Turbulent times?

I'm not sure what to make of these recent times. I can remember clearly many excited moments just very, very recently yet here I am again, feeling as down as can be.

It makes all seem somewhat erratic i suppose, these past events, down to the point I almost feel unsure of what to feel in general. There are many causes for joy and being uplifted. Among such causes are the recent release of some episodes on a project I used to work on. It's showing on Disney Channel (1st Nov) this Saturday, and represent a high mark in my professional achievements. It's after all, Disney channel and that is indeed... big.

My best friend got married recently and at the very least through my view, some form of fairy tale elements do come true after all. The union of the two, one is whom I respect greatly, and the other of course, is one I trust deeply. Congratulations to you two, and I have never felt better about two people than for these two.

RedAlert 3 is out. As is Fallout 3. Sacred 2 will be out early next month. My EVE is progressing good, and of course I've finished Mass Effect (finally), with sex scenes and all. Haa~! Game-wise I suppose, its simply outstanding.

Considering my previous employment is rumored to be closing, and that I have already got a new place to work, with increase in salary I might add, I suppose my life now seems blessed. The relatively laid back environment and lacking the rigid structure of my first (animation) work place, I suppose I'm having a pretty charmed life.

Truth be told however that's where the spit and polish ends, as that glossy aspect of the working deal is a surface element that I fear hides a lurking darkness; a darkness that I had hoped and prayed had been left behind after my departure from Kelana Jaya. I'm not saying this new place is bad already. I'm merely stating that I'm seeing signs of things that could come. The relatively limited 'resource' of a new company means that there'll likely be more things to do for each individual worker, and the lack of said resource also means that we do not have much to fall back on if things should go awry. In short, once again, there lurks the possibility that I will be asked to.... sacrifice.... again.

People... well.... people, thats also the issue. Previously I was content to let myself follow on people's paths, because I know they are going the same way as I do. These days, I am no longer sure. People change, as the saying goes, and I feel that some of those whom I have been content to lead the way for me, has changed their priorities, in that their concerns are no longer aligned with my own. If that is so, ... well... you could guess things would get...uncomfortable..

Pray it doesn't get to that... much.

The turbulent economy and the fact that I'm in a transitional period between jobs this month also means I'm somewhat limited in terms of financial resorce. Coupled with the loaning of cash to some folks I know here and there, my savings is at its lowest in more than a year. I know I should save, but I need to get certain things for myself, my lifestyle and if that's not enough, I am beginning to be asked to contribute to the house in ..larger, more expensive endevours.

sigh...

The truth is that it's not so much I'm treading on unfamiliar or dangerous grounds. It is more of this nagging, gut feeling that keeps bothering me; this irrational unease as to the progress of things lately. Call me silly, but I have on many occassions regret not taking my gut feelings seriously.

Caldari! Caldari! Caldari!

I have to say this. Caldari rocks.

For those not familiar with the name, thats one of the four (playable) races in Eve Online.

I have a love for history but never so intense when it comes to the history of imperial Germany all the way to world war 2. Today, people view the kaiser as monarch, and since it wasnt a constitutional monarchy, it was thus considered...well... bad. And of course Adolf Hitler is the most "Evil" person to ever have existed. But in both cases what interests me is the supreme national pride that these people have. I mean sure, British or Americans or others may have national pride too, but none portrayed that so intense like the Germans. Japanese would be among the only rivals.

The history of Caldari in the game is somewhat similiar, to a point I would think the developers used Germany as an inspiration. Caldari was a smaller state than their nemesis, the Gallenteans. While in comparison, Germany maybe bigger than England but taken into context of colonies, abroad, Germany might as well be considered the smaller. In much the same way as their real world counterparts, Caldari navy was thus smaller but more advanced. The Caldari-Gallente war has traits of the real world battle of Jutland in World War I. Caldari, like the Germans, had better tech but smaller navy. They fought, and it would almost seem they got the upperhand tactically. They were among the first to use capsuleers and frigates, and made one hell of a stand against their numerically superior Gallentean foes. Nevertheless, while theyre tactically sound, Gallenteans took the strategic victory, and while fighting seem inconclusive, one could say Gallenteans won as they took Caldari Prime.

Reading upon the Empyrean Age Book, one could see how industrious caldaris were, and that their national martial pride is awe inspiring. Personally I value martial pride. Some idealists may say thats war mongering but I think its better to not just be strong in words, but also have a strong backing to support your mighty words. Which is sad, considering their fall from grace because of 'free market' economies and other stuffs that's typical of westernized democracies; corruption, power play, strong individualistic and turning away from the communal glory that symbolizes Caldari tradition.

For whatever the circumstances, Tibus Heth rose from among the lower ranks, a common worker and galvanized a nation. He stood for the people. His people. And while he preached war, (which just like anyone of the smaller states today should they do so against some western power, they get heavily criticized and maybe even attacked.) it must be understood others may think it irrational but from the man inside it all, it might seem the only way. They were quite... desperate.

The theme at the end of all this I guess is the age old debate since the enlightenment age. Rational thinking of the enlightenment age against the newer Romantics point of view regarding the emotions of man. Today we are always arguing for the rationale, and while it maybe good or even best, if the heart does not feel for it, I dont think the peace will last. Ultimately, whether we choose to compromise or not, whether wethink it through rationally or not, what we want is for our heart to be satisfied. And different people have different expectations.

My aspirations always go for the people who dare defy the great odds against them, with little but a strong heart to overcome it all...

For me, that is Caldari.