I had anything to eat. This is family? I am tired. Lack of food. Few slices of bread and a maggie just don't cut it. I had better meals with people who barely care about me, and this is family?

Today, therefore, I feel annoyed at family. One of us is a full time housewife in a way. Used to dislike being berated by my late mother about house chores and such, this one is now exactly that, especially against me, the lover or freedom, messiness, free will, and maybe, liberalness. Another claims to like neatness. Truth is is more likely the preference is to what he feels at the time. Lacking the will to clean stuff and constantly keep things that way is one proof of otherwise, and the fact that the 'neat' urges always relate to those of personal choice only reflects the hypocrisy of the claim. Lastly, one more, has the compulsive need to be self centered, always seeking attention of one other of us, and most especially, has a fanatical obsession with faggoty, gay looking anime guys. I hate those kind of characters.

Today, I just rot.

Funny how these events turn up. It probably is a sign of either the devil favoring me or I have my fates lined up along the path of EVIL!

After all, I have an admiration for Hitler.

Words

2009-02-11T09:04:00.004+08:00

It's getting thick with political matters these days. A friend of mine has written several posts already about the Malaysian Political scene... and he isn't even in the country at the moment. News on the horrors of the middle east has once again been drowned out by headlines on the political going-ons in the country. Just minutes ago, I read a headline about Karpal Singh wanting to sue the Sultan or such.

It's starting to sound like the familiar music we all might have known. Political turmoil, such a mess.

In relations to the theme I noticed and have read from my friend's blog as well, the few words that are so favored and so commonly used, but whether it rings true still, or just another cliche is for each of us to decide of course.

Funny words there are these days. It's not just the political scene sometimes. Other places, daily life, they have it too.

Some of these words or terms are used in international matters, others local, and some are those choice words I hear at my work place.

1. Freedom. I've been here before, so most will know what it means. Or what it's suppose to mean anyways. Nowadays it feels more like "What Americans and their allies wants you to be." Similiarly, democracy is not a system of government where people can vote for the leaders and representatives. It is a form of government that is friendly and compliant with the Americans and their allies. Yes, that's the example I'm seeing.

2. Corruption. Supposedly implying a tainted or misused element within a system. To fight corruption is to make it pure again. Or so we would have it believed. I think it's more like changing who gets the gains from the said corruption. Or "who" would be in place to abuse the system. Yeah! They were stealing money from the treasury! Now that I got rid of them, I stopped corruption. So how much money in the treasury can I take before someone notices?

3. Equality. Equal rights, being fair. No, that's not right. If you look at those who wants "equality" its more of a question of "I want what you have, but I don't want the baggage that comes with it". Ever seen women who complained about wanting the things men get, but never wanting to be treated like shit the way men get? That's one thing. It's simply they having good things for themselves, and now they want our good things too. That's the new equality. Isn't it fair now?

4. Racist. Is it about just simply acknowledging racial issues. Or about treating races in particular a bad way? I think it's the latter. It should be the latter. My logic side of the brain is saying so. But people seem to make it like the former. Which is it? Oh screw that. I *am* a racist. Even to my own race. Take it anyway you want it.

5. Overtime. It's not about working the extra few hours to catch up on schedule, while receiving due overtime pay. That's the past definition. Where have you been? This is the 21st century! Overtime is working your ass off without going home for not a single extra cent! Yeah! That's right... Make the compnay rich! Who cares about you? Nobody cares about, so why'd you have to care about you?

6. Drama; meaning specific mode of fiction represented in performance. The term comes from a Greek word meaning "action" which is derived from "to do". Well, that's Ancient Greek. Modern era Malaysia seems to have drama mean either annoying "makcik" stories with eventual screaming in it, or annoying "boy and girl/man and woman in love" stories with eventual screaming in it, or a mix of such. You'd have to be a sop to admit you like drama. I thought I like to watch drama, but seeing that's what it takes to like drama, what category are some of the shows I watch I wonder?

7. Open minded. Hey I am open minded. Yeah, see? I'm listening to what you're saying. Go on, state your point. Yeah, that's your point, right? Of course, but you're wrong, see? No, shut up, really, you're wrong, my point is right! Your view is silly. Stop being stubborn. Be open minded a bit like me.

8. Religious. God wills it! Hah, can't help saying that line from Kingdom of Heaven. Being religious is about living as people did in the days of the Prophet. The most important thing is to live in medieval conditions, grow a beard, stop the process of thinking and kill infidels and just pray as much as you can throughout life. That seem's to be what some people want, I think. I'm still wondering about where "being kind to others" and being tolerant to people, or the idea that the mind is the greatest gift from God to mankind can fit in all that.

9. Fantasy. What is fantasy? Fantasy is Tolkienisque. Tolkienisque is fantasy. When you make a story, or game, or artwork which is fantasy, be sure to make it medieval setting with tall pointy eared elves in it, or stubby short dwarves that like to dig in the ground. Add magic and wizards and such. You have fantasy? What? You created another kind of fiction, but no elves? No dwarves? or even wizards? No, no, no. That's not fantasy. Of course you fantasized it in your head, but how can it be fantasy when theres no elves in it? Not even one of those pointy eared gay bastards??

We are so creative and innovative today. We are remodelling language. Great eh?

Journey to Maturity

2009-01-21T14:52:00.005+08:00

The world said that yesterday was a momentous day when the Presidency of the most powerful nation on Earth was finally held by an African American. With the promise of change, and with so many hopefuls and support, Barack Obama could very well be the most famous African American on Earth, eclipsing the likes of Muhammad Ali or Michael Jackson (if he still counts).

I have no direct standing towards Mr. Obama, considering he just started his term, it will be a while before we can see how he handles things. I am hoping he could deliver the promise of change, to the world especially, because whether you like America or not, you got to know that being that dominant power in the world, they can affect us all over the globe one way or the other. I would understand if his focus is to fix America first, but nevertheless, I'm sure we all want to see something positive out of his term in the office.

That said, we have loads on our hands to fix in Malaysia as well. And I hope that eventually when our leadership changes, we can get one that can affect change for the country as well, and not simply make another scheme to polarize powers into the hands of the select few.

I have not much else to say, I merely posted because I think that whilst not jumping around or screaming out loud for Obama, I do think it is a momentous event nevertheless. I think some people might think that there's no big deal about it because we're not Americans, so what if they finally have an African American as President. I personally think there are things that matter about it, if not the least the example that the whole deal provides.

I'm not saying we should immediately have a Chinese or Indian PM in Malaysia, though I would not object to that coming in the future. I only think that being from the minority, a lot of people have these precedence to do right by their race if they get into power. It's not all a bad thing, but as leader of a country, the job is to manage everyone in it fairly, and not promote those of your kin only. And I am also without a doubt that there are the people who will aspire to make everyone equally prosper, but handling multi racial issues require delicate touch of wisdom, one I think we all need to mature towards it more. I think non-whites in America have come a long way and their time has come. After all America is over 200 years old.

Malaysia is just over half a century old. I think we are still a young nation with lots of unexplored potential. But like some people I know, rushing into big things too early in our lives makes for a bad character. Somethings we have to go slow and steady and prepare a good foundation for it first before we start reaching for the stars. We should not be too eager to prove ourselves. That's why I can't agree with some of my friends who suggested the lot of us start our own production company. I don't think we're ready. I do think we can make good work, I do think we can be smart and charming enough to secure support or funding, and I do think some of us at least are commited enough to do it. But I do NOT think that some of us have the proper mindset or character to bear such a venture.

With great power comes great responsibility, some would say. I would add my twist to such a saying, with great achievements require great humility. I say that because some of those people I know who are so eager to break free from being employee to being employer are so full of themselves that, metaphorically speaking, to hand them a prize would only give them an image of self infallibility. And whats probably scary to me is that, I think if I were given thus, I would fall for that trap too.

What I am saying is that we need to mature our thoughts. Like Mr Obama's rise, the journey to get there was a long and hard one, with many hard earned wisdoms, that began long before Mr Obama himself was born. That is the kind of journey many among us need, most especially among us Malaysians.

We need to know sadness, before we can fully appreciate happiness.
We need to be poor, to appreciate wealth.

We need to be led, before we can lead.

That's all I'm saying.

And I do hope Mr Barack Obama can bring about the change he promised.

What kind of GARBAGE are you watching today?

2009-01-16T16:48:00.002+08:00

There is something... wrong...perhaps... with some of us, Malaysians.

I recently watched 2 films (one at the cinema, and the other on TV) that if memory serves, both were films that I hear that the local public dismisses as uninteresting, or boring, or to put it as we Malaysians would, "Tak best!"

A year or more ago, there came out a movie that seemed to place itself alongside the likes of Harry Potter, The Golden Compass and such other movies with features of fantasy and kids; the ingredients of what we would say as a nice family movie. I thought of watching it, but I overheard conversations between some acquaintances that the movie was not nice. I guess it may have also been a result of not having much cash or time that moment, so after hearing that rumor I listed it off my "to-watch" list.

Recently, another movie came out, and an office collegue said that I should watch it, if I like films that aren't too...normal. It was more experimental he said, but warned that when he went, he noticed that almost half the audience left before it was finished. This time around, I was determined to find out for myself, so I went and saw the movie. It was awesome. Funny and full of character. I found myself laughing and enjoying the movie till the very end, but I also noticed that whilst my friend and I were laughing at many points, many in the audience did not seem to laugh along. Either they can and choose to conceal their laughter, or they just didn't get it.

The movie was "the Spirit", an adaptation of Will Eisners graphic novel.

On Astro yesterday, or rather early morning, I stayed up late and watched TV. The Bridge to Terabithia was on, and it just started coincidentally as soon as i switched to the channel. This was the movie I had written off a year or so ago, and so I figured, since there's not much else of stuff to watch that is of my interest, I might as well sit through this one.

Bridge to Terabithia was not another Harry Potter scheme; I would say, referring to kids going through magical fantasy setups as part of real life. Others of these category are like the aforementioned Golden Compass and of course the Narnia movies. Terabithia is not something in line with those after all, so it's false to compare it to those. In the movie, the fantasy elements were all made up as simply a view into the kids' imagination. We clearly were told it wasn't real, but it did made me feel that I really was wishing it was real, despite clearly knowing otherwise.

The story was less about fantasy and more on to themes related to children and growing up, and all the life lessons that I think we as Malaysians would be well to heed. And it wasn't a happily ever after kind of tale. The twist of the story was something that really made me feel sad, so much that I dare admit there were tears. Indeed, there was death. But more than that, I think it also underlines on dealing with death, to cope with losing those dear to us.

Forgive me for talking more on Terabithia than Spirit, as much as I enjoyed the latter, the characters of Bridge to Terabithia was something more akin to my own. The protagonist is a kid, a quiet boy who loves to draw and fantasize. Some who know me well enough can see the connection. He met a girl who later became as close to him as a bestfriend, and she being an outcast too, made them a special pair. These are elements that touch my own life as well. So maybe that's why when the bad news came, I was really struck by it.

The point in the end of watching both movies however was simply... why?

I know people have different tastes and all, but if a majority can find themselves unable to appreciate what seems like an interesting art form, as if they totally don't get it, than I wonder, what kind of garbage have we fed ourselves with here, that we only want to see a certain set of things and neglect the others. Whats worse, if I dare say so, is that stuff the public here would watch are just..sometimes.. downright... rubbish.

P/s- I went to surf the net about reviews on Bridge to Terabithia, and fortunately it seems for the most part, the reviews were good.

The 51st Post

2009-01-14T09:10:00.005+08:00

According to the blog count, this should be the 51st post. Sounds kind of nice, like the 51st state, which is I think some fiction in regards to the 50 states in America or something of the like.

I'd like to share a jolly good mood for this, but something I read just now made me feel foul. As is customary, I spend several minutes of my free time reading up the thoughts of Tun Dr Mahathir on his blog. Clearly I felt he is one of sharp and keen mind, a great influence to me. Normally I'd leave the site feeling much admiration for him and inspired by his words, which is still the case.

But I see replies to his posts, and while there are many, some good and some bad, a particular few by what would seem like foreigners or Americans in particular (I think) really made me feel quite upset. I dare say it was likened to a nationalistic righteous anger, but I allowed myself to calm down and read point by point of what's been said.

It didn't work. I still feel pissed, but now because of the facts as I understand them.

1. I am to lazy to put proper quotes and acknowledgements so I'll mention the points in general. One states about the use of advanced weapons to defend against attacks, terrorist attacks and such. In other parts of it there were comments about how such measures as suggested by Dr M weakens the United States. Perhaps I might not be fully backing our former PM by saying this, but I suppose having advanced weaponry is crucial. But only because advance weaponry in itself must be designed so as to minimize, and if possible, eliminate collateral and innocents. That said, I don't think advance weaponry is a justification for any state to attack others. So the question is not about posessing them, but how we use them or who we gave them to.

2. This leads to a second point. The argument was that we, Malaysia, our people, support anti-Israel ideals and that its always an issue of Christian, Jewish and such vs Islam. I say this point is invalid, because it seems to be on the assumption that both sides are equal and we seek to tip that equality in our favored side. But consider the fact that a book I read (written by an American author I think) states that Radical Islamic groups adopted terror tactics because conventional warfare has failed, that would mean so long as the other side keeps flaunting their military power, the terrorists would continue to march on, and in even greater zeal. The one sided nature of the conflict (look at the casualty counts and you would see that there's always one side with less, the facts will tell who) fuels the terrorist movements. So as to the previous point, in a way those advanced weapons used by the west, Israelis (I loathe to use such labels but..) are indirectly the root of such terrorist tactics.

