I hate hackers... Utterly pissed at these illegal hacking piece of ****s..

Recently a game account of mine got hacked. Yep, hacked. Stolen.

To add insult to injury, I did not discover this in the aftermath of their god-damned criminal act. I actually stumbled it as it was happening.

What happened was that I had decided to log in to the game at the time, only to be confronted by the fact that things were not as I had left the the game prior to that. In fact, I logged in as my in game character was actually 'doing' something. A split second later I was disconnected with a message claiming a 'conflict' in the log in. I proceeded to log in the game again, and this time I inspected my in-game items only to realize that a large number of it has been sold off. In fact the few items I had left was in fact, as I realized then and there, in the process of being sent off to be sold too had I not stumbled in then!

I quickly exited the game, opened my internet browser and accessed the game website to change my account details. I was panicking of course and was not thinking properly perhaps. I managed to log in there and realize the damned hacker had changed the corresponding email address attached to the account to something else. I quickly changed it back to mine but as I proceeded to try and change password, I could not do such anymore because I was typing an 'invalid old password'. Yep, the blasted hacker had changed it first before I could.

Once I log off my account, I know I can't ever get in again. So I did as a friend told me, file a report/petition to the game masters/devs. As of now the account is closed and may be reopened again once I formally sent a follow up request for such. So I can't play the game for now, which sucks because it's an MMO and like many of such, I paid a subscription fee to continue playing the game.

In fact, because whatever achieved in this game is done by working within a time frame that you have to pay for, the in-game items technically do have real world monetary value, and that's on top of the remaining subscription time that I have left which I paid for. It's different if my msn mail got hacked or my friendster/myspace got hacked because those are free stuff.

I am only thankful though that the game devs responded quickly to prevent those piece of s*** hacker(s) from doing more crap. I also hope I can recover items lost via these illegal means.

It's not a Personal Project

I haven't wrote anything in a looooooooooong time!

No that's quite a lie. I have wrote a lot recently, at least 10 pages worth of stuff, alongside 3 pages worth of doodling and sketching.

But it won't be here.

Nope, it won't.

--------------------------

What is it?

I suppose one could call it a personal project, but I HATE that label. It implies one has to work hard and utterly completely dedicated to that work. I don't want that. I don't want to work on this thing with a stressed mind and stale thoughts. I want to do it ONLY when I'm fresh and excited. I want to do it light heartedly and with an easy going progress. And I have no other ambition for it other than to see it done, and then it can sit somewhere on a shelf in my house or if lady luck suddenly develops a crush on me, get it sold off and distributed for lotsa money!

Either way doesn't matter. This is work unlike work, a project that's not a project.

This is just something I want to do.

---------------

Problems?

Hell yes. It's not something I want to share with public, and even here where not many people know of, it's still accessible to anyone should they just know where it is. But that's not the issue.

The issue is I want feedback. From a select few I trust only. But it really is hard to get the materials to them, let alone have a sit down and talk about it. Again the spectre of it being called a "project" hinders me from wanting to set anything in an official capacity. I need everything informal.

Which is bitchy at best. Because what I want to do... it's not simply character design AGAIN, and it's not just building a fantasy world AGAIN, or is it just to glorify a fictional hero or introduce a cultural element or style or preference AGAIN. I'm bored of those things. How many more years will our artist be just visual designers? How many more years will our focus on production be about introducing things? To popularize something of ours to others? No, what I want to do is make a metaphor of my opinions, to debate philosophy. I want it more than just "I am putting this here because I like how it looks". I want it put there because it means something in a greater scheme. It QUESTIONS something, or addresses and reflects a thought or a reality.

I'm rambling. True. And probably not making much sense. But it's a curse of mine not to neglect something once I accepted it as my responsibility (which is why I prefer not to accept many things as a responsibility.)

But isn't what we do when we're frustrated? Well, I've been frustrated a long time. Not directly, but still it has ties with what I want to do. I've been frustrated since I was in primary school. Everybody there talked. I was quiet. I had no voice. I want a voice. Secondary school, or high school as what others call it, and I am not merely silenced; I was shouted down. College? Univiersity? I barely whispered even then. Partly it was because others always wanted to be louder than I am, but partly it was also because I did not know what I wanted with a voice.