3. We hate the US. Or so it would seem to them. Except when the US is beneficial to us. Or so it would seem. Do I really need to say more on these? Well just to be clear, I don't hate the US in general but I am appalled at their ethics in many issues. I don't mind capitalism, but I hate people who would screw anyone for profits. If people hate the US it's not because of jealousy, or core principles, but because of behaviour or actions that is seemingly unfair and ethically wrong. If I feel a country is so far progressed greatly, that it's advancements and society are almost utopian, I'd rather want to move there myself, not have it destroyed. It is how we conduct ourselves with others that influence their reactions.

I don't get it. How come a lot of people can think that terrorist and the like hates the US because they hate "freedom" or "liberty"? It makes no sense. One can argue though that extremist factions that exist in some states might seem like a possible evidence, but I think, like Hitler and his NSDAP or commonly referred to as Nazis, they can only exist to counter an extreme condition that has been imposed on a people or state by the other side. If post World War I Germany hadn't been given such harsh terms, Nazism couldn't really take root.

I hate talking about or making my blog political. But somethings just annoy me so much that I have to write about it. It's my flaw and my way of venting it out.

Some people out there belittle us. They criticize our 'meagre' accomplishments, and put all sorts of heat on the flaws that we have yet to correct. The prevailing attitude seems that you can't criticize other people until you are perfect yourself. Like what I've read, it would seem that it is not our place to criticize about a state killing thousands of people or in support of such things when we can't even fix our own roads? Well, I don't think just because our roads are bad, it would also mean we are a dispicable race of people who is likened to a butcher of thousands of innocents.

Anyhow, the big news is... NOBODY'S PERFECT! So does that mean we cannot criticize? Of course not, as we have all different flaws and weaknesses, commenting each other to advising to fix that flaw should be something very much... encouraged.

If I have to be an idealist about such things, then I have to say we have to stop killing people. That said, of two sides are bent on killing each other, one side has to start first. But which one? I know! The side who uses rusted rifles and suicide bombers of course! They are the biggest threat ever! After all, they have little technology and come from back water areas of the world. What could be more dangerous than that? If you can't detect the sarcasm there, then something is wrong. It's not about muslims vs christians or others, mind you. I'm saying that coz I imagined some people out there wanting to go "oh here we go again, muslims vs christians/others".

To be serious and direct though, I think it's only fair that the technologically superior ones stop first and show positive example. After all, I think they are more capable of a defensive stance without the need to resort to "pre-emptive" strikes or offensive operations to keep as much of themselves safe as compared to the other, which with such advanced array of weapons against them, they're likely to be steamrolled over if they stop resisting.

Anyhow, 51st post. Woot.

Now... back to work.

Fighting on the Wrong Field

2009-01-09T08:42:00.002+08:00

"Wars are won in the will; perhaps you've been fighting in the wrong field"

-quote from "13th Warrior"

The biggest buzz right now is the Israeli invasion into the Gaza area, which has resulted into a sizable number of civilian casualties. There are many dissenting voices criticizing the action, and pressure on Israel to withdraw from the area is mounting.

Let's take slight look back.

They started the offensive after Hamas allegedly launched rockets into their territory, resulting in some damage and casualties as well. Therefore they are in effect, retaliating against strikes directed at them from a foreign aggressor. Thus would that make their actions justified?

No, I don't think so. If the prior action against them is terror attacks, so are their current actions. Terror attacks differ from real war in that the armed aggressor strikes at the helpless civilian population instead of a well matched opponent. If anything, I would say that the Israeli seems just looking for an excuse to shed the blood of others. And I'll tell you why.

If you are really seeking a solution to a problem, you will find the cause of it, and not attack the symptoms. Terror attacks are the symptoms of an even bigger issue. Other symptoms of it includes riots, protests, hatred and many more. The fact of the matter is people in the are do not agree to the very existence of Israel. It is made of land taken from the Palestinians against their wishes, to create a country which it would seem, is made out of foreigners. Nevermind that yes, once upon a time in ancient times that's where Jewish people came from. History progressed, and we move on. If everyone thinks just because their people came from a particular land in ancient times would make them having legitimate claims to the lands TODAY, then by all means, the US should give back the lands to the native Americans, and let them make a country of their own there. Australians should pack up their bags too. And we malays probably have to return back to the Indonesian islands, where Parameswara was supposedly from.

But we won't do that. And neither will the US or Australians. And I can accept that. But with Israel we made an exception. Why? I don't know. Maybe because of the holocaust and their suffering means we should now let them do as they please. I don't know. But correct me if I am wrong is saying that many other people of varying origins and ethnicity have suffered as well in the course of history, dying in the thousands, maybe even millions. Should we now let these people do whatever they damn well please as well? I don't know. You tell me.

All I see is that the Israeli seems to be relishing the opportunity to flex their military might.

So instead of finding ways to make themselves acceptable to their neighbors, Israel chose to continually shed more of their neighbor's civilian blood at the slightest act of provocation, and in some instances in the past, grab even more land from their Arab neighbors. Brilliant don't you think? Now everybody there wants to invite them to parties, I think.

People tend to blame the US too, and for good reason. It seems that the US has signed some form of blank cheque to Israel, supporting everything the little terrorist country would like to do, supplying them with weapons and the like. US weapons are indeed among the most state of the art the world has seen, bravo to them for that. Now, instead of using it for peace keeping and fighting off tyrants and aggressors, lets use those weapons to support vile states like the fore mentioned, or be aggressors ourselves. Another brilliant idea, don't you think?

To be honest I kind of hate seeing America vilified so much. What happened? In the past, they fought, bled and died for the cause of liberty, true liberty, and they saved many from tyranny. They joined the fight reluctantly but pursued it to the bitter end with great determination. And then, after they have achieved their goals, they went home and not staking much claim to what they have fought.

They were like heroes, selfless and courageous, using their might for good. And I admired them.

Once.

Today though, many people know them as supporters of rogue states like Israel or foreign invaders themselves, seeking to forcefully convert any state they choose to adopt their ideals. They are no longer the heroes, but the villains.

Tun Dr. Mahathir, former prime minister of Malaysia, did mention in his own blog that Americans should stop forcing democratization on other people. I think that is quite true, and quite ironic when you think further on the matter. Democracy should be the ideal where the people had the right to choose their government and leaders, right? So how come Americans see the need to FORCE people into democracy, when the very idea is about giving choice to people instead of being forced into it?

As the quote I mentioned at the start of this entry states, 'wars are won in the will'. The battle here is of ideals. This is not some business that is solved by killing the perpetrators. Do that, and others will just take their place eventually. The heart of the issue remains the same. People feel violated, oppressed and treated unjustly.

There is a war going on. But the battles are fought on the wrong field.

The New Year

2009-01-05T09:13:00.002+08:00

First post of the new year.

2008 ended with some feeling that they have achieved little of significance. Given the comparison of my life and theirs, I would likely share the sentiment. After all, being animators the lot of us, our timetable and work schedule and amount of chores is a constant worrisome thing.

But I feel otherwise.

I spent my 7 months of 2008 in Inspidea, and having done 1 particular project in that duration, I am generally happy with the result. It had been a loose dream of mine, but I never imagined that I would have a work of mine being shown on Disney Channel of all places, in just a matter of a year or two. That said, I feel that accomplishment is a bright start, not an end result of my own superiority. I feel at times blessed to be among people who keep me humble and open to criticism and comment. I have a big ego to be sure, and it hurts sometimes to hear others criticize something I had invested great amount of effort in. But being with the people I am with, it helps lessen down the resentment and enables me to ponder upon their views. I only pray it would lead to myself being better at what I do.

Far too many times I've known of people who are so full of themselves and view their accomplishments in an over inflated perception that they view any negative comments towards them as a hostile action, thinking themselves infallible and dismissing commentors alike as nuisance or villains. Being in the Malaysian entertainment industry, there's lots of examples. You don't believe me ask anyone in the broadcasting line. Even some of our top local artistes have been said to be such arrogant folks, though I have no personal experience with them to support the rumor.

Aside from the obvious accomplishments, I have many other things I count as successes for 2008, inclusive of matters relating to life views, plans for the future and of course, most significantly, relations with friends. I have fewer friends I hand out with these days, but those I do spend time with, I found them to be more than what I had earlier seen them as, and for all the busy schedules and personal business going around, I find myself appreciating their presence more.

2009 brings about nothing new technically, though I try to set aims and goals so as not to remain stagnant for the year. That said, it is a monday today, and I didn't expect to see the nerdy-pretty bus stop chick, as she typically is around on tuesdays to thursdays, but she is around today. And that was a surprise.

I suppose what I am saying here is that we can and should prepare and plan for things. But surprises are part of life and quite a number of times surprises makes life all the more worth living. And even bad things has its worth too. The good is not as good without the bad, I once hear. Take heart the lessons of our bad experiences, so we can further cheerish the good times we are given.

2009.

I don't know what 2009 brings. I don't know what kind of opening the new year would have seemed. All I do know is that we each make our own choices of what we make for the new year. I wish for myself and all of you that we make choices we will look back later in life and appreciate it. Choices are always ours to make after all, so choose well.

Happy New Year to all of you.

My thoughts...

2008-12-05T17:01:00.002+08:00

Goodness. goodness. Of all the turmoil.

So filled out with work that, I haven't noticed the one thing.

Raya haji is around the corner. Christmas and New year coming along soon. Not to mention awal muharram. Add that with my planned vacation next week, the whole december is pock marked with holes in the working schedule.

Which means a lot of time offs. Which is good.

Because transiting between 3 jobs in past 2 months have left me worried over my declining savings account and the need to properly fulfill expectations of new employers. I barely had time to consider when to take time offs and apply for leave and the like that these past 2 months have been like... years.

Work has been so-so, but I have to make a point in one thing. I come to believe that any work is so-so, as long as we don't see how it works for us in the long run. The point right now is, I'm not sure of my prospects in the new place, and where I am going with this job. I have no vision as to where I would end up in here. I'm sticking it out so far because the money is good. But that's about it.

Fact of the matter is, I'm concerned that I have developed my skills solely in the animating line, that in other creative aspects, I've totally neglected it, and is therefore not likely that should I choose to leave, I would find a job other than animating. Which further improves animating skills.

It's a vicious cycle, as a friend would once say, and I'm left to ponder, is the only way out of this predicament also requires me to leave the industry completely? I don't know. But I do know that the past months I have held to a new believe. Working your way with what you know is not the way to achieve the dream I hold for myself. That dream is freedom. And the road to freedom lies in opening one's eyes.

Ah well, that's enough thoughts for the day. I only thought of this because we had a prospective new employee turning up today for interviews, and we saw his art portfolio and by god, he was good. I have to admit I am a little jealous and can see him taking up things that are no longer feasible for me these days...

Gahhh... I need sleep. But there are comrades I need to help finish their work....

Animator on Animation.... finally

2008-12-04T17:30:00.002+08:00

Hi, I am a raccoon and a 2D animator.

Though I am an animator for over two years, working in a country (Malaysia) that strives to push the industry to higher, intermational standards, I have never really commented much on the said industry, mainly because I had other focus and aspirations aside animation. Today though, I've had the opportunity to discuss and talk about animation with my mentor and animation director, who has over 13 years of experience doing animation jobs from clients local and abroad. So I'll indulge part of my 'lessons' and findings for the day.

It came about when I curiously stumbled myself into some reknowned local animation work that is to say the least, one of the more talked about ones. I'll mention no specifics, and I'll verify nothing on the way of identity, so speculate all you want, I won't divulge more than what I am putting here.

To be perfectly honest, the makers of the work were never high on my list, not because they're not skillfull (they're quite good) but rather because it's a personal discomfort I have towards a few of their ways that I will not elaborate further.

Now these people have some hype and recognition, locally and at least in the region, perhaps. Regardless of personal opinions, I felt that they have achieved quite a great thing there with their work. Nationalistic sentiments made me feel proud of such achievements even though I am not at all related to the work itself. But I was curious to know what some of the other veterans and collegues with me would think. That, and the fact that after reviewing part of the work, there was something that felt a little bit...off. I couldn't place it so I deferred to my director's expert testimony on the matter.

He took one look and he knew it already.

It was in the design elements mostly. In short hand, he stated that the design was not mature enough, compared to what is out there, especially for the level of work these people are aiming for. Mature here refers not to an M rating suitable for viewers 18 and above, but rather the fact that he said the designs were 'half done'. It seemed to him not a question of whether or not there was room for improvements; it should have been improved regardless, the designs felt uncompleted.

He also mentioned that some of the designs were also not suited for the general requirements of the scenes and the like. I wasn't too sure what exactly was needed, but this largely for the secondary elements.

What I missed totally was the aspect of animation. I thought it was good, but my director was not satisfied with it. Simply put, while he applauds them for trying, it did not impress him. I wondered what would really impress this veteran of 13 years in the industry. I mean, 13 years is good compared to my own measly 2 years plus, but in the big picture, even he was quite young. If a person of 13 year experience was not satisfied, what would one of 20 or 30 years would say? Anyhow, I am both honored and quite literally, a little scared to be under his wing.

That aside, he questioned the matter of management, which while we have no definite point of reference to comment, he did say that many studios past closed down despite good quality works, recognition and healthy supply of sponsors, because the management was not solid. Maybe he is old school, but he believed that one in the industry needs to start at the bottom, management side and creative side alike. It didn't sit well with him that these people jumped up too high so soon. Relevant experience was lacking, especially if very trying challenges arise, and the scary part was that he said he's seen it all before. He merely noted that these people have to be careful.

I am not sure, maybe he doesn't see any veterans in that group of people, or maybe he really has seen it all repeat over and over. But what I do know is that in my 2 years, most of what he says regarding the industry was correct and proved right.

It makes me glad to be here, where I am now, to stand amongst seasoned people far more experienced than I am, for I know I will have lots to learn and will never be content to stay at my level of quality.