I want to question.

I want answers. I want to know why.

I want to bend spoons. I want to keep flowers in full bloom.

I'm looking for answers from the great beyond....

More stuff on DA2

So… I’ve finished playing Dragon age 2. Twice.

I’ve mentioned previously the looming spectre that is Dragon Age Origins that continually cast its shadow on this game, so I’ll refrain from bashing unfair comparisons, refuting silly critiques, denying outrageous claims and such here. I would however like to share some random observations and thoughts.

1. Mage Hawke is the most popular variant of the protagonist, or at least that’s what I see when it comes to fan art. I like the Warrior variant best, and it’s really hard for me to get a female Warrior Hawke picture for my workstation wallpaper. Personally I’m baffled because the Champion Armor for warrior looks friggin’ wicked! Yet it’s not easy to find. WHY??? :P I’d pay for someone to do female warrior Hawke wallpaper but since I don’t like or do much E-transactions I can only reward people living nearby… with lunch… or dinner. :P (ALL ON ME!)

2. There’s a significant amount of male Hawke and male companion romance fan art around too.It is significantly more than compared to previous Bioware games. It’s not my cup of tea, but I won’t bash, because that’s their preference. I am merely stating an observation.

3. There was romance element back in Neverwinter Nights (NWN). It was not that… obviously direct, but it was there. There certainly is romance in Jade Empire (JE), though personally my favourite thing in there was Mirabelle (kudos to any who knows “Mirabelle”). In Mass Effect (ME1) there was even a nude sex scene to accompany the romance element; sadly though Mass Effect 2 (ME2) it was not as… hot…or nude. And certainly romance was in Dragon Age Origins (DA: O). Almost forgot, Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR), there was romance there too. So it should come to no surprise that there is so many romance themed Dragon Age 2 fan art, yes?

4. Sadly, I’m not as happy with fact no 3. You see, NWN1 featured a lone prodigal student as a protagonist with no family ties. In NWN2 you had a foster parent who was so distant he might as well have been a hermit-like mentor, and you’re only true family ties are backstories about your real parents. Shepard of Mass Effect series has no family, save for the mention of a mother serving in the Alliance fleet somewhere. In KOTOR, your amnesiac Jedi is in fact the true Sith Lord then but has no mention of family. In JE your entire clan was killed. In Origins, as human noble, your parents were killed early on and your elder brother might as well just be a background prop. Your brother in the dwarven noble might as well be likened to a rival from some other clan. In DA2 though, you travel with your mother, two younger twin siblings (initially at least) and would soon meet your uncle and will at the end find out that you have a cousin (not to mention human mage Warden from Origins as another, distant, cousin). Certainly family element is around throughout and even serves as a main plot. So I was wondering… where are the tributes/fanstuff to celebrate the Hawke/Amell family?

5. Mages had a good thing going with their case over the Templars. I feel for them. Really, I do. That is, until the end of the story/game where somehow several key mage figures went batshit and go all crazy-like, thus destroying their good rep. I ought to have both sides killed. Varric was so right in his opinion.

6. I’m sad I can’t create a Madmartigan-like character (see “Willow” 1988 movie by Ron Howard, starring Val Kilmer). There is no more dual weapon warrior using 2 swords. The rogue in DA2 does not even use swords, they only have daggers. Maybe this is offset by the 2 handed swords being quite fast now, but still this is quite a sad thing.

7. I for one am glad to see the Arcane Warrior gone. Mages shouldn’t intrude in warrior territories! You don’t see warriors doing long range mass nuking abilities! As it is, mage is still the favoured class in DA so it seems, thus its really quite a show of favouritism to allow mage people to be like warriors as well (wear heavy armour and use swords and such)

8. DA2 is sexist? Really? Some people think so. Well I don’t care if it is. Women there have big boobs? The game uses animation and… Principle of animation: Exaggerate! That’s my rationale! Haha! Besides, you would want your player character to be hot! And you want to travel around with hot companions! That’s why romance feature is oh-so-popular! Right?