In summary, I still think we should be proud of our achievements, and the country has reason to be proud of those who achieved it. But such pride must be tempered with humility, and in such environment, humility can come from looking up to those whose wisdom has flourished in the field over the years. I thus feel that to find yourself the top most with no one else to look up to a scary prospect, for we are then ever more vulnerable to be simply content with what we have and not look for more.

Politics

2008-12-04T13:38:00.003+08:00

I'm not talking about national government politics.

I'm talking about daily politics. I'm talking about those politics that I see day to day, with my own eyes. I hope you'll excuse me if you find that the issue isn't general enough or related to a broad range of people, because this is about my social network.

This is the gossip politics, as i would call it; rumors and gossip being implemented into an existing working system that it affects the day to day running of the organization.

Once in a while, I would hear a collegue, a friend, or an acquaintance speaking thus and thus about another person. More often than not, the matter being said is negative. And more often than not, the matter is downright.... wrong. And I'm telling you this because I am a curious person, and whenever I can I try, without being too much a busybody, to hear both sides of the tale. Of course I have to deduce which parts of the tale is acceptable and which part is exxageration using my own logic and observation. This is the gossip part.

Why this happens, I can not say for sure. But we all have been brought up differently and we all see things in our own way to be sure, with some differences on how we view similiar matters. As an example, if some one questions about my religion, others might say its intruding or rude; I say the person is just being inquisitive. It's because I chose and was largely living among people who are open minded enough to be questioned, while others might live in a state of total unquestioning obedience towards the tenets of faith.

Thus, similiarly, we perceive the actions and ethics of people at work differently. A friend of mine is said to be one who easily complaints too much. The friend is unsatisfied with how he/she is being treated and demands for more. Or the person in question is making noise over some issues he/she is experiencing. I can see why others would label him/her as annoying, and have negative view on the person. But mostly these views are 2nd or 3rd hand information being passed down several tiers through other people. When I talked to the person in question, I can finally see the logic behind the persons actions. Of course, thats that person's point of view.

But in at least a few cases, I did my own observation and studies, and I find out the person was on the level, and that the general society is the one who got most, not all, of the facts wrong. People say he/she is bad, I found out he/she is an interesting person in their own right.

All that is still within the realm of acceptable interactions because personal opinion is for you yourself to decide. Others should not decide for you.

What ticks me off is when these personal opinions affect official matters and procedures. A person is looking for an opportunity of advancement for example, is turned down because the back talk among the other people is that he/she is a bitch/bastard? That's just wrong. And of course that's the clear cut example. Reality isn't always so clear. Back talk can sometimes affect our perception, for example, that by the time you actually had to judge the persons character yourself, you'd be so easily inclined to take anything that might support the theory. Suppose someone is accused of whining too much, and you try to be objective, but having been bombarded by these rumors and gossip, all it needs to convince you that a person is whiny is just the few, maybe just one or two, complaints coming out of the person. Or better yet, every complaint is taken as supporting evidence to the theory but every positive redeeming aspect easily cast way without much thought.

Then you ruin that person's chances and opportunity by denying him/her completely. We close off every legal and professional option within our power to them. Then we go off explaining why we did it, and said we remained objective.

I know for example a person who condemned another quite often, saying the other mistreated her because the other misunderstoof her and such, and this person was telling it to a lot of other people about the matter. I talked to the other person later on, and found out that the former was the one who misunderstood. Suffice to say, the latter had no misgivings to the former, and that the former just assumed the latter had, thus created his/her own misgivings towards the latter, claiming the latter misunderstood them.

I know I myself am guilty of all this in the past.

But there were times, when I labelled off these people but God was kind enough to let me know them personally later on in life, and I found for the most part, they were great people. There was a girl I knew in class, people called her a bitch and an attention seeker. I found out she was a friendly, kind and engaging person who is ever willing to cheer you up. Suffice to say, I still talk to her occassionally but have not said a word to those people who gave her a bad label.

I can't ask everyone to give anyone a chance, that's for you yourself to decide. But I would like to encourage that as soon as you think you had someone figured out... think again.

Appreciation for the People I Know

2008-12-02T11:21:00.004+08:00

I had a revelation of sorts.

Many times now, I have attended functions and the like that encourage a positive outlook on life, and whilst that is beneficial, I will share intimate details on the matter of these functions personally, and not here.

In some of the... agendas we had there was related to the matter of appreciation and acceptance. Like many around us I suppose, I took the lesson as expected, like a classroom session, to be logged into my list of "useful things to know in life" but never really reviewd upon later. At least that is how it was initially.

Not until recently, barely few days ago, that I come realize, how much I had taken for granted the things I have and the friends I keep, for good or ill. I realized most of all that in both ways of the relationships, we sometimes never knew what the take we have for each other. Why is she my friend? And why am I her friend? Crucial to this I must point out that I'm not here to accuse any of my friends that they're keeping me around for the wrong reasons, or waiting to make use of me simply as a tool.

I understand simply that many would be well enough to be, and remain, a friend to you, but the way they express it, and their own personal idea of what that is greatly differs. I think it is foremost that one recognizes what others see in you, as much as what you see in them; after all we wish to avoid having negative assumptions on them. Friends are hard enough to get and harder still to maintain. The fact that some are willing to stay with us, for however their reasons might be viewed upon, is something we must take with the utmost care.

The second step to that is the fact that I think we do not acknowledge enough on how others mean to us. I don't know, maybe for guys such admittance ruins the 'macho' and cool image we would like of ourselves, and maybe even some girls are starting to subscribe to such thinking. There was a time where it's common, I suppose, for girls to be very vocal on emotional matters, but these days I've seen alarming number of them showing signs of 'acted' disdain for any talk of emotinally related matters. This is unfortunate really. I like strong women and I've said that many times over in this blog, but I don't equate a strength in character to be of cold in heart.

I don't know. Maybe it's just my view.

But what I do know is that day after day, we talk to friends. We tell them things, the latest happenings, and we ask them in turn for their version of it. We ask them for help, as much as they asked us for help. But in all that how many times have we made clear how much they mean to us? There was a saying that action speaks louder than words. I am here to refute that. I believe, there words are no subsitute for action, but then action is not a substitute for words either. You need both. If God didn't intend for you to hear words, he would have given us eyes and limbs only, and no ears to hear words from others, nor the capacity to voice out those words.

If you have a spouse, or girlfriend or boyfriend and the like, (and call me a dick for reverting to somewhat of a sterotype in this example, and a gender based stereotype at that! :P but it is just that... an example, theoretical...) I think that for most guys, its not enough that you show your appreciation. You should tell her of it as well. I don't think a few nice words can do much harm to one's self image, in fact it might be better for it. Similiarly, for a lot of girls I noticed, don't just tell him how you feel. I personally feel that those words, reinforced with some action and show of appreciation can go a long, long way.

I'm not with anyone. So it might not be my place to say. Or you might think it's not worth hearing from the likes of me. In which case, theres typically a little X button you can use at the top right of the window....

But still... I do have friends. Real friends. And I feel it's worth noting how much I appreciate them, and how wonderful they all are; for all their misgivings, flaws and the little annoying things they do to me. Yes, some of you annoy me to some point. But I'm growing to accept that for the lot of you. And it's still worth saying. I did this (really I did!:P) during one night. I recalled of my good friend, and for no other reason than the mere thought of it, I sms-ed the friend, and after some few choice introductory words, I told her that she is wonderful, and may she always be herself.

Just that. Out of the blue, you might say.

I got a positive reply. And I can't tell you how good it is to have made the day brighter for a friend. Perhaps I'm being idealistic, or quite the dreamer here, but can you really tell me you don't feel good after making a close friend feel better? So I suppose I'll end by saying it again, to any who stumbles on the page.

You are wonderful.

May you always be you.

Yoga ban?

2008-11-28T10:38:00.002+08:00

Keeping it short here.

Locally, there's been this talk about the recent supposed banning of Yoga practices amongst the local muslims here in Malaysia, under the premise that it could erode faith and that yoga instills aspects of Hinduism.

The Prime Minister however has said that yoga is allowed for the said parties, so long as it does not include the elements of Hindu spiritualism.

The article i read on MSN ended with, "Malaysia's population is dominated by Muslim Malays, and the ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities are becoming concerned over rising "Islamisation" of the multicultural country".

I have yet to see the concern voiced outloud by my non muslim friends, though being so closed from the outside world, I may have missed it. Nevertheless, it makes you think.

Why? Why this need to ban and impose (yes, i mean that... impose) regulations on people these utterly strict rules that for me, degrades us as if we are incapable of discerning the different elements we should and should not indulge in a thing.

I am muslim, so why is it I find the act demeaning, even though I sure as hell don't want to be swayed from my faith?

The Oldest Dream

2008-11-25T12:55:00.005+08:00

I had a realization.

I wrote of freedom, and how it is now misused. True enough but my focus now shifts, to what freedom was, and what it means to me now.

Freedom was a dream.

It was a dream, a great hope by people who dared to imagine something better than what is, and to fight to make it true. It was the great vision, it was the glorious call. While it is sad to see what some reduce the call to these days, I think it's equally important to realize what freedom meant, what it once stood for, and what it means to each of us.

I live in a democratic country. I live in a place where governments do not impose heavy restrictions upon me. I have the right to vote (though I haven't done so) and thus elect leaders, and I have the rights to certain priviledges like speech, music, entertainment and such, to an extent.

Do I have freedom?

Once, long ago, freedom was simply meant as the rights to live as one pleases. A vague description, I'm sure, but one that is still largely accurate enough, provided it does not violate the rights of others I assume. And once long ago, democracy was not the rights to vote for a leader, but the rights of citizens to vote for a decision. They did not elect people to make choices for them, but rather the actual voting is the decision making itself.

I do not vote because I don't know who to vote for. For me the choices are either bad... or worse. I do not live as my please, because underlying all things in life, there are needs that has to be taken care of, financial and like wise. Therefore I cannot go when and where I please, nor can I object when something is asked of me. Not by the government or the state of course, but for the people I work for.

MY daily life is in fact dictated not by myself, but by others.

I am not free.

Like many in history, we are bound. The surface of it differs from age to age, but all the same we are bound, not free.

"Live believing, Dreams are for weaving, Wonders are waiting to start..
Live your story, Faith, hope & glory, Hold to the truth in your heart.."

That's quoted from a song, in a movie most of us watched...some time ago. Probably when we were still children, some of us at least. The singer is Diana Ross, the song is If We Hold On Together, for the soundtrack of the animated feature, The Land Before Time.

I believe I have a dream, and I always had it. I was always though too fearful to lose it. It was hope, for which we hold dear, but fear letting it out lest we lose it. We cheerish its thought, but fear it cast down in the face of contemporary cold logic.

I dream to be free.

Where is the fight for Freedom?

2008-11-20T09:25:00.002+08:00

I think of the soldiery fighting for freedom and I picture in my head an army of the finest-equipped soldiers, the most awesome fighting force on the planet, simply obliterating an enemy that could barely put up a fight against them. I think of vast industrial and technological might crushing those that barely habe modern equipment of their own. These days, the cry to fight for freedom is more often than not being greeted by a sneer, or snide of contempt and the cliche'd thought of it all.

Maybe for people who are fighting amongst those superior, powerful, and supposed freedom-championing factions might still feel a connection to the word, but for me, my reaction to "fighting" for freedom is cynical at best.

And how can I not be? Given past examples, historical texts as well as contemporary re-enactments of those texts, have always shown that more often than not the aggressor, is the enemy of freedom. Today however, the aggressors fight for freedom? I just can't reconcile with the notion. As such I become a paradox.

These days, I loathe to hear American military efforts being hailed as a fight for freedom. It is cliche'd and for me utterly corrupts and tarnishes what the word once meant. But at the same time. I love the tales of the fight for freedom; but not as how it is being played in this modern age. I harken back to a time, when people fight for freedom against overwhelming odds for what they truly believe is just. Today, a just cause is usually the cover story for a cause that lies in the same bedsheets as greed, power and dominance. I so enjoy the tale of freedom fighters triumphant againts odds that were borderline impossible, but for which they kept fighting because they would rather die than lose their freedom. I believe that, having my own miniature fight for freedom, there are areas in which there is no reconcialliation with my far more conservative family members who view my somewhat free lifestyle with contempt, but I will not trade such freedom back. I would sooner die.

There was a time when the fight for freedom was not a cliche'. It was not a scam. It was genuinely a positive ideology, cause and state of being. Freedom almost always is a fight against aggressors who invades upon your own life and freedom. I cannot view the attacks by the Americans these days as such because they are fighting an opponent far inferior to them and imposing their brand of ideology on others. Democracy maybe hailed as good, as despite my misgivings towards democracy, I see its merits. But the fundamental fight for freedom is not about imposing a democratic rule on a people, as said people must instead choose for themselves the rule of democracy. Toppling a dictatorship may sound good and nice, but I don't think it's all that fair to impose and influence what goes on with the people there with your own brand of ideology. The people have to make up their own mind, for good or ill.

That for me is freedom.

"In the Year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland - starving and outnumbered - charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen, and won their freedom" quote from the last lines in the 1995 movie, Braveheart.

This best examplifies my rather romanticized view of the fight for freedom.

I thought just now while having breakfast, how different it is today of how we view the rallying call for freedom, than when many years ago our forefathers were fighting for such a cause. I don't think that generally we take our freedoms for granted. Maybe some do, but the bigger issue for me is that how we misused the term these days.

Well, that's the thought...

Playing Fallout 3

2008-11-19T08:44:00.003+08:00

Last of the 3 games I bought and ultimately the best.

Fallout 3. I think even non gamers can recognize the name Fallout. Basic thing about it is the post nuclear apocalyptic future setting in which we, as a survivor in an underground vault, finally ventures out into the wastelands of the surface.