9. Did anyone notice the toggle helmet option? Well of course you did, that’s why we see faces so much in fan art. Helmets are good and useful and all but we spent (some of us at least) so much time trying to sculpt the purrrfect face with the best choice of hairdo that it’s a waste not to see it in game on the account of… protective gear. This toggling helmet off feature is nice. But I don’t hear much thanks for that, so…. thank you Bioware!

10. Hawke is inconsequential. He/she did not matter. Hawke just waits around for stuff to happen, and even then stuff will still happen if he was not around. That’s what some people think. I disagree, Hawke may not have a Grey warden treaty document that enables him to rally people and he may not end up killing an archdemon, but Hawke’s effect on matters is usually less obvious. I personally think, if Hawke was not around the Mage-Templar thing would have died down eventually, but I don’t feel inclined to write a specific, plot by plot explanation, so I can only hope Hawke’s role will be re-examined by people.

11. I hate getting armour pieces that is not corresponding to your character class. It’s silly because only your Hawke can use these armour pieces, not companions anymore. If Mass Effect 2 is the way to go, have it use the Mass effect 2 armour system, switchable armour pieces, and customizable colour scheme! Use the Champion armour set as a base template for each class.

12. There is no bikini chainmail/armour in dragon age 2. Right? Damn…

Bioware and the Evolution of RPGs PT II: Dragon Age 2

1. Previously I wrote my thoughts regarding Bioware's epic Sci Fi RPG, Mass Effect 2. Recently they have released the sequel to their other franchise, the dark fantasy RPG Dragon Age 2. I purchased the Signature Edition version, pre ordered through a friend. The good thing about that is the cool additional content that comes along with it (Bonus content for being Signature edition PLUS another bonus stuff for Pre-Ordering the game) while the bad thing was that relying on bad shipping and other people to post it made me finally start playing the game at a time when even non hardcore gamers (unlike myself) have already finished it. Heh, hubris on my part I'm sure...


2. Dragon Age 2 (DA2), unlike Origins (or DA1) did not come out with largely positive comments from all over with only mild criticism on a few of its features. In fact, opinions run from total epic fail to a brave, inspired attempt at innovation, to outright awesomeness. The same features can sometimes be hailed as its crowning glory or cause of frustration for differing players, namely the choice of limiting the geographical setting of DA2's story.


3. But before I go any further than those, allow me to blow of steam in one regard. Of all the features, ideas, new direction the game takes over its predecessor, one of the most famous (or is it notorious) comment circulating around seems to be in regards to the romance feature between characters, specifically GAY romance. Look. I don't really agree to GAY relations (there, I've said it) but it's usually none of my business who-likes-to-stick-what-in-where, especially since there are far more interesting and incredible features in the game. I would really hope the next game wouldn't have people over fixated on the romance bit, gay ones specifically... but I doubt it, people being people after all. Combat mechanics, choices and consequence, character development and customization and most importantly story should outstrip that 'other' aspect in our focus, but to each their own eh?


4. The story focuses on the new character Hawke, a Dragon age version of Mass Effect's Commander Shepard, complete with voice over dialogs for either gender and fixed last name for easy reference by other NPCs. I would state for the record, my one big gripe about Dragon Age franchise is that after all the "Origins" and "Big Choices" we make, invested upon and dwelled over, quite a few times the devs decide to tell a story featuring a player character OTHER than my thoughtfully developed Origins Grey Warden. Why can't it be like Mass Effect where all games, sequel and DLC, still features your very own personally crafted and invested upon version of Shepard. But putting that aside and taking Hawke's story as a new game instead of some sequel, it really is quite good (although I think ME2 did better expression animation that DA2). In fact take Origins as some sort of prequel game and DA2 as another series in the same universe, and stop bloody comparing with POINT BY POINT all the nostalgic stuff you had in DA1, you could actually enjoy this very much.


5. Set in the Free Marcher city of Kirkwall, you're first impression is that you seem to be going nowhere other than running around in circles in just that one city. I mean, if you were to... conduct that 'cardinal sin' of comparing to DA1... again... you would feel that what is going around Kirkwall compared to trips through Orzammar and the Deep Roads, the deep woods of the Brecillian Forests with its ruins (and Revenants) as well as small towns like Lothering, Redcliffe and of course the city of Denerim. But the charm is that instead of marching through space, DA2 marches through time. Sure it's the same place over and over, but the story spans years as opposed to a short time (less than a year at most for DA1) and before you realize it, every corner of Kirkwall feels like home, you know it like the back of your hand. Admittedly though, some dungeons and areas are over-recycled especially since they're not supposed to be the same place yet use the same, one design and internal layout with slight variations; like sealing of a passage way here and there.


6. Did you know the game takes note of the kind of dialogue choices you picked for Hawke? Choosing between 3 types of persona (diplomatic and proper, witty and sarcastic, or harsh and rude) these decisions affect Hawke's personality, not just at the one moment, but rather through out the story. Choose witty and sarcastic a lot, and later on Hawke naturally adopts that kind of persona, with whatever plus and minuses it brings (I read somewhere that only a Diplomatic Hawke can give an arousing speech to the city guards or such)


7. Speaking of characters, I tend to miss Oghren or Leliana from DA1 and I didn't respond well at first to these new characters in DA2 that I find accompanying my Hawke in the story. But this is a game about going through time, and bit by bit, as they unfold further (listen to all the party banter between your companions) and show their unique traits, I can't help but warm to them. Varric is not another Oghren, he drinks a lot but doesn't get pissed-drunk like Oghren did. He doesn't say dumb things a lot either, but his humor and remarks are usually more witty and refined. Aveline appears as one of those tough-as-nails, no nonsense all business warrior that seemed to lack humor or even emotion, but as you progress one can't help but see how her devotion was to her deceased husband, laugh at her ineptitude at wooing a potential suitor and be utterly amused at her back and forth banter with Isabela, sexy pirate chick who is always flirting around. They're all not simply different, but at the same time, they are allowed to go deeper as well. You might not get an instant liking, but they will eventually grow on you. Even Fenris, bleached haired, slim elf with brooding attitude, tattoos and big ass two handed sword and rather gay outfit that seems like a rip off from those (annoying?) Japanese RPG character types, eventually becomes tolerable enough for you to care about (unless you are those that like those JRPG types in which case I have... no comment).


8. And yes, this time round you have family. And what happens to your family members, well... you might actually care more for them than for the ordinary companions. This lends further depth to your character Hawke than the past anonymous (or amnesiac), one-of-many-start-off-solo character templates.


9. Let's talk about the vanity bit. I always loved the DA character customization more than ME. Somehow I can craft my perfect warrior chicka better in DA than ME. That aside I'm quite happy to see improvements to the attires and clothing available to the characters. Companions don't change their looks or clothes, much, but their gear can be upgraded by specific armor parts found throughout the game (up to 4 slots for upgrades). Only Hawke can use and change to different armor sets like in DA1, though some of these new suits of armor are cooler looking. (warrior Champion armor is awesome!) This system is streamlined and easier, in a direction almost like that of ME2) with the only flaw is that you find lots and lots of armor sets, some very powerful for different character class from your Hawke, thus he/she can't use them and is nothing more than loot to be sold off. But that aside I'm happy. Especially since now, you can toggle helmets on or off; the logic being I made my chicka hot, why does she have to cover her purrdy face with that dingy helmet?


10. The story of DA2 focuses more on the existing prejudices of the world, such as inter racial, mage-templar and such more than Origins, which have those as a background setting but was more ultimately about setting up to kill the big bad monster (archdemon). Set over a course of almost a decade but within the confines of Kirkwall and its surrounding only, unlike DA1 which spans for not so long a time but spreads broadly across the whole of a country, Ferelden. Where DA1 was enjoyed because of its broad large scale epics over an entire land during a most critical moment, DA2 is narrower in focus and takes time to grow, but enables a kind of depth its predecessor could not give. I shall not argue for either, because unlike some, I can actually enjoy either kind of story in the end.