Fallout 3 is a heaven sent for character customization in my opinion. True there are many other games that may offer even more minute level of character customization, but Fallout does it best. You start out as a baby, using technics of supposed future techs as well as personally controlling your avatar, you begin to set up specific traits of the character. Best of all is that at one point in the early game, after you had some adventuring or roaming about, you are given one last time to re-customize your character, just incase you're not happy with him/her yet. And even more is that later in the game you can find NPCs that can still help you alter your physical appearence, should you want a change of look.

The world of Fallout is huge, spanning the area of what was the American capital, now called the Capital Wastelands. The world is dotted with points of interests from derelict landmarks to makeshift enemy camps, to subway systems and shabby towns. I won't go specifics on how the world is, but suffice to say, I enjoy doing sidequests in this game not for the rewards or XP, but for the opportunity to explore the world. In one instance, I went some place quite far very early in the game, armed with a stubby little baton and a gun with barely a dozen bullets in it, and luck had it, found a super mutant, struggled to kill it, and looted the bastard's minigun. A damn minigun so early in the game....

Story plays out interestingly enough, with your main objective is to find your dad who supposedly wandered off from your Vault, in order to pursue his last project or something, which he abandoned when your character was born. Along the way, you get the heads up on the going arounds of the world, meet interesting people and make allies or foes. What's best is that many little things you do affect how your character will be viewed in the future, and be it good or bad, specific factions might target to..."off" you. This sort of thing does make you think on what actions you would want to take, and who you would want to be on the good side of, and who you'd prefer pissing off.

Combat is a mix of FPS and RPG, in that you can use normal FPS style shooting (though still has RPG factor like weapon condition and affecting skills) or you can use VATS, which is basically like putting you in RPG mode, tell what you want to aim for, and the character auto executes it in slowmo, all factors calculated in, just like a traditional RPG in a way. After killing, you loot, of course, and I like the more or less WYSIWYG thing about the game. Basically speaking, if the enemy has a minigun, shoots you with a minigun, then killing him and looting, a minigun is what you get. That. and a few other trinkets of course.

There are other things too in the game that add depth, like lock picking and computer hacking. Computer hacking requires the use of skills to access a terminal, but the actual hacking requires you using your own logic. It's nifty, smart...but sometimes... I didn't exactly pay for the game to play an IQ test. I suppose this might be an appeal to some, but I find it mildly annoying. Maybe coz I sometimes just don't get it.

It's the same with lock picking. Skills are a contributory factor, not a guarantee. Lockpicking try to simulate the real thing with you picking the lock using pins and screwdriver to turn. The trick is to turn the lock without breaking the pin. Let's just say my logic factor sometimes goes off here too, and I broke a fair amount of pins. Not really my thing too I suppose.

There's a lot more to say about Fallout 3 and a lot more for me to find out too. But then, I'm not doing a real review, just stating opinion on the game. Buy the game to experience the wonders personally.

A good 9 outta 10 I'd give this one.

Political Circus

2008-11-19T08:32:00.003+08:00

Quote:

"A new generation of leaders in Malaysia is fighting for control of the ruling party -- in disarray since heavy election losses -- with the premier's son-in-law battling his predecessor's son.

The successors of current leader Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and former premier Mahathir Mohamad are shaping up to continue hostilities that have raged between the two veterans for the past few years.

After disastrous election results in March, Abdullah has been forced to stand down early next year, unleashing an unprecedented contest for top posts in the United Malays National Organisation (UMNO).

Drawing intense interest is the tussle for the influential role of youth wing chief -- a nurturing ground for future leaders.

Abdullah's son-in-law is pitted against Mahathir's son, in a fight that could determine which of the rival clans will control Malaysia's future. "

I took that off MSN news when I was checking my MSN email account. The title of the article was 'Party feud grips Malaysian politics'.

I'm not a politically inclined person, most of the time I feel like politics is similiar to pro-wrestling in that there's all the drama and silliness and but not much in the way of actual fighting. It's almost a circus of sorts. And while I always had high regards for Tun Dr. Mahathir, I am still not inclined to be actively taking sides in this supposed feud.

Anyhow what is of interest to me is the way the article seemed to portray the scene in Malaysia. I mean "which rival clan"? Does that not make it sound like we are some sort of tribes people or something? Does it not also imply that either side promotes only members of their own family or something? What are we, another Saddam Hussein regime? I find the word clan more often related to familial ties and to think that our country is to be divided in such terms is... demeaning.

Anyhow, maybe that's how articles and the like are, but from my point of view though things are not as bad as it might sound. Sure economy's bad and politically its like a circus, but people can still get by. I still have a job, which considering my past posts, is almost as effective as a big raise in my salary as well. I got to save up money a bit more these days but I can still go out shopping or eat fancy food once in a while.

Oh well... back to my mundane life....:D

Playing Sacred 2: Fallen Angel

2008-11-18T09:14:00.005+08:00

I feel like a game reviewer.

But honestly, I've enjoyed all those games I spent a bucketload of my earnings on, and I can't help but be excited by each one of it.

Today though, I'll focus on the supposedly most flawed and contoversial of my purchases; Sacred 2: Fallen Angel.

The first take on Sacred is that it is a Diablo clone, and being such, it must be only of extraordinary quality to warrant a look at it, otherwise we'd be better off just sticking to the original Diablo series itself.

To be honest though, Sacred builds upon the Diablo mechanics and then goes its own way with it. Most of Sacred's fighting is above ground, and the tone for the world is largely bright and colorful. Most prominent is that the game plays on a large world map that has very little area transitions. To accomodate such vastness, Sacred offers mounts, horses or such, that can traverse the world much faster than on foot.

Sacred's character development is divided to three elements; combat arts are to be found via looting (or trading at rune masters), skills are raised few points per level, with every few levels or so, new skills can be unlocked; attributes are levelled even per level automatically with 1 additional attribute point given for you to focus on one particular attribute. Adding new element over the old Sacred is the customization of combat arts via upgrading skills related to those combat arts. Now one can customize how effective the combat arts are rather than simply upgrading it per level. For example, a level 2 seraphim radiant light combat art can deal say...20 damage points, but depending on personal customization, some people can make it deal overall better damage, or increase its area of effect or duration, add a perk that sucks enemies into the combat art...etc.

Sacred 2 has 6 characters, but I'll get to them later down below....

Having established the basics there, I'll get on to the bad first. I know people like to go to the good first typically, but I'll go to the bad first.

1. Bugs. The common plague of the sacred series, Sacred 2 suffers from several bugs upon release, some of it severe, others contribute to the decline of the game's feel. Fortunately some of the serious ones are ironed out by several patches already, though the game still suffers occasional stability issues. Game crashes occur not that often, but still it's more than you like. Fortunately the new patch enables on the spot save game feature, so F9 is your bestfriend in the game. That aside, the most prominent bug in the game I can see is largely non-lethal, but annoying; undeads that ressurrect are almost always "submerged" waist deep in the ground.

2. Character customization. Look, some people like blondes, I like red heads. Some people like tattoos, some like a clear face, and so on. I find it hard to grasp why a new and modern RPG, one that uses 20GB of space at that, has 6 character classes and all are unable to be customized in appearence sense. It's not that hard to do I would think, and the features are more or less there. I found out that you can for example change hair types and color for the seraphim via a few codes or so on the console. Thus, the question is why not just make it a formal feature. I'd love for a non-pig-tail hair style redhead seraphim.

3. Voice Overs. Some of the voice actors here do admirably well, some are good enough, and some are silly enough to be humorous but there are moments that punctuate the gameplay with odd comments, silly cries and the like which sounds like a 4th rate effort at best. Whats up with that? Redo all the bad VOs and I would feel a whole lot better about it already.

That about lists the major grievences I have about it. To the good stuff.

1. Character designs. Seraphim: sexy warrior. High Elf: sexy mage. Dyad :Sexy ranged combat. Inquisitor: Cool Evil Guy. Shadow Warrior: Heavy Combat guy, Temple Guardian: Cool cyborg. You can check online and such for the pics, but though some may object, I have to say I am largely satisfied with most of its design.
2. Open map. A vast majority of the map is open for you to get to from the get go. It's just a matter if you are brave enough and/or strong enough. Add that with the myriad towns and cities, to explore, sidequests that go from helping find a cat to saving hordes of people from death (hey I like domestic lifestyle quests sometimes too!), you get quite a filled up world.
3. Rides. Look, we travel the world ey? So was it in Diablo. So we should have had horses and such.. Fortunately they do here, even have specialized mounts for characters like an awesome tiger for my sexy warrior.
4. Items and loot. Aside from the fact that largely the items given to you are for your class, I only have one other thing to say. Metal Bra and thong with utility belt, defense total... 60... (and you havent factored in the high heel boots, pantaloons, hand and arm guards, helmet and wings, as well as jewelry yet). So nice! Awesome bonuses for making a chick look seductive~!
5. In game concert. Blind Guardian rocks.... hahahaha.

So, Sacred 2 isn't perfect. It's a flawed gem, but it's still worth keeping, at least that's what I think.

7 outta 10 I would say.

Can't wait to get back and play, and do some lingerie/wargear shopping for my seraphim... haha..

Playing RedAlert 3

2008-11-17T09:50:00.003+08:00

Recently bought and played 3 games. All of which are superb in some way, though the differing aspects and features may make others contradict my statements. For now, I'll tell you about one of that. I'll post my thoughts on the others later...

C&C: RedAlert 3

Any fool who does not know the Redalert title is either a non gamer, or a freak.

Having said that RA3 offers the most humorous gameplay I've had in a long while. Truly if there is an example of a game that does not take itself seriously, this is it. Further more, they strive so hard to amuse you and make u enjoy the experience, that one thing I commented on the game was that I'm seeing cleavage almost everywhere, The Allies have them, The Soviets are loaded with such cleavage showing soldiers, and even the supposedly traditionalist Japanese have them, though they are largely extras.

The 3 sides play fairly different enough from each other. Despite having units that almost mirror each others roles, they are diverse enough in their ability and distribution to provide a style to itself. Soviets for example, are heavy on ground attacks, and their forces are designed to match this. The bear, the tesla trooper, the tanks, terror drones all provide a wide variety of strong arm ground assault options for the soviet commander. At least that's how I see it. Soviets however do suffer in terms of expansion. Let me explain this. Firstly, unlike Japanese who can build structures anywhere, and the allies who can place a premade stucture next to a deployed Prospector (the Allied Ore miner), the soviets need a specialized unit built, called the sputnik, and even then, soviet style building methods means it will be placed first, one by one, before the building is built, given the in-building-process expansion a severe vulnerability.

Allies, the so called good guys, play traditionally as C&C games should. "Building, Construction Complete, place building, new construction options.." Allies are fun to mess around with their abilities, like the shrink rays and cryo shots. But by large, they feel ... typical. Contrast that with their usual "for freedom" rhetoric against the silly Soviets, makes them much less funny than the hilarious red army and their host of sexy soldiers, despite having one of the hottest chicks in game (your guess to which one is it) . Allies focus, on my opinion, in air power. Allied Airpower is largely specialized mixed of units with devastating ability. Every side gets an anti air fighter, so that aside the allied strike craft and bomber are the most impressive, combining strength and speed nicely.

Japanese are truly unique. Being that they are largely amphibious means that Japanese rules the waves. I think for my game play style, the japanese navy balances its units out well enough. The small attack unit for the navy is a submersible, useful for hit and runs, capitol ship assasinating and suicide runs even. The mid range cruisers packs a decent surface to surface fire power, and the Shogun battleship is simply awesome, being able to ram enemy ships as well as having primary fire that is not intercept-able, like the allied carrier and its fighter drones.

They also expand well enough due to the Nano-core style build method. Construction yard produces nano cores for the specidied building, and you can thus horde a whole array of prefabricated structures, refineries, barracks, power, turrets and all, and send them all in one go, fully bulding a well equipped and defended expansion base.

In short, the game does not offer anything new in RTS gaming, but what it does is make a regular style game largely enjoyable. I don't think many games can make themselves this silly, and sometimes borderline idiotic.... and get away with it.

On a scale of 0 to 10, I'd say a solid 8. And lastly.... Dasha is hot. :P

Pretty Ones: Stories of Girls

2008-11-13T09:07:00.003+08:00

1. Her Hand on Me

Every working day I would take the ERL and LRT trains to work. Having arrived at the Bukit Jalil LRT station, I would therefore wait at the bus stop for the shuttle bus to take me to my office area. If I was lucky, the wait would be no more than 5-10 minutes. If I was even luckier, this one chick would be there.

I don't know her name or what she does, only that I suspect she studies at APIIT, coz that's where she usually gets off the bus. On this particular day, I rushed into the bus, secured myself a seat at the front of the bus. There were many people today, and she got on last, so she had to stand... right in front of me. She reached for her phone/mp3 player in her bag and as she does so her hand went to be in contact with my right knee for a bit (my seat was partly elevated, so sitting down, my knees were at stomach level more or less). I don't know why but there was a thrill to that.

I don't say this as some fanatical infatuation or anything. Like some people, I had my time of 'weird' fascinations with things I don't usually take to. She was neither dressed sexily nor was she exhibitng any 'strong woman' persona; in fact she seemed rather shy. She wore rather thick framed glasses and usually wear sensible professional clothing. Yet I found her appearence seemingly attractive as well as calming. I find this a curiosity, as I usually pride myself in knowing what exactly I like in many things.

2. Airline

The good thing abt KLIA trains is that it shares a 'commodity' of sorts, associated to airlines. Every day, going back from work, I take the train going towards KLIA. On good occasions there would be a few hot female stewardess around. I've seen 3 airlines stewardesses; Air Asia, Singapore Airlines and MAS. But MAS always steals the show for me. I thought shorter skirts would do it for me. But the tight fit of the MAS kebaya uniforms proved to be.... superior, in its attraction.

I don't know how they do it, but they managed to find not only pretty faces, but also curvaceous bodies. I guess that maybe it, for while other airlines have skirt wearing stewardesses, they are also covered up top with jackets and the like. But with MAS stewardess, you get to see the figure. And what a sight it is. Standing next to three of them one time left me feeling rejuvenated enough for hours of gaming. Imagine what 'closer contacts' could do.

My only qualm is that most are tall,which is usually ok but some, sadly, are taller than little old me. Which though nice to see still, it does make me feel rather.... small.

3. Nobody

A good friend of mine recently told me of how he was somewhat 'fascinated' to a cutesy asian girlband, a Korean group called the Wonder Girls, singing a song titled "Nobody". That in itself would be unremarkable, unless you know how picky the guy is with his preferences.

While he does not profess a high, noble attitude that sexy women doesnt appeal to him, he is rather specific on what he lavishes his attention to, typically dismissing many things we shallower people would fancy as simply being "unable to see the point of such things". I know this would make him one of good, high tastes, but girl bands were typically something he would not go in to, let alone these asian cutesy girl bands.

Sure, they're nice and sure the dance has some seductive appeal, but hearing him mention that seems like either he has gone through a lot of change, or that he is losing his mind from being too bored from where he is.

It doesn't matter really, what's important is he showed me new selection of pretty girls.

Bikini Armor

2008-11-12T13:31:00.008+08:00

It's not a new question. It's an old one. It seems like a dead certain matter, but people argue about it still. Or maybe it isn't a dead certain matter... oh well...

It is the question related to women, It is related to hot chicks.

It is the question about hot warrior chicks in bikini armor.

...and my mind races back to the few GUYS who said how they hate women portrayed as such. Hyprocrites of Fags, these people I think. The former being that they're just trying to sound 'noble' and deny their own thoughts, and the latter.... well, I don't really need to explain about the latter now, do I?

And as for women who object to this... well, I'm not asking *you* personally to strip down to a bikini, i just simply would like to state, in general, that I like such things. Choice preference.

I recently played a few RPGs, new ones, and to those who know me would know my partialness to making a hot chick character for single player purposes. The idea being that I'd rather see a hot chick walking around, bouncing here and there than some supposedly alter ego of myself, when playing alone. Anyhow some games make incidentally sexy outfits for women, or those that still is considered more or less practical. Mass Effect for example has body armor that covers the chick neck to toe, but it's so body hugging, that it isn't too hard to picture her naked. (on the 'up' side, you actually can get to see your female character naked in the game but thats another thing).

Few actually give modest outfits for women. Fallout 3 for example has several "practical" outfits that does seem little concerned about sexiness (not that the game has none at all). But I'm sure some girls are all reliefed that their avatars can now be not portrayed a sex object. Hurray to you then.

Then there's those that throw most of the practicality out the window and go primarily to make chicks that make you drool. You can see she's a warrior, but you can't help but stare as she decapitate you. Case in point, the Sacred series' Seraphim character. Armored bra, panties with utililty belts and... high heeled combat boots???

I would firstly like to clarify that I am not one of those that brought this matter up to condemn it like so many "that's not proper combat attire" -shouting forumites. In fact, I dare admit I like things that are pleasing to my eyes, and I like sexy women. Even if it does seem impractical for her to be so.

What interests me is that so many people who cry against these are guys, and so many that try defending it seemed... consciously trying not to admit that they liked the sight of a scantily clad babe swingong big swords around. They would try point out facts and examples instead. The 'haters' would of course go for the obvious; in that there's little protection able to be provided by such scanty outfits, and how many vitals are left exposed to injury. Those who stand against them would of course use the argument that the lack of heavy armor enables a more agile and dexterous combatant to totally avoid injury in the first place.

For the former, I have this to say. History has pointed out that people have fought naked before, and how heavy armor has in certain conditions jeapordized, rather than protect their wearer. I think there are times or places or conditions where the lighter dressed troops have superior advantage over their over-encumbered heavily armored foes. Case in point the decimation of Legions in Parthia to hit and run ranged attackers. To say that combatants must be properly covered is therefore not universally true, and if minimal attire can be said feasible, what's to stop it from being designed as..."fashionably appealing?"

That does not mean I support the latter argument fully though. It is worth noting that several nuances of the sexy chick-warrior outfit serves little practical use, like the stiletto combat boots for example. And while minimal armoring can be of use, and even made trendy, let us not forget that even against the environment do we need some protection, like against cold or harsh weather. I don't think therefore that it is entirely proper for a chick to fight in nothing but bra and panties through a forest area for example. While the area does provide good cover that makes full armor superfluous, she would thus be more likely to catch cold.

And they did make such a thing, I recall, in a little game on the Sega Megadrive platform, called Golden Axe. Oh she was hot, no doubt, but she would me more likely to fit in a bikini contest than in battle. And how she survives travelling highlands and even flying into clouds with minimal warm clothing is anyone's guess. Fortunately, in the latest remake of that series, the hot chick has been redesigned to something more closer to practical than before, though still about just as sexy. And from blonde, she's now a red head.... hmm... nice.

The whole thing therefore I think it's not really about balance, but rather fusion. Balance implies that to gain more sexy appeal, bits of practicality should be sacrificed and vice versa. But I believe that a good design would be one that does not eschew practicality that much but still tries to exhibit great appeal to the audiences.

To end it all, I would like to address any who might ask that in terms of these warrior women, why bother at all with the appeal? Why do these women need to be pretty or sexy or gorgeous? The answer is simply, they don't need to. It is never a compulsory rule. It is however a matter of preference. If you love practicality or like attires that is borderline... amish, then go for it. But I feel that women should be pretty. I once wrote that a beautiful woman is among the greatest of God's creation, and whatever form of gorgeous women that I like to see, that is simply a matter of my preference, which I have a right to, and which I want regardless.

And i hope I can't be sued for that. :P

Cheers.

-edit November 14, 2009, additional findings to share.

As I might have implied or mentioned, I love playing Sacred games, despite the bugs and some design flaws, because of the simple, action oriented gameplay, large open map to explore, graphics that are bright but still gorgeous (for Sacred 2) and I can ride wicked cool mounts. And it has sexy females that I like.

I went to the forums looking for any character build tips, among the things i find are comments regarding the Seraphim;

User Ecchi said this, "And what we left in the end is Seraphim.She has good looks (if you don't mind slutty ,well I don't XD) ,she has tones of useful skills and I played her in sacred 1 so that's what I play now.."

I used to mind, but I don't think slutty is too much a hindrance for me anymore. I think acting slutty is ok to a point... don't over do it:P

This guy Aropax was straight and honest saying "I chose her for her slutty looks;..."

Fcera stated, "the male movement animations could use some work, but look at sacred1, the guys were pretty terribly animated in it as well. i think it has more to do with the designers than anything else, they seem to put more effort into the female models."

That's starting to sound like something of a developer studio that would be lead by.... me:D

Also, Fcera included, "they have 3 different female model types to appeal to different people:tall and skinny = high elf, short and stocky = dryad, barbie doll = seraphim". I don't know really. I like tall (but not taller) but skinny means lacking curves, and I like curves. Short and stocky sounds so not my thing. I suppose if barbie doll s the best balanced choice, then so be it. I do mind the term barbie doll...but oh heck, she looks nice :D

Lastly, user FreeBird had this to say, "Seraphim: Decent skills, and a lot more interesting than I thought. Her special mount looks good, but she can only play nice. I prefer naughty girls. I mean bad girls. Still, the lack of a dark side doesn't matter much as she kicks as much butt as everyone else, and I don't think her enemies count her as good anyway"

Now you can probably guess... that is what I like.... hmmmm :D Bad girls are nice.

Turbulent times?

2008-10-30T08:59:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure what to make of these recent times. I can remember clearly many excited moments just very, very recently yet here I am again, feeling as down as can be.

It makes all seem somewhat erratic i suppose, these past events, down to the point I almost feel unsure of what to feel in general. There are many causes for joy and being uplifted. Among such causes are the recent release of some episodes on a project I used to work on. It's showing on Disney Channel (1st Nov) this Saturday, and represent a high mark in my professional achievements. It's after all, Disney channel and that is indeed... big.

My best friend got married recently and at the very least through my view, some form of fairy tale elements do come true after all. The union of the two, one is whom I respect greatly, and the other of course, is one I trust deeply. Congratulations to you two, and I have never felt better about two people than for these two.

RedAlert 3 is out. As is Fallout 3. Sacred 2 will be out early next month. My EVE is progressing good, and of course I've finished Mass Effect (finally), with sex scenes and all. Haa~! Game-wise I suppose, its simply outstanding.

Considering my previous employment is rumored to be closing, and that I have already got a new place to work, with increase in salary I might add, I suppose my life now seems blessed. The relatively laid back environment and lacking the rigid structure of my first (animation) work place, I suppose I'm having a pretty charmed life.

Truth be told however that's where the spit and polish ends, as that glossy aspect of the working deal is a surface element that I fear hides a lurking darkness; a darkness that I had hoped and prayed had been left behind after my departure from Kelana Jaya. I'm not saying this new place is bad already. I'm merely stating that I'm seeing signs of things that could come. The relatively limited 'resource' of a new company means that there'll likely be more things to do for each individual worker, and the lack of said resource also means that we do not have much to fall back on if things should go awry. In short, once again, there lurks the possibility that I will be asked to.... sacrifice.... again.

People... well.... people, thats also the issue. Previously I was content to let myself follow on people's paths, because I know they are going the same way as I do. These days, I am no longer sure. People change, as the saying goes, and I feel that some of those whom I have been content to lead the way for me, has changed their priorities, in that their concerns are no longer aligned with my own. If that is so, ... well... you could guess things would get...uncomfortable..

Pray it doesn't get to that... much.

The turbulent economy and the fact that I'm in a transitional period between jobs this month also means I'm somewhat limited in terms of financial resorce. Coupled with the loaning of cash to some folks I know here and there, my savings is at its lowest in more than a year. I know I should save, but I need to get certain things for myself, my lifestyle and if that's not enough, I am beginning to be asked to contribute to the house in ..larger, more expensive endevours.

sigh...

The truth is that it's not so much I'm treading on unfamiliar or dangerous grounds. It is more of this nagging, gut feeling that keeps bothering me; this irrational unease as to the progress of things lately. Call me silly, but I have on many occassions regret not taking my gut feelings seriously.

Caldari! Caldari! Caldari!

2008-10-09T15:31:00.002+08:00

I have to say this. Caldari rocks.

For those not familiar with the name, thats one of the four (playable) races in Eve Online.

I have a love for history but never so intense when it comes to the history of imperial Germany all the way to world war 2. Today, people view the kaiser as monarch, and since it wasnt a constitutional monarchy, it was thus considered...well... bad. And of course Adolf Hitler is the most "Evil" person to ever have existed. But in both cases what interests me is the supreme national pride that these people have. I mean sure, British or Americans or others may have national pride too, but none portrayed that so intense like the Germans. Japanese would be among the only rivals.

The history of Caldari in the game is somewhat similiar, to a point I would think the developers used Germany as an inspiration. Caldari was a smaller state than their nemesis, the Gallenteans. While in comparison, Germany maybe bigger than England but taken into context of colonies, abroad, Germany might as well be considered the smaller. In much the same way as their real world counterparts, Caldari navy was thus smaller but more advanced. The Caldari-Gallente war has traits of the real world battle of Jutland in World War I. Caldari, like the Germans, had better tech but smaller navy. They fought, and it would almost seem they got the upperhand tactically. They were among the first to use capsuleers and frigates, and made one hell of a stand against their numerically superior Gallentean foes. Nevertheless, while theyre tactically sound, Gallenteans took the strategic victory, and while fighting seem inconclusive, one could say Gallenteans won as they took Caldari Prime.

Reading upon the Empyrean Age Book, one could see how industrious caldaris were, and that their national martial pride is awe inspiring. Personally I value martial pride. Some idealists may say thats war mongering but I think its better to not just be strong in words, but also have a strong backing to support your mighty words. Which is sad, considering their fall from grace because of 'free market' economies and other stuffs that's typical of westernized democracies; corruption, power play, strong individualistic and turning away from the communal glory that symbolizes Caldari tradition.

For whatever the circumstances, Tibus Heth rose from among the lower ranks, a common worker and galvanized a nation. He stood for the people. His people. And while he preached war, (which just like anyone of the smaller states today should they do so against some western power, they get heavily criticized and maybe even attacked.) it must be understood others may think it irrational but from the man inside it all, it might seem the only way. They were quite... desperate.

The theme at the end of all this I guess is the age old debate since the enlightenment age. Rational thinking of the enlightenment age against the newer Romantics point of view regarding the emotions of man. Today we are always arguing for the rationale, and while it maybe good or even best, if the heart does not feel for it, I dont think the peace will last. Ultimately, whether we choose to compromise or not, whether wethink it through rationally or not, what we want is for our heart to be satisfied. And different people have different expectations.

My aspirations always go for the people who dare defy the great odds against them, with little but a strong heart to overcome it all...

For me, that is Caldari.

Dreaming as dreamers do

2008-09-24T13:27:00.002+08:00

Apologies again for not many entries recently. I've been more preoccupied trying to get designs up for Port Valkyrie ( http://portvalkyrie.blogspot.com ) than doing much of anything else for myself.

Truth be told, I have nothing new, no new ponderings or thoughts that plague my consciousness. My life is a relatively peaceful plane of existence for the moment. There's good and there's bad of course, but all in all everything's in balance.

If you're thinking that's good... well.... think again.