11. The ME style dialogue and character, faster slicker combat, some of the streamlined features over the old DA1, are very much a welcome change, for me at least. It is not without flaws. bugs and glitches, overusing one or two types of interior areas, and over simplification or removal of certain features sort of spoils it a bit (What??? No dual sword wielding anymore, dual wielding only for DAGGERS?). The story has nice moments and elements which can thoroughly affect you, but the coherency and connection of said elements needs some fine tuning. DA1 always had you thinking of the ultimate goal of fighting the archdemon and the blight, where as the different Acts in DA2 have differing focus, with the main element for the final act usually taking one step back in the earlier acts, that you lose focus about that ultimate ending at times.


12. Is this an awesome new RPG that escalates and improves over the old? No, but neither is it the total disappointment that some die hard fans of the old would claim it to be. Take it as a new chapter, not a direct continuation of the first, and you should be able to clear yourself enough to see the gem of this game.

Ascendency of the Frying Pan

The frying pan has been used to bash people in the head for as long as I have been watching cartoons. I don't know if there is a cultural reference or significance to it, or mere coincidence that it is the choice kitchen utensil for gags, but the fact is there: many heads have met the frying pan up close and personal. But for all that, it was a gag, a one-use prop item.

Not so in Disney's latest epic, Rapunzel.

In that movie the frying rose to prominence, and even acknowledged by the characters as good tool for fighting. It was used by the honor guards at the end parade even. So much glory to the frying pan.

But really, there's more to Disney's Rapunzel than frying pans.

For one, I really love the quartet of characters in this epic adventure. Flynn Rider, the chameleon Pascal, the warhorse/soldier-like/sometimes-dog-like Maximus and of course Rapunzel herself. That the animal companions themselves did not talk yet are so moving should serve as an example to those who think animal-like creatures needed a vocal language to convey themselves as blatantly misguided.

Most important for me however was that the characters were strong. I know sometimes there is a tendency to have one or more members of an adventure party the weak one that needs protection and such, but I feel the line up in Rapunzel is strong. The animal companions can hold their own and each exhibit a kind of confidence rare among critters dat accompany most heroes. In fact I can argue that in personality (and physical ability for Maximus) they can match that of Flynn Rider, the main male protagonist.

Flynn is cocky, and despite being what people would say... roguishly handsome, his looks fails him a lot of the times. It's like a variant of Johnny Bravo, but as we could see in the movie, he is not some helpless weakling; more to the point he probably can take the lead of the gang as much as the main character herself. He is quite self centered, but then I think we all love a self centered comic who fails in in horribly funny ways.

My case in point of Rapunzel however illustrates a near perfect level of what my preference for strong female characters. People always thought what I meant by that are Amazons, strong physically, deadly in combat, sexy figures with skimpy armor outfits. Rapunzel is a case that illustrates going another way from that conception yet still meeting the criteria. I absolutely adore her. She is not a damsel in distress; a genre of female character I believe we can make do without today, but one capable of taking care of herself despite her naivety towards the world. She can fight, but not through skilled swordplay or gun battles. She is feminine and rather girly at times yet not lacking in confidence. She doesnt really needs rescuing; in fact she becomes the rescuer at times. She dresses not skimpily; it is Disney after all, but she is pretty. In short, this is the sort of balance in attributes I look for. We need female leads like this, me thinks.

I love the art of the film. I know it's 3D, my brain registers consciously it's 3D, but somehow I felt like watching one of those 2D Disney classics. It's really gorgeous. I love the style. The truth is probably related to the two executive producers of the film. John Lasseter was involed in works like Rattatouile, Wall E, Bolt and UP. Glen Keane worked on projects like The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and my favourite, Tarzan. It's like their fusion produced a 3D animation with a very strong flavour of the old 2D disney classics. Note to self: Must find the Art of Tangled book.

The story is what you can expect of a Disney story, fun for the family adventure and happily ever afters. That I did not feel it was stale is probably a good sign of the manner of their storytelling, though I did feel the antagonist to be a little... vanilla. That said, it feels negligible enough because of the main focus on the interactions of the protagonists. It still felt fun over all.

I feel like watching it again! :P

When EVE Online meets DeviantART...

The EVE Online Create a Starship Contest is over. What a race, and I didn't make it as a semi finalist even, though I saw where I did wrong and while I was a bit hopeful to be picked, I am not utterly crushed because I know that by not being selected at all, at least I can now re use that design for a personal work in collaboration with friends.