Don't get me wrong, I am ever grateful for this stability and that God has chosen not to beset me with calamities and turmoils... and I have experienced some times in the past. But we are human, no? And as humans we need to be more than just simply... being.

I'm talking about jumping up above normality.
I'm talking about being ecstaticly happy and joyous.
I'm talking about stepping out of line.

I'm talking about... change.

It's not that I don't have time or that words escape me, but ask yourself this. Would you not want a better life than what you are having now, and not just for yourself, but for those you know and love as well? If you are working, wouldn't you like it if you can get more than what you receive now AND... not having the need to work? Wouldn't you rather do a work for passion, for your own desires, for your own interest, rather than work because others tell you to, or because if you don't you can't survive?

I know I would.

I won't list reasons. Take your own reasons, and place them inside yourself. That is your banner, your battle standard. And let your colors fly high. And if you believe in it, take up the call, charge the fields, and fight for that cause... or die trying.

Do not be complacent with where you are. Do not say that is how it is, how things are. Those are only words to fool yourself. You know this. I need not tell you of it in the first place.

Anyways, the point is simply this. There are people, you see... stubborn people who stubbornly refuse to use their stubborness to carry them through, instead stubbornly telling themselves to stubbornly sit as they are and accept everything as if that is what they deserve.

Stubborn bastards.

It's all okay... until they start telling others to do the same. Now i know there are still rules and limitations to a being within the universe and all, but there are things that is limited only by the matter of perception. I just hate it when I say for something that I am wishing for and they dismiss it as delusion. Here's a common example. I want to sit around and be lazy all day and still earn ridiculous amount of wealth." The exceptionally blind among them will say that's totally impossible and that I should be admitted to a nut house. Still, others would say while such is possible, one of my calibre can't do it.

Bad enough having people tell you what to do and what not to do, now people are telling me us where our limits are, how much potential we have? Well doesn't matter. I'll find my way, thank you very much for your 'concern'.

By now I feel like I'm jumping from theme to theme, but let me get it to point before I go. I want something more to life than mundane day to day routines. Dreams often seem whimsical, but no cause is lost so long as theres one fool fighting for it, despit the odds. Your reasons for the dreams are your own, but you take charge and go do it. And never tell others what they should aspire for. Or drag them with you in your pit of misery should you fail to dream as the dreamers do.

.....

ok now go before I start charging you for this column.

Windows in time, Doorways to new things.

2008-08-05T19:01:00.003+08:00

There are times in a person's life that glimpses of something different, something better or brighter that that of the usual, can be seen or felt. And there are times that you feel that it is a time for change, or that something is changing.

I am no longer working for the company I have worked with for almost 2 years. I know, in comparison to some, 2 years isn't much, but believe me that in those 23 months to be precise, it was not just some thing that just passes one by; it was a complete way of life, one which I am saying good bye to. No, it wasn't all bad, though there were rough times, (there are always rough moments any where you'd go) but what mattered was that there was something to reminisce, something to enjoy, and thus something to miss. I may not have realized it before, nor will I openly proclaim it out loud later on but the fact was, my time at the animation studio there was a gem. For all the flaws, I felt that I was something more there than what I usually am.

However the fact remains that I do not think it is right to stay in one place and draw experience and life only from the one place. I need to see more, to feel more, to experience more, from many many places, be it for good or ill. You can't very well appreciate the best times if you had not known the worst of times. And of course there are considerations to take into account; economical reasons for starters, though make no mistake I did not choose on leaving the place mainly because I can get better wages elsewhere. I want more money in my life to be sure, but I've known enough that good times need not always be equated to how large a money pile one owns. Some of the best and most meorable times in my life are those when I was flat broke.

So here I am jobless. (I've got a job offer already no worries, its just that it starts a bit later) and here I am with so much free time. And not earning money.

And then a friend comes back. And another gets married.

And soon we were all bunched up together, hanging out, chillin'..... gaming...

And for those moments, the present felt like the past. The times gone by where it was just us, against the rest of the world, proud to be outside the norm of society. And for a time my recent worries were like stories from a different world. Huge amount of gaming hours were the main agenda. (I am a bit dizzy from all that gaming.)

Ah, good times. So much fun but never lasts.

And so that one is about to end as well, short and sweet as it was, and leaves me pondering on where would I go on from here. I know I'll be starting a new job but that is like an unspoken fact of life for me already. What I wonder is how much better (or worse) would life go on for me from now on? What will change, what will not and which of it will be welcomed, and which are those that will hurt.

If anything I am hoping at least the fulfillment of some dreams and aspirations. Or the way of obtaining it at the very least.

You know... I have dreamt of fairy tale happy endings. I have dreamt of striking it rich. I have dreamt of having an easy life. An I have dreamt of spending such life with (hopefully) an insanely gorgeous woman.

But before all that... I have dreamt of going to England and taking a train.

Stop and Stare

2008-05-23T00:42:00.002+08:00

I so love this song at the moment. Not much time to write and I've yet to put anything for soo long.

One Republic - Stop and Stare

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us

It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...

The years gone by....

2007-05-02T16:57:00.000+08:00

About 20 years ago...

I barely remember much save that I returned to Selangor/KL area after staying in Penang for 4 years. Since coming back from England, being born there and all, I have stayed in Penang with my grandparents for years and to come to Selangor wasn't actually welcoming.

I remember a bus. A red bus, double decker, that I loved to play with. Yes, a simple child's play thing. I remember playing traffic jams all over the Ampang house with my older brother, pushing a whole line of vehicular toys bit by bit, ala traffic jam. I remember doing experiments, with water, pillows, insects, fire, electricity... and glue.

I remember the beginnings of getting scolded, the joy of playing, the wonderment of listening to stories. I loved stories, and how for some reason they struck a deep chord within me, no matter how silly those stories can be, nor whether they are local folk tales or some western fiction.

Above all, I remember the innocence...

15 years ago...

I remember being in school with a number of friends; some whose names have begun to sound alien to my ears. We may have not forgotten them, but the sad truth is that we have become close to being strangers to them. But once, they were there.

I remember loving to draw in school, to scribble nonsense on the sides of text books, to want to trace over the works of great artists. I recall though being far from adept at it. I know that I did not truly master drawing sufficiently to satisfaction until the next 2 years. But I loved to draw. I remember loving drawing, more than anything else in school, save English.

I remember rising to the top at school. I recall getting top of the class in the final year examination, actually was tied for that spot with my bestfriend then, Amilin, whom the teachers gave him the title of best student of the batch while I received top in the 'class', on grounds that he was the more hardworking one.

And of course, I remember the people of those times; Ain, Fairuz, Azuwan, Ariff to name a few whom have had among the biggest impact on me and among those I am most thankful for.

10 years ago...

I remembered being in boarding school, I remembered being in cyber cafes, I remembered playing network games. And I remembered...that I was damn good.

I remember hating boarding school. I hated the seniors and all their conspirators among those of my own batch. I remember every torment, etching them deeply in memory so that one day, should fate be cruel to them and let them cross paths with me, I would seek my retribution.

But I loved the freedom. I remember that as clear as it were yesterday. I loved the freedom so much that it changed me to a point I can never go back to being who I was before. The freedom was like a drug, its taste sweet and its effects addictive. I was a junkie on freedom, I challenged conformity and loathed restrictions.

There are times, honestly, that when I am so deprived of my freedom that I want to cry. I wanted to scream in anger and frustration. My being can no longer be chained; not by tradition, not by conformity, not by atrocious rulings. I chose to think, and I chose to make sure those thoughts are my own.

Far more significant though, I remembered the exams, the studies, and the stress. The future has begun to show itself to me. And it wasn't all that pretty.

5 years ago...

I remember telling myself that I was no longer, nor perhaps ever was, academically invincible. The shock of failing subjects for the first time was neither traumatic nor was it totally disregarded. I remember feeling that it was a significant point in my life where I learn to see some truths in myself, but I also remember that I was not too distressed by the fact. It had came, and it had passed, what matters is what I do about it in turn. That was among the most significant of lessons MMU taught me.

I remember the euphoria of one of the most absolute freedom I ever had. I no longer stayed in hostels. The family bought a place in Cyberjaya, but more significantly was that for two weeks, I had the place ALL to myself, since the family has chosen not to mve in yet. My own place, no rules or restrictions. I brought friends there and perhaps had a number of things that should not be, but by God, that was how it should be, I felt. That was what it was being alive.

Significantly, I remember all to well the dissapointment when that was all over, the frustration now of living once again, after 7 years of freedom, under the scrutinous eyes of the family. I remember too, the progression in my studies, the reasons for my choosing my current paths. There was some regret perhaps, but I am sure, storytelling is what I want to do more than anything else.

I remember that those were the years I forged relationships with friends that, while truthfully a lot of them turned out fickle and unreliable but still, a number of them, a select few remains in the ranks of the people I trust, even till today. People like MewMew, Naz, Omar as well as some from older times, like Fairuz or Ruza. Perhaps with people like these, there is still hope for us as a sentient species.

But above all, I remember falling in love. I remember wanting nothing more but to dedicate myself to the one girl. I would jump off a cliff if she would only return the feeling. I remember seeing everything else so insignificant compared to her. I remember with clarity what every good moment being with her was like. I remember the over flowing pride I felt whenever I could do favours for her.

It's true, I remember the frustration, the regret, the sheer sorrow when it all did not work out. But I remember that for better or for worse, it was an experience that I would not trade for anything else in this world, regardless the outcome.

Today...

I see things I am not content with. I see people being drones in the machine of society. I see soulless ones trying to coach me into joining their ranks. I see opportunities I feel best given to me being passed on to others, some whom I feel they do not deserve it, if not because of their lack of skill, its because of their lacking as a human being in general.

I see friends back stabbing one another, I see them for what they truly are, people so desperate to be part of a group that they will adjust their views everytime to fit a particular group, even at the expense of their friends. I see stupidity, and I see a complete flaw of character in these poeple as a person.

I see life in humanity as it is, where dreams and opportunities are like room mates to nightmares, ugly truths, biased views and a severe lack of faith among people towards the human mind. Too often we conform to mob mentality and long standing patterns.

But I see other things too.

I see Naz still as blunt as can be, but as honest as always. I see Ruza still sharing my taste in pizzas and my choice in interests, and I still see Mel, always there to lend an ear to hear all my lights.

Truly the world is a dark place, but what we have that is of worth and dear to us, they are like the flicker of light that might just make it enough for us to get out of this mess called life.

----

April is mine! (No, actually I prefer the Ninja Chick in TMNT)

2007-04-15T18:55:00.000+08:00

Blogging. Blogging. Blogging. I so enjoy writing out my thoughts, for in truth I believe my strength in conveying myself is in the written word. Nevermind that I think most collegues and the like do not get me, and why I chose on debate on intellectual. philosophical matters as such, but for me there's enough idle chit chats in the world to go a hundred times over.

Nevertheless time is in short supply and weekdays have been consumed in almost its entirety by the relentless demands of the job, and the necessary gaming sessions at night. What? Necassary, you ask? Of course, it is definitely a crucial part of me, and God willing, I'd be seventy and still gaming (assuming I'd live that long.. no wait, what the heck, I'm going to live forever...). Honestly I don't get people who say its time to quit gaming or whatever childhood delights you want had and focus on work, career, family and all the so called grown-up stuff. I'm busy as hell, being one of the few being very much depended on in my team at work, yet I still game, check out updates and upgrade my PC. Sure I have less time for it, but nevertheless I make it a point to still be me. Personally I think people who declare that once they're in the grown up phase, and thus should abandon all this child's play stuffs are a bunch of sell outs. Drones. Zombies. Soul-less ones. I don't care the fact even if you're job is about entertaining, or about making games itself even, or the fact that you plan to get married soon after getting a good job. Point of the matter is whatever you do, you sold out on the one thing that brought you joy, killing a a part of you, and for that matter, selling your soul to the ever-present devil of so-called human society.

Okay I've gotten quite long on that subject, it was not my intent but I just hate sell outs, posers and conformists to stupid ideologies and traditions.

Anyways it's April and past the month of Weddings (March) i'm finaly turning 25, and doesn't that makes you sound old? Well it may sound so, but I still feel no different than when I was 18, fresh out of school and ready to rebel and humiliate in whatever way i can those silly conformists of outdated traditions. But birthday itself was cool, despite that being old and also being passed up on a new position in which i SO would like to try out. Back ground artist and design. I know I RARELY EVER do such things, but I am all out to try something new that I strongly feel I can enjoy. I was passed over however not on negative reasons, but rather that previous team suddenly fell into dire straits and needed me around still. Anyhow, it's good to be appreciated (better if I could be WORSHIPPED though.... ) and come 5th April there was a torrent of well wishers and some nifty cool birthday arts for me. A majority of the picture givers are also aware of my Raccoon-ness and some know of my fondness of girls.

That being said, MewMew promised me a treat which I am anxious for, (COME ON, buddy buddy! I want my treat MEWMEW!) though I'm guessing it's a pizza or so. (i'd ask you to get me a chick, MewMew, but I don't think you can do that yet, as I'd ask for your Sabahan-kin of super hot babes...haha~!) However Ruza did get me a treat first however, watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and going for Pizza and California's Pizza Kitchen, which I must say I've been dying to try for a while now. TMNT (or as the translation goes, "Ninja Penyu Mutasi Remaja") was great, barring a few comments, and I so love how they do the chicks for the animation. It's cartoony for sure, ala Incredibles, but there was just a certain sense of sexiness to the girls of the movie that was not present in most Disney-ish features.