However there was a fethload of conspiracy theories and emotional outburst that came out once the 15 semi finalists were chosen, resulting in 1 entry being replaced by another. I stayed up the whole night reading as much of the outpourings and comments from both DeviantArt and Eve communities on both their respective forums/commentaries page.

Let me clear up 2 most important thing regarding my stance on the matter.

1. I clearly support the entry that they brought in to replace a disqualified one, as I feel it is better and more in tune with the feel of EVE. In fact, the Tornado Battleship is the very entry I am hoping would win this contest! I am really looking forward to see it in game one day and better still if it is implemented as it's creator suggested.

2. I am in agreement that the EVE Online player community should be and have the right to be outraged that of so many of the semi-finalist chosen, barely a handful is appropriate for EVE. Those judging and deciding should have had better in depth understanding for the feel and requirements of a new ship in EVE; admittedly quite an uphill task for non players as even usual players debate this issue rigourously everyday. Though there were concerns of entries not following rules and such (important nonetheless for a contest), my own concern is primarily for the stated point of the entries not being right for EVE.

That said, I was astounded at the amount of emotional outburst, flaming, trolling and outright comments from the EVE Online community at DA (DeviantArt). Yes we are very unsatisfied with the choices of the semi finalists. We play the game, we pay to play the game, and want it improved but still true to its core ideas. I stayed up all night reading the posts (as well as some from the EVE forums) because it was like some thriling drama unfolding. It was like a story. A grand event in the making, something went wrong, people enraged and finding scapegoats to blame, all out fighting between factions, and happily enough, reconcilation and peace being brokered between factions.

Though I am commited almost as much as most to the betterment of EVE and therefore am very concerned at the type of entries being listed as semi finalists in this contest that would ultimately affect us EVE players, I was equally shocked at the level of hostility pouring into DA in just a matter of a day or two. Perhaps I shouldn't be. I have seen these reactions before, internally in EVE itself. We are very passionate about this game after all.

But now the very militant attitude of the community pours down not on the usual victims, ourselves or CCP, but on DA.

I applaud the efforts of a few members of the EVE Community in trying to maintain calm and posting our grievances in a civilized and orderly manner, but the fact is there are more than enough trolls and flamers contributing outright insulting remarks towards the DA staff for misshandling this event. What saddens me even more is that the Director of Public Relations for DA became the chosen scapegoat as she was the only one standing up and replying on behalf of DA, which the eager and angry mob ultimately focus to shoot at. Even worse is that some of the DA members themselves start responding insult with insults, further escalating the conflict.

I admit that the Director for Public Relations for DA did chose some bad words and inappropriate manner of response, albeit not with the intention to aggrevate the mob but quite the opposite, but I felt bad for her for receiving flak for something she was not entirely responsible for. She did not judge the contest and as far as this issue goes, she is but a spokes person. It is noble and commendable of her though to maintain her calm mostly throughout the ordeal, which I think she stayed on for hours upon hours.

I am more an EVE Player than a DeviantARTist. The right of the argument I strongly feel is with the EVE players, as this is not simply a contest but something that would affect us EVE players in the future of this game. But I am ashamed of the amount of rudeness and crass attitude displayed by some of our members, especially considering that I feel the specific targets they are pouring on did not deserve that direct hostility. It is sufficient I think that DA take note of how involved and passionate we are with our game, do something to remedy this situation and strive to do better next time. The rude, insulting remarks are complete unwarranted.

Most profoundly, I now feel sad for the artist whose entry was first selected into the semi finals but was later disqualified. True, his entry was in no way able to compete with the entry that replaced him for a spot in EVE, but he was no crap artist despite the impression his contest entry might give to some. I went later to his DA gallery and saw he had several really commendable work there, sci-fi themed work at that. While it's true that many people point out they were more angry at the judges for choosing rather than the artist for making, but I felt it was not the decent thing to do to keep on referring to his work as the benchmark for an all time 'lowness'.

The situation has calmed down now, as the DA Public Relations Director announced that people on her side, DA, has begun talks on the matter with EVE Online devs, CCP. Most of the rude commentors have stopped posting and the more civilized ones are offering olive branches and to help with the whole process of answering the player community's queries. I'm glad calmer heads are prevailing, for now.