Anyhow, on to matters of work or animation. Firstly it's been great working with good people at the office and I must say despite my achievements, there is still a lot more I need to learn. I quite like what I do and despite that I do enjoy 3D animations as well, when it comes to animating, I now solidify my stance on 2D over 3D. One thing is for sure, 2D folks have a higher ratio of artists than 3D people, and that my fellow people, is our triumph over the more techy 3D animating process. No wait, you say, aren't 3D stuff art too, you ask. It's a matter of perspective really, and I just find that drawing things, as close as you can to the process of doing it with pencil and paper, is more an art than the tweaking vertices. It's not an absolute thing, it's just how I feel on the matter, so excuse me if I have more reverence and respect for 2D animators. Personal opinion really.

MDEC animation pitch thing is out and really, I don't mind trying out again, if only I had the time. Nevertheless, Ruza said to try for it anyhow, and quite frankly, if ever I wanna do this work with anyone, it'd be her. For reasons of personal ambition I suppose, in that we both aspire the same thing, to tell our own stories on the silver screen, and to tell such a story that its not just the technical level that rivals the internationals, but also the aesthetics. I think we all want culture and philosophies in our stories, but unlike most people here who go on and on with MALAYSIAN culture, I think we both have desires on going with an amalgam or inclusion of the cultures of the World. Sure, id want Malaysian stuff in it, but I also want to see, western, Asiatic, or even meso american influence to it. In the end, I want to see the variety of cultures, and id star Wars can do it all the way 30 years ago, why do we still need to confine our minds within Malaysia only? It's ambitous, requiring lots of work, and time.... but with people like Ruza around backing each other up and all, win or lose, I feel it will be worth the effort.

Summarized: The RACCOON wants to create an imaginary universe, not some bubble of fictional setting in just our country.

Time, Time. Everyone's wishing for more of it, as I do. But I feel I have it good. The many people from MMU that I know have almost completely severed most of their ties to their MMU mates, save for those who can still maintain an alliance of convenience, as in working together or living nearby or even have a new friend who knows the old friend etc. But I, busy as it is at work, I still maintain my ties with my oldest of frinds in MMU, and quite frankly despite my being ever so far away at work most of the time, I still feel part of the old gang, and with a lot of effort, still maintain ties with my wonderful past. Sure, there are new enemies and annoyances these days, some people turned bad and all, but the core people, the remained true still. Omar, Naz, Raj, Mewmew, these people are my closest of MMU buddies, and I know we all have our own stuffs, but truly, I appreciate you lots still keeping me in your presence all these while. Thank you. For my part, on your behalfs, I will try not to be a sell out. I will be loyal. There no knives in the back in store for you lots! Huzzah!

Lastly I want to share a little feeling and thought I have had recently. Be true to yourself. For once, try not to listen to what society, collegues, elders, other people, would tell you. Close them out, and listen to yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness, and believe me, once you are happy with who you are, those that mean the most to you will be happy with you too.

THINK.

DECIDE.

STOP BEING A POSER. STOP TRYING TO BE LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE, DAMNIT! And stop being so naive. Greater good is not an outward thing, it is an inward process; be good, honest, truthful to yourself first before you can help the world. Make up your mind, make your own choices and for God's sake stop giving the responsibility of your happiness to other people's hands. Everyone has enough problems of their own to wrestle with, and what makes you think they'll like you any better when you give them MORE responsibilities?

Respect others, yes, but never forget that you are a person to and you want and need to be loved, admired, cheerished and respected just like everyone else too.

Weddings in March...

2007-03-12T20:44:00.000+08:00

I sit there staring into emptiness and can't help but wonder what coincidence this is.

I was at a wedding. As such it was the second wedding of a girl I once fancied. Adding more to the fact was that it was held at/near the workplace of one of the parents; this one was help at her mother's office at the JKR Headquarters, the previous in a school where the father was the Principal. On its own however this wedding had more significance in that it was held near my old school, in which where I first met the bride some 18 or so years ago. And I entered the hall when the song being played was a tune by the title of "I swear" by All For One, which is one of the songs that I remember was oh-so-popular back when I was in the school. Significantly, on the slide show that showed the bride and groom's past, I was on it, owing to the fact I was in virtually all the classes she was.

Ah... And yes, both weddings were in March.

A year apart both weddings were, and never does it fail to leave me pondering.

2007 marks a year with numerous weddings. Perhaps it is so owing to the fact that anyone born in 1982 as I do, will turn 25 this year. Nevertheless, next week another one, and in May so I hear another old classmate ties the knot. One by one they take the final step in life. Perhaps the biggest of all steps in a person's life. Bigger than from being a child to an adult, is (perhaps) being from the status of single, to married. To start one's own family, ah, what a big step must that be, as finally, after decades, we reach a level where we are quite the equal of that of our parents.

So one by one, they go, shedding away the life of the bachelor. Perhaps what tightens my heart so is that these people, with husbands and wives now, could ill afford to be around me like the old days, as more important obligations are now set upon them. Perhaps even more so is that on the girl's side most espcially, it would not seem polite or proper to be hanging the likes of us anymore.

Or perhaps, simply.... I feel how far left behind I am. And that..is simply something that I just can't find the words to describe how I feel.

Perhaps I fear that that is the one step I can never take. Inferiority complex perhaps, but fact of the matter is what girls I fancy seem way beyond me, and what few girls that ever showed interest were not of what I sought for. I don't know, but in life I always had slight traces, hints, of the things I am capable of achieving. A success in an art competition in my early years reveling my capabilities in drawing as well as storytelling, achieving good marks in English as a precursor to my desire for writing, besting my brother in Dune 2 (the first RTS game) signalling my talent in such virtual military command, little bits of pieces to show my potential.

But love? Women? I've had nothing but failure. A sign? I don't know. Pondering is all I can do. And whatever else I learn of it, whatever knowledge I gain for it, is through observation of others. Observation that in vain hope I could apply one day.

It is not right to despair, now espcially more than any other time. I truly am happy for her, my dear friend, to have finally had the happiest day in her life. As much so as the others of my married friends. And as much so for those friends with couples, who for the lack of better description, are living almost a fairy-tale like romance. Their day is perhaps drawing near as well. No I cannot feel sad, for I am truly honestly happy, for them at least.

I feel guilty for feeling in truth, just as much as I can't deny that I do feel bad deep down somewhere...

Especially for weddings in March.

Should I hate my life now?

2007-03-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I posted anything here, and since then a heck of a lot of things have happened.

I got a permanent placement for a job in the company I worked for since September, so yeah I'm quite setting myself up for all this 'working person persona' I'm still getting used to being. But lest it all sounds so peachy, I'm here to tell that despite the seemingly rosy news, the reality is far grim than it is. Just like people in the early years envisioning war as glorious, romantic and heroic, only to have such image shattered once the grim truth was revealed, so it is with my situation. For starters, we are busy here at work.

Freakishly busy. Slaves, Zombies, Robots, are but few terms that come to mind of how we have to work. Truth be told the pressure was building up since late last year already and already back then felt like the Titanic was resting on my head. I opted to ask for a time off after my contract ends, hoping to resume work much later. But somewhat unsurprisingly, REQUEST DENIED. And so the weight of the Titanic is starting to be a Bismarck weight, soon perhaps a Yamato weight and eventually, a Nimitz class Aircraft carrier weight will be pressing against my skull. Such is the pressure, and if my intent to break away from work seems a little selfish, leaving the other office mates to fend for themselves with all the work, well I can only say this, To each his/her own. Or TRANSLATION: This is MY problem, I'm not you and you're not me. Do not make the idiotic mistake of assuming we are all alike. My priorities are different, so I'm sorry if I value different things in life more.

No wait... I am NOT sorry for that. It is my right. I shouldn't be sorry. (oh being such a mean person here, but hey, I am not a nice person.)

Once I said that sanity is in short supply in my world. Well, right now, the one bit of sanity I have is all that remains, sustained precariously, dangerously on the brink, by my somewhat limited gaming sessions. Too much distance from such gaming sessions coupled with even just the regular (uber-hectic) work, and I fear my mind might just collapse. So yeah, I'm not happy. With work, with some of the collegues, what else is new?

Okay, there is a voice at the back of my mind that says I should at least explain my feelings and hostile remarks. the fact of the matter is, I'm not doing what I want. The fact that if I am good at what I am doing currently, is merely a bonus, pure coincidental and lucky. I don't hate animation, I respect it. But just like I respect educators and teachers, I do not necesarrily want to be one myself. I never had (never ever) any intent on being an animator. While I do look forward to working in the industry, what I want really is to write, si-fi fantasy materials of probably epic scale, that is perhaps more deep and serious than light and humorous materials. That aside, I want to design things and characters for the said genre, for doing concept art and storyboarding is somewhat a dream of mine since I ever saw behind the scene shots of great movies and games. I accept doing what I do know merely to appreciate and to understand the angle from this point of view of the industry. I do not think I ever intend to be in the thick of it when all hell is breaking loose here.

Having said that, moving to greener pastures, a number of new games are coming out and significantly, I am seemingly going to fill out my hard drive obtaining them. The only flaw being most games under severe pressure here since the crack down on piracy, which is sad but not really much that can be done. Piracy is illegal true and it is bad, but in terms of softwares most especially, it is the very lifeblood of the gamers here, save a few. Understand that unlike in the States where kids can ask 30-40 DOLLARS to get a game every now and then, Spenind 20-30 RM on games is somewhat the average for a LOT of people here. Don't be an idiot and think that getting one 100RM+ game once every blue moon is enough. Firstly not that many can afford even ONE RM100 game. Secondly, gamers play at least a few games and you cant't imagine us sticking to just one until we decay our keyboard just playing that very one. Gamers are like sportsman these days and we play a variety of things and to shun gamers as time wasters these days is like to say one shouldn't play football.Welcome to the future, and if anything at all that is nice about the future, this is it.

*Sticks out tongue at crappy anti-gamer traditionalists*

Dreams can only be lost if you let it...

2006-11-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since I last posted and its all because of this new job. Well, not so new since I've been at it for almost 3 months. On the upside, I'm earning enough to be getting a new PC soon, and also able to start paying off my loan. However the cost is that it is slowly sucking up my life and making me into one of those workaholic white collar peoples.

I'm starting to feel like MewMew, complaining about all the work but nevertheless still devoting myself to it. But here's where I draw the line. MewMew can believe in all the things like 'it's for the career prospect', or its for filling up our portfolio or even it is as a goal in life. You're welcome to it, my friend, and I respect ur stance on the matter. But not for me. And I know you know me well enough that such creed is never for me.

I am first and foremost, and forever more, a people's person. I place my priority on friends and loved ones first. So yes, I hate all this workload, just like you MewMew, but I hate it even more because, I swore I would hate the type of person I'm starting to turn out to be. What kind of person is that? Simple. Work a lot, get lots of money, and while it kills him deepdown to be doing such slavery, he still does it and his usual friends are usually those he works with with no pure no-strings-attached kind of person as a friend. His life is the office, and beyond that he is a loner. He forgets his old friends or equally bad, he starts to contact them less and less.

I vowed to be always there for my friends; to kick aside work and money if ever it needs be for their sake, yet here I am, starting to be another clone. Hard to describe the frustration, for its beyond merely sick of so much work. It is like my sould is crying out because of what I am becoming. But it is not my point here to rant about my complaints in life. I want instead to view it from another angle for the purpose of this essay.

I walk alone at 6am today in the middle of the road. The sky was clear with little clouds and the wind was as soft as a whisper. Far above I see stars dotting the heavens. It is a baeutiful sight. It is an inspiring sight.

Throughout these months, especially in the festivities recently, I too have met many people. New and old alike, they bring many faces and thoughts about. Some are bigger, some richer, some married, some engaged, and some are... well.... new. Some are small and young, others older and taller. Some that are also not there anymore and may God rest their souls. They all have it their own way yet in all that we all have ties to each other. Cousin. Friend. Nephew. Uncle. And a host of other titles that label our connection.

What I want to point out, especially now more than ever after reading MewMew's recent posting, is that for all the difference, we have common grounds that ties us together. And so, if we have so things in common, would it not be probable to presume that some of their fortunes may well be bestowed upon us as well?

The problem is we never know when we will get these things, or if ever. So we can only make do with what we are given. OR in other words, play the best you can with what hand Fate has delat you with. It is not a sentence however, not a penalty it is, but rather a fact of life. We all go by worrying of all sorts of thing, when in truth, what we should think of is what we have, and what are we going to do with that.

I don't understand at first, why so many people are sad. From my point of view, if there ever was anybody who should be sad, it is I. I'm still searching for my calling in the 'real' world, I'm not happy (at least not entirely) with my job or its pay. I don't think my talents are fully appreciated nor even utilized. And ah yes, with so many others already married, or engaged, or getting married/engaged or even found the person suited for a life partner, here I am, alone, and not a girl to call my own. I do not have that...'soulmate' person whom I can talk things with, having had to resort in confiding to bestfriends only. (Yet I have realized bestfriends are also limited, and pretty soon even they will find their significant other and eventually leave me). And I live among so many fortunate people; individuals who have parents supporting them financially unlike what mine is capable of; or those who blunder so much but still have opportunities knocking at their doors, or even plainly, those more talented and appreciated than me, thus it pains me when I see the hand that fate has dealt me. Why? Why all these torment?

But I know now one thing. Sad or otherwise these things will go on. Life will go on. To go around moping about all the time is a futile effort. So let the world throw its worst at me. At you. Let them come! Because the truth is there is always someone worse than you and all these are merely tests. If I am destined to not have something, so be it. But I will make them, anyone, rue the day they thought lesser of me. I will make it that those who fail to see my abilities weep when I prove myself of great worth. I will make the ladies cry out in shame as they see what I could have given them in turn, had they given me but a second look, a passing chance. And I will make all those fortunate people green with envy as I grow more prosper than them. I will do all that, or die trying.

For what is the purpose of living, if not to fight and triumph over all the odds?