I will continue to be hopeful for the development in EVE. My own designs might not be good enough to be in there, but I hope those that really deserve it will make it. For my part, I think I'll go on collecting ships, as starships are a passion of mine after all.

And maybe... just maybe...

I'll name some of my ships after those I hold as 'heroes' in this entire unfortunate episode.

... And that's all I have to say about that.

There was this show on TV where there was a person whose life revolves around being at home, tidying up and cleaning the house as a the prime occupation. A housewife-life if I would say so myself. My sister said of how jealous she is of such life. I on the other hand was utterly astonished for anyone to wanting such existence.

Today I woke up as always, early in the morning and woken by the alarm clock. I travel by bus early in the morning as I head off for work. Arriving at Kelana Jaya I took the train to the next stop. The train was new, and as far as Putra LRT goes, it was twice as long as the older trains. 4 coaches now! In front of me there was a girl that curiously reminded my of the character Supergirl; she was wearing a white top, blue short skirt and the lack of red cape I suppose is made up by the red bra. 3 stations away, I got off and began my 20 minute walk to the workplace.

I do animations. That's my job. That's what I'm being paid for. Specifically I do 2D Flash based animation, of which my most proudest work actually went up on Disney Channel on one time. Day by day, I do cartoons and all the little funny things. While working I prefer listening to music or putting on some videos or shows, just to keep me up. At about 1 or 2 pm, I would have lunch, followed by a short rest, and then resume work till past 5 pm. Then, it's all about retracing my morning ourney but from the opposite end, and by nightfall I would arrive back home for dinner, rest and, I pray with all my heart to always have this, gaming.

The thing is, my sister could be right.

Or at least, she might have a point. Where else is best for a person but home? And home is where the heart is. For her, it may be the house and all the house chores. Since our mom passed away, she has taken the position of being the one most concerned with house well being, which while seems nice I do feel at times it is more oppressive than previously. But that's not my point here.

For this June, barring the 2 weeks plus of my being sick with dengue, my work place is Vision Animation. But I work for Eden Studio. This predicament is made possible by the utter insistence of Vision to treat outsourced workforce as freelancers, even those under banners of other studios, and the need for said freelancers to work under their roof and supervision. It has merits especially on the supervision bit, but it is also an inconvenience, especially on the point of location.

I realize now how precarious my contentment in my life is. Even when I was back at our own office, I was merely content and tolerated all the other nuances there. Now being forced to work in a place not of our own nor of our preference, I start to feel utterly detesting it. But I'm not really angry either. It just got me thinking.

Everybody says they'd like to work doing the things they like. By that logic I should be happy doing animation where drawing is one of the things we do a lot. I think that statement was more of compromise speach people say to accomodate for what is the norm in society. In truth, I am not happy doing the things I like because I am doing the thing I like for somebody else. Specifically, I am doing the activity of my preference, but on a subject that is of someone elses choice. Adding to that, we do at a place and time and pace of their direction.

The root of it is that we want to do what we like, we want to work on the things we like; not just simply doing the things we like. It is a sad thing then most of us have jobs, or being employed by others, because that means we aren't always doing what we like, and most certainly we are always being pulled away from where we usually would like to be at the times we'd rather not be elsewhere. A freelancer or so called self employed person is not much better. He may dictate location (except in Vision's case) but basic needs (income for food and living) means he is faced with about the same thing as the employee, plus having to constantly find new work as one project finishes.

Very few of us humans actually get to do what we like, where we like and when we like, simply for our own sake but coincidentally can make a living out of it, and in certain cases, lavish living. My question to myself is why? Is it the world imposing itself against our individual wants? Is it the current social economic structure that prevents such dreams? Or is it that we simply hold ourselves back from doing what we like and profiting from it?

Forrest Gump loved his mother, and he loved Jenny. He wished to honor his promise to his good friend Bubba and thought of little else. He is a simpleton, but he does whatever he is able to with dedication. In his own simple way of things he inspires and achieves a kind of life most of us could just dream of.

And he gets the girl. Fancy that.

The world can't be that bleak. The world can't be that bleak. I want to be happy. Why can't I?