I have a dream; a wonderful dream of myself, in a beautiful house with a beautiful woman. Of mountains of cash and all needs satisfied. Once, I thought that dream is lost. But I realize dreams can only be lost if you let it.

Do not tell me you wished for things to be otherwise. Do not tell me that fate had things turned out different from what you hoped. Do not give me these empty words. If you truly believe in the dreams you spoke, if you so strongly believe in your principles, then fight! Fight against those odds, prove that you mean that which you spoke of.

Fight, or die trying. There is no shame in either, for shame can only be found quitting.

For you can only lose once you give up, or compromise that dream for something lesser.

Personal definition of friendship

2006-09-10T01:49:00.000+08:00

I am hoping this is one of those writings that if people asked me "why?", I could simply say, "read that."
All things good comes in a form of packages. Maybe it is wrong to say all things 'good' per se, but more accurate I would suppose if I were to say all things right, or fair, or even appropriate. Yet I maintain all these things come in packages, just like people. No one thing is pure in just one form. Always it is a mixture of things; parts of which you covet for, and the other the part you would not favor for, but know it is there because of necessity.
Many fundamental ideologies come as such. Freedom. Trust. Love. Devotion. Equality. Honesty.
Friendship.
Take freedom for example. It is not a simple bright shiny dream where the end of it is the end of the trouble went through in obtaining that said freedom. Rather, obtaining freedom is but a first phase in the process. Maintaining it is yet another question, but most importantly is to act upon the responsibility that said freedom would give us. That responsibility is part and parcel of the whole freedom package and it is essential to have it as well, lest that freedom be called another thing.
As is Love. Love is not simply about a boy and a girl, or about kissing and hugging, or about sensually peeling each others clothes off and engage in hours of long passionate sex. Love is not solely about feeling happy, about being content, or about the pinnacle of all joys. Love too comes with its set of responsibility; its own determining constraint that would help truly define it as love and not other thing. There is love beyond that of simply a handsome boy and a pretty girl. There is love beyond the acts of hugging and kissing. There is love without the need for sex. Love itself is shown in many forms and not all ideally beautiful, but rather the sense of responsibility and care that leads to such annoying acts that help define love. Thus there is love in scolding another, as is love constantly bickering with each other, as is love questioning and inquiring a whole lot of matters to others, even if to the point of anoyance. Ask any parent, or if you are lucky, a true friend, though the odds of finding one is rare in the most extreme. I myself at times question if I already have such a friendship... or have I not.
And yes, friendship comes with is own quirks as well. Friendship is not about sharing joys together, nor is it about being on each others goodside for appearance sake or for appeasing or even (MOST ESPECIALLY, if it were up to me) avoiding conflict and confrontation. Friendship is not some simple mutual agreement of common interest. I believe that friendship is all that and more. There is a commitment due in friendship, as both sides I feel are obliged to work in maintanence of that bond. When only one person is more active in seeking that maintanence then I see sense to question the integrity of that said friendship. As is the same if friendship is put on a schedule, like it requires specific office hours to function or working days. Talking, interacting and being what friends should be is not and should not be restricted to weekends or weekdays only, to after office hours only or to when it suits you best. You see, like love, friendship is not fun and games only, nor should it be treated as a burden. It is essential to us, that we carry the parts we crave for in it, along with the part that we might feel dragging.
I have been thing on past memories, and call it what you will, say that I am obsessive, possessive, too demanding, expecting too much or whatever, but I find that far too many friends enjoy my company merely for the sake or the convenience of their own affairs. Should it not be so, should they find others that interest them more (games, items of material value, fame, praise, boyfriend or girlfriend, money, reputation), then at such cases I have often find myself neglected, abandoned or placed on a lower priorities. I suppose I sound like I'm whining about being left out by people. I suppose people have rights to their priorities, but since when has values, essential moral values be placed secondary instead of equal standing among other things?
Nothing or no one is perfect. That much is certain. But those imperfections are what is of higher value to a person. Not the positive side. Not the many skills he has, not the level of intellect, or how big his paycheck is, not the good looks and not the fine toned body or the seductive smile. It what's bad that should be the real matter. Anybody can love a good thing. anyone can love good looks, big fat paychecks and useful knowledge and skills. But it takes a true humane person, a true self that is willing to offer friendship, true friendship, to look for, accept, even love the flaws of others. Don't say I love you simply because he or she is pretty, or if they are rich or even if they make you smile.Love them because, they care enough to scold you, to make the effort to constantly nag and bug you even when at times you think "oh he's such a bother". I'm sure people would think isn't there anything better for them to do than call me up, nag at me, pester me, point out my flaws, guilt me, etc...
...but the fact is that we would rather do that than anything else better means that we consider you worth the effort. That we value you that highly. So what should you do? The answer is simple. But the execution is deceptive in simplicity.
The answer is make time for them. Don't go to them simply because you need something or even because you are bored. Even if you have things planned and have no logical reason whatsoever to call them, still...just do it. An investment on a true friend is worth more than anything, and I even dare say more than knowledge in some cases.
Why am I saying these? I don't know exactly...
Notice I don't put a mood for this particular posting, Must be because its not there in the given list. I'd have chosen "wanting more from friends" but then that might sound too needy.
I do recall I loved someone. I would have given her everything I could. But she saw me for perhaps a limited value only, and so distanced herself when I no longer am useful to her. It's not so much as the act that hurt me most. It is the fact that for whatever reasons, we had become friends (or so I thought) and the very least, I needed to be kept in loop, or to be told of things, I felt that among friends especially, I did not deserve a lie, a charade, a pretense of goodness and politeness. But that was what she did, and that was what hurt me the most. The fact that she hid her disgust of me behind a smile, not the eactual disgust itself.
And now, among newer people, I see similiar patterns taking shape. Yes, most common is that I see myself putting effort in contacting these people, in spending time and money and effort, to say hi, so ask them how they are and if I were able, to place a smile on their faces. So it does hurt that, even if it might not be overly rational, if you are put on hold for work or other reasons, things or persons. It does hurt that if such effort is rewarded only when it suited proper timing and scheduling. Yes I see it coming shape, among my new and current friends even... an all to familiar pattern. Will it repeat? It is no certainty, but it usually does.
So why am I writing these, I ask again. Because maybe I once questioned myself after losing the one I loved, what is the definition of friends? Does the defnition differ from one person to another, and if so, what is my definition?
Or perhaps because I am simply dissapointed in some of my friends, and how I feel my efforts for them have been likewise treated.

Tread on unexplored grounds...please

2006-07-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

Hi. I am living in Malaysia, and I have an idea of how to make a hit film in this country. Firstly, let us take looks on past romantic dramas and note down their plots and the like. Now, strip it to basics, change the elements and all, like say... a KL setting to a.. JB setting perhaps. Now let's talk about the money. However you obtain sponsors and all, the fact is the majority of your money, we're gonna spend it on paying actors and actresses that are probably household name and such, the types whose faces are too common these days. Don't worry about technology, it's almost not required, therefore as one can expect, the costs should be marginally low. So make sure is all romantic and mushy and DEFINITELY cultural and all, and whalla~! You have a formula for a hit movie here. Low cost, high profit.. isn't that just our motto these days?

If you can't sense the sarcasm overflowing and dripping out like a fat kid in the sahara, then you're an idiot. True, I could be generalizing and even making assumptions, though so would you if you think I hate romantic films or cultural elements. My point is not that I hate or like em, but rather that I've seen too many of them here (particularly romantic comedies that in press release, mentions that it tries to portray some cultural element of sorts) and I want for more variety. Why not let go of culture once, forget we are Malaysians in particular, and see us as simply humans. Is it all that wrong to accept other races and nationalities as equals and alikes? Must we point out the fact that as Malaysians we are unique in comparison, all the time?

I want to see a local made production that touches general history, puts forth a question on general philosophy and queries on life. I want to see dream worlds that are neither Malaysian, nor American, not Japanese or what so ever, but one of imagination. I don't want to see a whole setting of people named Ali, Abu, Hakim and the like anymore than I want to see a place dominated by Johns, Jacks, Georges and Christophers or Yamashitas and god knows what else japanese names. I want to see all these names entwined and mixed up in one dream world, preferably alongside weirder names like Tamreet Skreej or something.

I do not think doing what we always do is wrong, but I think that we are in truth hiding by commiting ourselves to those only. We do art movies, or movies that put forward our culture to the world and for the life of me, please, know that it is all nice but we can't just expect to always till the ends of time bank in our unique cultural heritage only. To fight a war sometimes we have to fight an enemy on its own ground. I think it's about time we take the fight to the enemy, and in other words, we should now try science fiction, fantasy, and stories that question nature, general philosophy on life and existence or even scientific theories. And why not? Aren't these all basic tenets of being humans and are not we Malaysians humans as well as citizens of this world?

I am no leader, no politician nor yet even a reknowned philosopher, but I can tell you this. Daring and curiosity, above all else and willing to disregard local or cultural limitations at certain (not all) times is the main reason why the population of the west have come to dominate the world over its larger and more populous neighbours in Meso America, Africa and Asia combined. The truth is that we are happy to sit idly by and rejoice over what we have while these others strive for more. I know, I know, from the Qur'an Allah SWT has said for us to be grateful for what we have been given by His blessings, and I believe with all my heart it is rightfully so. But I do not think that wanting something else or something more is wrong, morally speaking. Being content and to which resulting in us not progressing is wrong, morally, socially and philosophically. God's greatest gift to humans is our ability to use our minds, to think, and to squander it away and stick to irrationality of traditions, old ways, current trends is wrong I think because we do not use that which God has given to us.

Then I recall that quote... from the movie Braveheart I think.

"Every man dies, but not every man truly lives"

So what do you achieve by simpy sitting in where you are most comfortable at, while there are people who dares risks, goes through dangerous grounds, try something new, explore the unknown. Who will truly benefit in the end?

Think about it. For God Almighty's sake........... just... Think.

Rove: Trying to breathe life to a dream?

2006-06-15T10:17:00.000+08:00

ROVE.

For the past few weeks I've been working on that project tirelessly. It's been a long journey from discussing the minor concepts and giving birth to the idea that is ROVE, to the point of doing artworks, conceptuals and printing them all out on paper.

Why Rove? Because Rove is simply a word meaning to wonder around, something I have been doing and something perhaps Roza has been doin too. But in the context of the story, Rove is about a group of people lead by one female protagonist, wandering about the vast expense of galaxies, encountering the bizzare, mystical and unexplained even, towards the one goal. And contained within that goal are the many underlying questions and philosophical theories on life, society and perceptions to it. What's more interesting for me about Rove is that I can come to love a project whose main protagonist is neither sexily dressed nor capable of kicking major butt. Aiyana Muri, and that is a name I'd never be able to come up with, is a nice girl, she's smart and independent. She looks nice, but she needs not nor tries to flaunt it. She is the kind of girl you could take home to meet your mother.

What is Rove? Rove is our project, an idea for an animation series but for now spearheaded only by a concept of getting a cool trailer out to entice people to it. Rove is an idea, a channel to put forth questions and perhaps visualize philosophical theories. Above all Rove is an outlet for me to projet my creativity and test out conceptuals. Rove is the dream project I'd have always wanted; the right content, the right material, the right work environment and the right people. In basic terms however, Rove tells the story of our stated protagonist, bestowed with the ability to see into the past of objects, persons or locales. Aiyana Muri, driven by such visions, leads to her being hounded by a clandestine authority whilst she tries her best to seek answers to her questions.

The cast of Rove is created mainly through a series of discussions, compromise and shared interests. I have never been more satisfied with it, for never in my entire life have a I ever had such varied characters. On my own, I would never have pushed beyond the boundaries of my 'safe' zone. There would be no redheads, colored hair, purple robes, and many more. I stuck to what I like best and that was it. But with Rove, I went beyond such borders, either through sheer curiosity or propelled in doing so by an equally eager team member.

And gosh, how I love redheads now.

The process of Rove is what makes it worth the while.Whether or not the RM50,000 grant will come into our greedy paws is another story, because for our efforts, we are already winners. We have transcended beyond our norm (for me at least) and we have worked to completion a project that imbues the (often conflicting) tastes of my team member Roza, and I. We trumped over the odds of logistics, resources, time and manpower to complete this, and for that we have won.

Far from being idealistic and Utopian, I admit we had hiccups and a number of disagreements along the way, but for all that we managed to get through it, and that for me is admirable. But more so was the amount of passion and ideas pouring into Rove. I'm sure Roza would have drawn upon what she knew as I have drawn upon my past works and ideas. We were eager to impart a bit of ourselves into this. A lot of character concepts came from Roza, despite the fact that I drew them all. So truthfully I think a number of the characters are Roza's creation, not mine. But I did most of the tech designs, based upon all my past references and works so at least that was my big piece. Nevertheless our differing input seems to drive us to progress further I think. We were like super-charged Energizer bunnies when it comes to seeing this project bearing its fruits.

The best part in the concept of Rove is that it is not finished, but has merely just begun. There is room for still so much more inputs and ideas that can be implemented to enrich the Rove universe. I would hope for it to be like Star Wars, for it is not just a story, but a whole universe and a culture in its own, because my only regrets are that we do not have more time to put even more content and materials to show to the MDC panels, and we would perhaps be better off if we had more of the right kind of people joining with us, brainstorming and visualizing their own piece of what is Rove.

Will this take off? I hope so. Because while we are pitching for a grant, and yes past getting the grant we would hope to get a contract of sorts to do a whole season (which is quite a BIG wish...) but for this to take off, it requires not that mentioned grant or MDC to want this project. I think what makes it take off even if we don't get anything is our own persistance and conduct in bringing forth this idea to life. How we do it, how far would we go... that is what matters.

The real reward in the entire project is in the process,... and the people you work with.